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DataCenter.book Page i Wednesday, November 12, 2003 9:52 AM

Data Center Fundamentals

Mauricio Arregoces, CCIE No. 3285
Maurizio Portolani

Cisco Press
Cisco Press
800 East 96th Street
Indianapolis, IN 46240 USA
DataCenter.book Page ii Wednesday, November 12, 2003 9:52 AM

ii

Data Center Fundamentals

Mauricio Arregoces
Maurizio Portolani
Copyright © 2004 Cisco Systems, Inc.
Published by:
Cisco Press
800 East 96th Street
Indianapolis, IN 46240 USA
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic
or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without
written permission from the publisher, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review.
ISBN: 1-58705-023-4
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Number: 2001086631
Printed in the United States of America 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0
First Printing December 2003

Trademark Acknowledgments
All terms mentioned in this book that are known to be trademarks or service marks have been appropriately capitalized.
Cisco Press or Cisco Systems, Inc., cannot attest to the accuracy of this information. Use of a term in this book
should not be regarded as affecting the validity of any trademark or service mark.

Warning and Disclaimer

This book is designed to provide information about Data Center technologies. Every effort has been made to make
this book as complete and as accurate as possible, but no warranty or fitness is implied.
The information is provided on an “as is” basis. The authors, Cisco Press, and Cisco Systems, Inc., shall have neither
liability nor responsibility to any person or entity with respect to any loss or damages arising from the information
contained in this book or from the use of the discs or programs that may accompany it.
The opinions expressed in this book belong to the author and are not necessarily those of Cisco Systems, Inc.

Feedback Information
At Cisco Press, our goal is to create in-depth technical books of the highest quality and value. Each book is crafted
with care and precision, undergoing rigorous development that involves the unique expertise of members from the
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Readers’ feedback is a natural continuation of this process. If you have any comments regarding how we could
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We greatly appreciate your assistance.

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For sales outside of the U.S. please contact: International Sales 1-317-581-3793 international@pearsontechgroup.com
fmatter.fm Page iii Wednesday, November 12, 2003 2:30 PM

iii

. Publisher John Wait

Editor-In-Chief John Kane
Cisco Representative Anthony Wolfenden
Cisco Press Program Manager Nannette M. Noble
Production Manager Patrick Kanouse
Development Editors Christopher Cleveland
Betsey Henkels
Senior Project Editor Sheri Cain
Copy Editors Krista Hansing, Kris Simmons
Technical Editors Mario Baldi, Robert Batz, Mark Gallo, Ron Hromoko,
Fabio Maino, Scott Van de Houten, Stefano Testa, Brian Walck
Team Coordinator Tammi Barnett
Cover Designer Louisa Adair
Composition Octal Publishing, Inc.
Indexers Tim Wright, Eric Schroeder
Proofreader Angela Rosio
DataCenter.book Page iv Wednesday, November 12, 2003 9:52 AM

iv

About the Authors

Mauricio Arregoces, CCIE No. 3285, is the manager of the Cisco Enterprise Solutions Engineering team on Data
Center designs. He has been in the networking industry for 17 years and has been involved in designing, implementing,
and maintaining large-scale enterprise networks. Mauricio holds a B.S. degree in computer science from the
Colombian School of Engineering and a M.S. degree in computer science from California State University at
Northridge.
Maurizio Portolani is a network design consultant at Cisco Systems Inc., involved in architecting and validating
large-scale Data Center designs.
Maurizio has filed patents on advanced spanning-tree and load-balancing features, and is the author of several Cisco
Data Center solution architectures that cover the Layer 2 and Layer 3 design, load balancing, security, DNS, SSL
offloading, and integration with application environments.
Maurizio also works closely with various technology teams at Cisco to define and validate new features that
enhance Cisco product support for customer system level solutions. Maurizio has designed product features in areas
such as spanning-tree, SSL, and HTTP persistence mainly for the Catalyst 6500 family.
DataCenter.book Page v Wednesday, November 12, 2003 9:52 AM

About the Contributor

Martin Pueblas, CCIE No. 2133, CISSP No. 40844, technical marketing engineer, Central Marketing Organiza-
tion, Cisco Systems, Inc.
Martin contributed to the content in the security-related chapters in this book (Chapters 5, 15, and 21).
Martin is a network security expert with more than ten years of experience in the networking industry who obtained
his CCIE certification in 1996 and recently achieved his CISSP. Martin joined Cisco in 1998 and since then has held
a variety of technical positions.
In 2000, Martin joined the Advanced Engineering Services team as a network design consultant, where he provided
design and security consulting services to large corporations and service providers. During this period, Martin wrote a
variety of technical documents, including design guides and white papers that define the Cisco best practices for
security and virtual private networks (VPNs).
In late 2001, Martin began his current position as a technical marketing engineer for security and VPN technologies.
As part of his current responsibilities, Martin is leading the development of a security architecture for service pro-
viders. Before joining Cisco Systems, Martin worked for a Cisco Gold partner in South America, where he provided
support, consulting, and training services to numerous customers and partners in Latin America.

About the Technical Reviewers

Mario Baldi is associate professor on the tenure track at the Computer Engineering Department of Torino Poly-
technic, Torino, Italy, and vice president for Protocol Architecture at Synchrodyne Networks, Inc., New York.
He received his M.S. degree summa cum laude in electrical engineering in 1993 and his Ph.D. in computer and system
engineering in 1998, both from Torino Polytechnic. He was assistant professor on the tenure track at Torino Poly-
technic from 1997 to 2002. He joined Synchrodyne Networks, Inc., in November 1999.
Mario has been a visiting researcher at the IBM T.J. Watson Research Center, Yorktown Heights, New York; at
Columbia University, New York; and at the International Computer Science Institute (ICSI), Berkeley, California.
As part of his extensive research activity at Torino Polytechnic, Mario has been leading various networking research
projects involving universities and industrial partners, funded by the European Union, local government, and various
companies, including telecommunications carriers, such as Infostrada and Telecom Italia, and research institutions,
such as Telecom Italia Labs.
Mario provides on a regular basis consultancy and training services, both directly to companies and through various
training and network consultancy centers.
Mario has co-authored more than 50 papers on various networking related topics and two books, one on internet-
working and one on switched LANs.
Robert (Bob) Batz is a technical leader in the Cisco Mobile Wireless group. Bob develops software for content
networking services, primarily addressing the mobile wireless space. He has also developed and sustained load-
balancer products, frequently working closely with the TAC support teams in Cisco to resolve customer issues and
to assist with network designs. Bob has been at Cisco for eight years and has been working in the content network-
ing area for four years.
Mark Gallo is a technical manager with America Online, where he leads a group of engineers responsible for the
design and deployment of the domestic corporate intranet. His network certifications include CCNP and CCDP. He
has led several engineering groups responsible for designing and implementing enterprise LANs and international
IP networks. He has a B.S. in electrical engineering from the University of Pittsburgh. Mark resides in northern Vir-
ginia with his wife, Betsy, and son, Paul.
DataCenter.book Page vi Wednesday, November 12, 2003 9:52 AM

vi

Fabio Maino is a senior security architect at the San Jose–based Andiamo Systems, recently acquired by Cisco
Systems. Fabio is one of the major contributors of the INCITS T11 Fibre Channel Security Protocols (FC-SP)
working group, which is designing the security layer of the next-generation Fibre Channel architecture. Fabio is
also an active contributor to the activities of the Internet Engineering Task Force (IETF) Simple Network Manage-
ment Protocol version 3 (SNMPv3) working group, where he recently proposed an Advanced Encryption System
(AES) extension for the USM security model.
Fabio received an M.Sc. degree in electronic engineering and a Ph.D. in computer and system engineering from
Torino Polytechnic, Torino, Italy, in 1994 and 1999, respectively. During his Ph.D. studies, he was a guest researcher
at Hewlett-Packard, working on VerSecure; then, he researched public-key infrastructure in Torino and finally
moved to San Jose. After joining Cisco Systems at the beginning of 2000, he moved to Andiamo Systems with the
original group of engineers that founded the company.
Scott Van de Houten, CCIE No. 1640, is a distinguished systems engineer for the Technical Operations group. He
is currently a technical lead for the Enterprise Routing and Switching Technology leadership program. His respon-
sibilities include developing customer requirements for the product teams and customer technical consulting. Scott
has been with Cisco for 11 years and has worked as a network engineer for 17 years.
Stefano Testa joined Cisco Systems, Inc., in 1998, as part of the Catalyst 6500 software development team. He
moved to technical marketing in 2000, initially focusing on content switching and geographic load balancing. Then,
Stefano expanded his role to cover security products, such as SSL and firewall modules. Stefano works closely with
Cisco field teams to help large customers design fully redundant, high-performance integrated Data Centers and
content-aware solutions. He also works on a daily basis with multiple Cisco engineering teams on future software
releases, network management, and platforms for L4-7 services.
Cisco Press gratefully acknowledges the efforts of technical reviewers Ron Hromoko and Brian Walck; their con-
tributions helped ensure the quality and accuracy of the text.
DataCenter.book Page vii Wednesday, November 12, 2003 9:52 AM

vii

Dedications
Mauricio Arregoces:
To my wife Frances, whose support, patience, and encouragement got me through the writing of this book.
To my daughter, Gabrielle, who lets me see the wonders of the world through her eyes.
To my son, Julian, who constantly reminds me of the right priorities in life through his candid self.
To my family, who gave me time and understanding during the many days, nights, and weekends I spent away from
them working on this project.
Maurizio Portolani:
I dedicate this book to Rosangela and Stefano for their continued support and understanding and to Margherita,
Alda, and Leonardo for their example of hard work and strength that helped me during the long nights of work. I
want to thank Giovanni, whose religious love for books always inspired me. A special thanks to all my friends who
bore with my schedule during the last two years of hard work.
DataCenter.book Page viii Wednesday, November 12, 2003 9:52 AM

viii

Acknowledgments
Mauricio Arregoces and Maurizio Portolani:
To John Kane, our executive editor, for his constant encouragement and support through the evolution of the book
and for his understanding and willingness to look past our many schedule slips.
To Chris Cleveland, our development editor, for his keen eye, great work, and always helpful attitude, without
whom the book would certainly not be what it is.
To Bob Batz, Brian Walck, Ron Hromoko, Scott Van deHouten, Stefano Testa, Mario Baldi, and Fabio Maino,
whose feedback contributed to the quality of the book.
Very special thanks to Fabio Maino for helping us on security topics. Fabio, your strength and optimism are beyond
words.
To Martin Pueblas, who contributed substance and knowledge on matters of cryptography and overall security.
To Patrick Folstrom, who helped us understand the world of Domain Name System (DNS) and for his accurate
review of the DNS-related topics.
And to the Cisco Press team behind the scenes for supporting this project for making this book a reality.
Mauricio Arregoces:
To Maurizio, for his dedication, appetite for knowledge, and search for perfection. You kept me honest and focused;
may you find the perfect mountain.
Maurizio Portolani:
I want to especially thank Mauricio for his vision, which made it possible to develop a book on such an interesting
topic. Thank you for involving me in this project for the past two years, for the help and encouragement, and for the
focus on quality.
DataCenter.book Page ix Wednesday, November 12, 2003 9:52 AM

ix

Contents at a Glance
Introduction xxxvi

Part I An Introduction to Server Farms 3

Chapter 1 Overview of Data Centers 5

Chapter 2 Server Architecture Overview 31

Chapter 3 Application Architectures Overview 71

Chapter 4 Data Center Design Overview 117

Chapter 5 Data Center Security Overview 159

Chapter 6 Server Load-Balancing Overview 205

Part II Server Farm Protocols 239

Chapter 7 IP, TCP, and UDP 241

Chapter 8 HTTP and Related Concepts 309

Chapter 9 SSL and TLS 369

Chapter 10 DNS Essentials and Site-Selection Considerations 397

Chapter 11 Streaming Protocols Overview 441

Part III Infrastructure Protocols 477

Chapter 12 Layer 2 Protocol Essentials 479

Chapter 13 Layer 3 Protocol Essentials 523

Chapter 14 IBM Data Center Technology 569

DataCenter.book Page x Wednesday, November 12, 2003 9:52 AM

Part IV Security and Server Load Balancing 595

Chapter 15 Security Protocols and Technologies 597

Chapter 16 Load-Balancing Modes and Predictors 653

Chapter 17 Server Health Management 689

Chapter 18 Session Tracking and Cookies 727

Chapter 19 Persistence Mechanisms on Load Balancers 753

Part V Data Center Design 799

Chapter 20 Designing the Data Center Infrastructure 801

Chapter 21 Integrating Security into the Infrastructure 865

Chapter 22 Performance Metrics of Data Center Devices 919

Part VI Appendixes 961

Appendix A Character Sets 963

Appendix B HTTP Header Fields 977

Appendix C Video Encoding Mechanisms 987

Appendix D Loopback Interface Configuration Procedures 995

Appendix E Configuring Servers to Insert Cookies 1009

Appendix F Client-Side and Server-Side Programming 1013

Index 1025
DataCenter.book Page xi Wednesday, November 12, 2003 9:52 AM

xi

Table of Contents
Introduction xxxvi

Part I An Introduction to Server Farms 3

Chapter 1 Overview of Data Centers 5

Data Centers Defined 5
Data Center Goals 6
Data Center Facilities 7
Roles of Data Centers in the Enterprise 7
Roles of Data Centers in the Service Provider Environment 9
Application Architecture Models 9
The Client/Server Model and Its Evolution 9
The n-Tier Model 11
Multitier Architecture Application Environment 12
Data Center Architecture 13
Aggregation Layer 15
Access Layer 16
Front-End Segment 16
Application Segment 17
Back-End Segment 18
Storage Layer 19
Data Center Transport Layer 20
Data Center Services 22
IP Infrastructure Services 23
Application Services 24
Security Services 25
Storage Services 26
Business Continuance Infrastructure Services 26
Summary 27

Chapter 2 Server Architecture Overview 31

Network Attachment 32
Network Interface Cards 32
Server Multihoming 33
PCI and PCI-X Buses 34
DataCenter.book Page xii Wednesday, November 12, 2003 9:52 AM

xii

Client and Server Packet Processing 35

User Mode and Kernel Mode 35
Ethernet Driver 36
Server TCP/IP Processing 37
Sockets 39
TCP and Server Applications 41
Segments, Datagrams, and Frames 41
TCP Interactive Traffic Profile 43
Connection Setup 43
Maximum Segment Size 44
TCP Retransmission 44
Delayed ACK 45
Nagle Algorithm 46
Connection Closure 46
TCP Bulk Transfer Traffic Profile 47
TCP Windows 47
ACK Scheme 48
High-Speed Networks and the Window Scale Option 49
UDP and Server Applications 50
Server Availability 51
Processes and Threads 51
TCP and UDP Connections to a Failed Server 54
TCP Timeout 54
SYN Retransmission 55
Status of HTTP Applications 55
Configuring a Web Server 56
Configuring TCP and HTTP Parameters 57
Server Processes 57
Directories 58
Virtual Hosting 58
Running Multiple Servers on the Same Machine 59
Using Multiple IP Addresses on the Same Machine 59
Using Multiple Layer 4 Ports on the Same Machine 60
Using the HTTP Host Tag Header 61
Network Architecture Design Options 61
Increasing Server Performance 62
Jumbo Frames 62
Reverse Proxy Caching 63
Increasing Server Availability with Load Balancing 65
Preventing Server Overload 65
Monitoring TCP Connections 67
DataCenter.book Page xiii Wednesday, November 12, 2003 9:52 AM

xiii

Summary 68
For Further Reading 69

Chapter 3 Application Architectures Overview 71

Taxonomy of Applications and Hosted Servers 72
Integration of Applications 75
Enterprise Application Integration 75
Network Design Implications of EAI 76
Multitier Applications 77
Markup Languages: HTML and XML 79
HTML 80
XML 82
User Agents 83
Browsers 84
Helpers and Plug-Ins 84
Client-Side Programming 85
Web Servers 86
Server-Side Programming 87
Web Programming Technologies Overview 88
Case Study: Web-Client Interaction with Java Servlets 90
Middleware 91
Components: EJBs and DCOM 93
Network Traffic Patterns: RPC, RMI, ORPC, IIOP 93
Database Access 95
Network Architecture Considerations 97
Load Balancing 97
Clustering 99
Cluster Models 100
Geographical Clustering 101
Security 104
Using RMI and DCOM Through a Firewall 106
IDS Signatures 107
Multitier Design Case Study 108
High Availability 109
Security 111
Summary 113
For Further Reading 114
DataCenter.book Page xiv Wednesday, November 12, 2003 9:52 AM

xiv

Chapter 4 Data Center Design Overview 117

Types of Server Farms and Data Centers 119
Internet Server Farms 120
Intranet Server Farms 122
Extranet Server Farms 124
Internet Data Center 125
Corporate Data Center 126
Data Center Topologies 126
Generic Layer 3/Layer 2 Designs 126
The Need for Layer 2 at the Access Layer 130
Alternate Layer 3/Layer 2 Designs 132
Multiple-Tier Designs 133
Expanded Multitier Design 135
Collapsed Multitier Design 137
The Need for Layer 2 at the Access Layer 138
Fully Redundant Layer 2 and Layer 3 Designs 139
The Need for Redundancy 139
Layer 2 and Layer 3 in Access Layer 141
Layer 2, Loops, and Spanning Tree 142
Fully Redundant Layer 2 and Layer 3 Designs with Services 146
Additional Services 146
Service Deployment Options 147
Design Considerations with Service Devices 148
Application Environment Trends 150
Application Architecture Trends 150
Network Infrastructure Trends 152
Summary 157

Chapter 5 Data Center Security Overview 159

The Need for a Secure Data Center 159
Vulnerabilities and Common Attacks 160
Threats 160
Vulnerabilities 161
Exploitation of Out-of-Date Software 161
Exploitation of Software Defaults 162
Common Attacks 162
Scanning or Probing 162
DoS 162
Distributed Denial of Service 164
Unauthorized Access 165
DataCenter.book Page xv Wednesday, November 12, 2003 9:52 AM

xv

Eavesdropping 165
Viruses and Worms 165
Internet Infrastructure Attacks 166
Trust Exploitation 166
Session Hijacking 166
Buffer Overflow Attacks 167
Layer 2 Attacks 167
Network Security Infrastructure 169
ACLs 169
Standard and Extended Access Lists 169
Router ACLs and VLAN ACLs 170
Dynamic ACLs (Lock and Key) 171
Reflexive ACLs 172
Firewalls 173
Packet-Filtering Firewalls 174
Proxy Firewalls 174
Stateful Firewalls 175
Hybrid Firewalls 176
Common Firewall Limitations 178
IDSs 178
Network-Based IDSs 179
Host-Based IDSs 180
Network-Based Versus Host-Based IDSs 180
Anomaly-Based Versus Signature-Based IDS 181
Signatures 181
Typical IDS Response Actions 182
Layer 2 Security 183
Port Security 183
ARP Inspection 184
Private VLANs 185
802.1Q Tag All 187
Private VLANs and Firewalls 187
Security Fundamentals 188
Cryptography 188
Symmetric Encryption 190
Asymmetric Encryption 191
Cryptographic Hashing Algorithms 193
Cryptographic HMACs 194
Digital Signatures 195
Virtual Private Networks 196
AAA 197
DataCenter.book Page xvi Wednesday, November 12, 2003 9:52 AM

xvi

Data Center Security Framework 197

Security Policies 198
Security Life Cycle 198
Secure Management Framework 200
Isolating the Management Infrastructure 200
Encryption of Control Data 201
Strong Authentication for Access Control 201
Incident Response and Attack Mitigation 202
Summary 202

Chapter 6 Server Load-Balancing Overview 205

Load Balancing Defined 205
Load Balancing Functions 206
DNS Round-Robin 207
Server Load Balancing 209
Cache Load Balancing 210
Other Load-Balancing Applications 211
VPN/IPSec Load Balancing 211
Firewall Load Balancing 212
Key Concepts of Load Balancing 213
Load-Balancing Process 215
Layer 4 Load Balancing 216
Layer 5 Load Balancing 216
Connection Tracking 218
Connection Persistence 219
Session Persistence 219
Session-Persistence Problems and Solutions 221
Server Health 224
In-Band Server Health Tracking 224
Out-of-Band Server Health Tracking 225
High Availability Considerations 225
Redundancy Protocol 227
Active-Standby Load-Balancing Configuration 228
Active-Active Load-Balancing Configuration 228
Connection and Session State Failover 231
Stateless Failover 231
Sticky Failover 231
Stateful Failover 231
DataCenter.book Page xvii Wednesday, November 12, 2003 9:52 AM

xvii

Generic Load Balancer Architecture 232

Generic Architecture Components 232
Critical Components of a Load Balancer 234
Summary 235

Part II Server Farm Protocols 239

Chapter 7 IP, TCP, and UDP 241

Layers and Protocols 241
IP 245
IP Header 246
Version Field 247
Header Length Field 248
Type of Service Field 248
Total Length Field 250
Identifier Field 250
Flags Field 251
Fragment Offset Field 251
Time-To-Live Field 251
Protocol Field 252
Header Checksum Field 254
Source Address and Destination Address Fields 255
Options Field 255
IP Header Compression 256
TCP 256
TCP Header 258
Source Port and Destination Port Fields 259
Sequence Number Field 262
Acknowledgement Number Field 263
TCP Header Length Field 264
TCP Control Flags 264
Window Size Field 266
Checksum Field 266
Urgent Pointer Field 266
Options Field 266
TCP Connection Overview 267
Connection Establishment 268
Connection Termination 272
DataCenter.book Page xviii Wednesday, November 12, 2003 9:52 AM

xviii

TCP Flow Control 276

Timeout and Retransmission 276
Sliding Windows 276
Congestion Control 278
Fast Retransmission and Fast Recovery 280
Delayed ACK and Immediate ACK 280
Nagle Algorithm 281
TCP Half Close 282
MSS Option 283
Path MTU Discovery Option 284
Issues with PMTUD 287
TCP SACK Option 292
Timestamp Option 294
Window Scale Option 295
PAWS 295
TCP Header Compression 296
UDP 299
UDP Header 299
Source Port Field 299
Destination Port Field 300
Length Field 300
Checksum Field 300
UDP Transaction Overview 301
UDP Header Compression 305
Summary 306
References 307

Chapter 8 HTTP and Related Concepts 309

Resources and Messages 309
URIs 310
Relative or Partial URIs 311
Absolute or Full URIs 312
Rules for Naming Relative and Absolute URIs 314
URLs 315
Relative and Absolute URLs 316
URL Encoding 316
URL Syntax for Specific Schemes 319
URNs 320
URN Namespace 321
URIs, URLs, and URNs 322
DataCenter.book Page xix Wednesday, November 12, 2003 9:52 AM

xix

MIME 323
MIME and HTTP Entities 326
Character Sets 326
Media Types 327
HTTP Overview 328
HTTP Operation 329
HTTP Version 330
HTTP Message Format 332
Message Header 334
Message Body 334
HTTP Connection Overview 335
Persistent Connections and Pipelining 338
HTTP Performance 340
Performance of HTTP/1.1 Versus HTTP/1.0 340
HTTP Compression 342
HTTP General Header 344
Cache-Control General Header Field 344
Connection General Header Field 345
Date General Header Field 346
Pragma General Header Field 346
Transfer-Encoding General Header Field 347
Request Header 347
Request Header Methods 348
OPTIONS Request Header Method 348
GET Request Header Method 349
HEAD Request Header Method 349
POST Request Header Method 349
PUT Request Header Method 350
DELETE Request Header Method 351
TRACE Request Header Method 351
CONNECT Request Header Method 351
Request URI 351
Request Header Fields 352
Accept Request Header Field 353
Accept-Charset Request Header Field 353
Accept-Encoding Request Header Field 353
Authorization Request Header Field 354
Host Request Header Field 354
If-Modified-Since Request Header Field 355
Max-Forwards Request Header Field 355
Range Request Header Field 355
Referer Request Header Field 355
User-Agent Request Header Field 356
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 This ebook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most other
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included with this ebook or online at www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in
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Title: The Irish Penny Journal, Vol. 1 No. 40, April 3, 1841

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*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE IRISH PENNY JOURNAL, VOL. 1
NO. 40, APRIL 3, 1841 ***
 THE IRISH PENNY JOURNAL.
Number 40. SATURDAY, APRIL 3, 1841. Volume I.
 THE IRISH MIDWIFE, Part III.—DANDY
KEHO’S CHRISTENING.
BY WILLIAM CARLETON.

The following Sunday morning, Rose paid an early visit to her patient, for, as it was the
day of young Dandy’s christening, her presence was considered indispensable. There is,
besides, something in the appearance and bearing of a midwife upon those occasions
which diffuses a spirit of buoyancy and light-heartedness not only through the immediate
family, but also through all who may happen to participate in the ceremony, or partake of
the good cheer. In many instances it is known that the very presence of a medical
attendant communicates such a cheerful confidence to his patient, as, independently of
any prescription, is felt to be a manifest relief. So is it with the midwife; with this
difference, that she exercises a greater and more comical latitude of consolation than the
doctor, although it must be admitted that the one generally falls woefully short of that
conventional dress with which we cover nudity of expression. No doubt many of her very
choicest stock jokes, to carry on the metaphor, are a little too fashionably dressed to pass
current out of the sphere in which they are used; but be this as it may, they are so
traditional in character, and so humorous in conception, that we never knew the veriest
prude to feel offended, or the morosest temperament to maintain its sourness, at their
recital. Not that she is at all gross or unwomanly in any thing she may say, but there is
generally in her apothegms a passing touch of fancy—a quick but terse vivacity of
insinuation, at once so full of fun and sprightliness, and that truth which all know but few
like to acknowledge, that we defy any one not irretrievably gone in some incurable
melancholy to resist her humour. The moment she was seen approaching the house,
every one in it felt an immediate elevation of spirits, with the exception of Mrs Keho
herself, who knew that wherever Rose had the arrangement of the bill of fare, there was
sure to be what the Irish call “full an’ plinty”—“lashins an’ lavins”—a fact which made her
groan in spirit at the bare contemplation of such waste and extravagance. She was
indeed a woman of a very un-Irish heart—so sharp in her temper and so penurious in
soul, that one would imagine her veins were filled with vinegar instead of blood.
“Banaght Dheah in shoh” (the blessing of God be here), Rose exclaimed on entering.
“Banaght Dheah agus Murra ghuid” (the blessing of God and the Virgin on you), replied
Corny, “an’ you’re welcome, Rose ahagur.”
“I know that, Corny. Well, how are we?—how is my son?”
“Begarra, thrivin’ like a pair o’ throopers.”
“Thank God for it! Hav’n’t we a good right to be grateful to him any way? An’ is my little
man to be christened to-day?”
“Indeed he is—the gossips will be here presently, an’ so will her mother. But, Rose, dear,
will you take the ordherin’ of the aitin’ an’ drinkin’ part of it?—you’re betther up to these
things than we are, an’ so you ought, of coorse. Let there be no want of any thing; an’ if
there’s an overplush, sorra may care; there’ll be poor mouths enough about the door for
whatever’s left. So, you see, keep never mindin’ any hint she may give you—you know
she’s a little o’ the closest; but no matther. Let there, as I said, be enough an’ to spare.”
“Throth, there spoke your father’s son, Corny; all the ould dacency’s not dead yet, any
how. Well, I’ll do my best. But she’s not fit to be up, you know, an’ of coorse can’t disturb
us.” The expression of her eye could not be misunderstood as she uttered this. “I see,”
said Corny—“devil a betther, if you manage that, all’s right.”
“An’ now I must go in, till I see how she an’ my son’s gettin’ an: that’s always my first
start; bekase you know, Corny, honey, that their health goes afore every thing.”
Having thus undertaken the task required of her, she passed into the bedroom of Mrs
Keho, whom she found determined to be up, in order, as she said, to be at the head of
her own table.
“Well, alanna, if you must, you must; but in the name of goodness I wash my hands out
of the business teetotally. Dshk, dshk, dshk! Oh, wurra! to think of a woman in your state
risin’ to sit at her own table! That I may never, if I’ll see it, or be about the place at all. If
you take your life by your own wilfulness, why, God forgive you; but it mustn’t be while
I’m here. But since you’re bent on it, why, give me the child, an’ afore I go, any how, I
may as well dress it, poor thing! The heavens pity it—my little man—eh?—where was it?
—cheep—that’s it, a ducky; stretch away. Aye stretchin’ an’ thrivin’ an, my son! Oh, thin,
wurra! Mrs Keho, but it’s you that ought to ax God’s pardon for goin’ to do what might
lave that darlin’ o’ the world an orphan, may be. Arrah be the vestments, if I can have
patience wid you. May God pity you, my child. If anything happened your mother, what
’ud become of you, and what ’ud become of your poor father this day? Dshk, dshk,
dshk!” These latter sounds, exclamations of surprise and regret, were produced by
striking the tongue against that part of the inward gum which covers the roots of the
teeth.
“Indeed, Rose,” replied her patient, in her sharp, shrill, quick voice, “I’m able enough to
get up; if I don’t, we’ll be harrished. Corny’s a fool, an’ it’ll be only rap an’ rive wid every
one in the place.”
“Wait, ma’am, if you plaise. Where’s his little barrow? Ay, I have it. Wait, ma’am, if you
plaise, till I get the child dressed, an’ I’ll soon take myself out o’ this. Heaven presarve
us! I have seen the like o’ this afore—ay have I—where it was as clear as crystal that
there was something over them—ay, over them that took their own way as you’re doin’.”
“But if I don’t get up”——
“Oh, by all manes, ma’am—by all manes. I suppose you have a laise o’ your life, that’s
all. It’s what I wish I could get.”
“An’ must I stay here in bed all day, an’ me able to rise, an’ sich wilful waste as will go an
too?”
“Remember you’re warned. This is your first baby, God bless it, an’ spare you both. But,
Mrs Keho, does it stand to raison that you’re as good a judge of these things as a woman
like me, that it’s my business? I ax you that, ma’am.”
This poser in fact settled the question, not only by the reasonable force of the conclusion
to be derived from it, but by the cool authoritative manner in which it was put.
“Well,” said the other, “in that case, I suppose, I must give in. You ought to know best.”
“Thank you kindly, ma’am; have you found it out at last? No, but you ought to put your
two hands under my feet for preventin’ you from doin’ what you intinded. That I may
never sup sorrow, but it was as much as your life was worth. Compose yourself; I’ll see
that there’s no waste, and that’s enough. Here, hould my son—why, thin, isn’t he the
beauty o’ the world, now that he has got his little dress upon him?—till I pin up this
apron across the windy; the light’s too strong for you. There now: the light’s apt to give
one a headache when it comes in full bint upon the eyes that way. Come, alanna, come
an now, till I show you to your father an’ them all. Wurra, thin, Mrs Keho, darlin’,” (this
was said in a low confidential whisper, and in a playful wheedling tone which baffles all
description), “wurra, thin, Mrs Keho, darlin’, but it’s he that’s the proud man, the proud
Corny, this day. Rise your head a little—aisy—there now, that’ll do—one kiss to my son,
now, before he laives his mammy, he says, for a weeny while, till he pays his little
respects to his daddy an’ to all his friends, he says, an’ thin he’ll come back to mammy
agin—to his own little bottle, he says.”
Young Corny soon went the rounds of the whole family, from his father down to the little
herd-boy who followed and took care of the cattle. Many were the jokes which passed
between the youngsters on this occasion—jokes which have been registered by such
personages as Rose, almost in every family in the kingdom, for centuries, and with which
most of the Irish people are too intimately and thoroughly acquainted to render it
necessary for us to repeat them here.
Rose now addressed herself to the task of preparing breakfast, which, in honour of the
happy event, was nothing less than “tay, white bread, and Boxty,” with a glass of poteen
to sharpen the appetite. As Boxty, however, is a description of bread not generally known
to our readers, we shall give them a sketch of the manner in which this Irish luxury is
made. A basket of the best potatoes is got, which are washed and peeled raw; then is
procured a tin grater, on which they are grated; the water is then shired off them, and
the macerated mass is put into a clean sheet, or table-cloth, or bolster-cover. This is
caught at each end by two strong men, who twist it in opposite directions until the
contortions drive up the substance into the middle of the sheet, &c.; this of course expels
the water also; but lest the twisting should be insufficient for that purpose, it is placed,
like a cheese-cake, under a heavy weight, until it is properly dried. They then knead it
into cakes, and bake it on a pan or griddle; and when eaten with butter, we can assure
our readers that it is quite delicious.
The hour was now about nine o’clock, and the company asked to the christening began
to assemble. The gossips or sponsors were four in number; two of them wealthy friends
of the family that had never been married, and the two others a simple country pair, who
were anxious to follow in the matrimonial steps of Corny and his wife. The rest were, as
usual, neighbours, relatives, and cleaveens, to the amount of sixteen or eighteen
persons, men, women, and children, all dressed in their best apparel, and disposed to
mirth and friendship. Along with the rest was Bob M’Cann, the fool, who by the way could
smell out a good dinner with as keen a nostril as the wisest man in the parish could boast
of, and who on such occasions carried turf and water in quantities that indicated the
supernatural strength of a Scotch brownie rather than that of a human being. Bob’s
qualities, however, were well proportioned to each other, for, truth to say, his appetite
was equal to his strength, and his cunning to either.
Corny and Mrs Moan were in great spirits, and indeed we might predicate as much of all
who were present. Not a soul entered the house who was not brought up by Corny to an
out-shot room, as a private mark of his friendship, and treated to an underhand glass of
as good poteen “as ever went down the red lane,” to use a phrase common among the
people. Nothing upon an occasion naturally pleasant gives conversation a more cheerful
impulse than this; and the consequence was, that in a short time the scene was
animated and mirthful to an unusual degree.
Breakfast at length commenced in due form. Two bottles of whisky were placed upon the
table, and the first thing done was to administer a glass to each guest.
“Come, neighbours,” said Corny, “we must dhrink the good woman’s health before we
ate, especially as it’s the first time, any how.”
“To be sure they will, achora, an’ why not? An’ if it’s the first time, Corny, it won’t be the
—— Musha! you’re welcome, Mrs ——! an’ jist in time too”—this she said, addressing his
mother-in-law, who then entered. “Look at this swaddy, Mrs ——; my soul to happiness,
but he’s fit to be the son of a lord. Eh, a pet? Where was my darlin’? Corny, let me dip my
finger in the whisky till I rub his gums wid it. That’s my bully! Oh, the heavens love it, see
how it puts the little mouth about lookin’ for it agin. Throth you’ll have the spunk in you
yet, acushla, an’ it’s a credit to the Kehos you’ll be, if you’re spared, as you will, plaise the
heavens!”
“Well, Corny,” said one of the gossips, “here’s a speedy uprise an’ a sudden recovery to
the good woman, an’ the little sthranger’s health, an’ God bless the baker that gives
thirteen to the dozen, any how!”
“Ay, ay, Paddy Rafferty, you’ll have your joke any way; an’, throth, you’re welcome to it,
Paddy; if you weren’t, it isn’t standin’ for young Corny you’d be to-day.”
“Thrue enough,” said Rose, “an’, by the dickens, Paddy isn’t the boy to be long under an
obligation to any one. Eh, Paddy, did I help you there, avick? Aisy, childre; you’ll smother
my son if you crush about him that way.” This was addressed to some of the youngsters,
who were pressing round to look at and touch the infant.
“It won’t be my fault if I do, Rose,” said Paddy, slyly eyeing Peggy Betagh, then betrothed
to him, who sat opposite, her dark eyes flashing with repressed humour and affection.
Deafness, however, is sometimes a very convenient malady to young ladies, for Peggy
immediately commenced a series of playful attentions to the unconscious infant, which
were just sufficient to excuse her from noticing this allusion to their marriage. Rose
looked at her, then nodded comically to Paddy, shutting both her eyes by way of a wink,
adding aloud, “Throth you’ll be the happy boy, Paddy; an’ woe betide you if you aren’t
the sweetest end of a honeycomb to her. Take care an’ don’t bring me upon you. Well,
Peggy, never mind, alanna; who has a betther right to his joke than the dacent boy that’s
—aisy, childre: saints above! but ye’ll smother the child, so you will.—Where did I get
him, Dinney? sure I brought him as a present to Mrs Keho; I never come but I bring a
purty little babby along wid me—than the dacent boy, dear, that’s soon to be your lovin’
husband? Arrah, take your glass, acushla; the sorrabarm it’ll do you.”
“Bedad, I’m afeard, Mrs Moan. What if it ’ud get into my head, an’ me’s to stand for my
little godson? No, bad scran to me if I could—faix, a glass ’ud be too many for me.”
“It’s not more than half tilled, dear; but there’s sense in what the girl says, Dandy, so
don’t press it an her.”
In the brief space allotted to us we could not possibly give any thing like a full and
correct picture of the happiness and hilarity which prevailed at the breakfast in question.
When it was over, they all prepared to go to the parish chapel, which was distant at least
a couple of miles, the midwife staying at home to see that all the necessary preparations
were made for dinner. As they were departing, Rose took the Dandy aside, and
addressed him thus:
“Now, Dandy, when you see the priest, tell him that it is your wish, above all things, ‘that
he should christen it against the fairies.’ If you say that, it’s enough. And, Peggy, achora,
come here. You’re not carryin’ that child right, alanna; but you’ll know betther yet, plaise
goodness. No, avillish, don’t keep its little head so closely covered wid your cloak; the
day’s a burnin’ day, glory be to God, an’ the Lord guard my child; sure the least thing in
the world, where there’s too much hait, ’ud smother my darlin’. Keep its head out farther,
and just shade its little face that way from the sun. Och, will I ever forget the Sunday
whin poor Molly M’Guigan wint to take Pat Feasthalagh’s child from under her cloak to be
christened, the poor infant was a corpse; an’ only that the Lord put it into my head to
have it privately christened, the father an’ mother’s hearts would break. Glory be to God!
Mrs Duggan, if the child gets cross, dear, or misses any thing, act the mother by him, the
little man. Eh, alanna! where was it? Where was my duck o’ diamonds—my little Con
Roe? My own sweety little ace o’ hearts—eh, alanna! Well, God keep it, till I see it again,
the jewel!”
Well, the child was baptized by the name of his father, and the persons assembled, after
their return from chapel, lounged about Corny’s house, or took little strolls in the
neighbourhood, until the hour of dinner. This of course was much more convivial, and ten
times more vociferous, than the breakfast, cheerful as that meal was. At dinner they had
a dish, which we believe is, like the Boxty, peculiarly Irish in its composition: we mean
what is called sthilk. This consists of potatoes and beans pounded up together in such a
manner that the beans are not broken, and on this account the potatoes are well
champed before the beans are put into them. This is dished in a large bowl, and a hole
made in the middle of it, into which a miscaun or roll of butter is thrust, and then
covered up until it is melted. After this, every one takes a spoon and digs away with his
utmost vigour, dipping every morsel into the well of butter in the middle, before he puts it
into his mouth. Indeed, from the strong competition which goes forward, and the rapid
motion of each right hand, no spectator could be mistaken in ascribing the motive of
their proceedings to the principle of the old proverb, devil take the hindmost. Sthilk
differs from another dish made of potatoes in much the same way, called colcannon. If
there were beans, for instance, in colcannon, it would be sthilk. This practice of many
persons eating out of the same dish, though Irish, and not cleanly, is of very old
antiquity. Christ himself mentions it at the Last Supper. Let us hope, however, that, like
the old custom which once prevailed in Ireland, of several persons drinking at meals out
of the same mether, the usage we speak of will soon be replaced by one of more
cleanliness and individual comfort.
After dinner the whisky began to go round, for in these days punch was a luxury almost
unknown to the class we are writing of. In fact, nobody there knew how to make it but
the midwife, who wisely kept the secret to herself, aware that if the whisky were
presented to them in such a palatable shape, they would not know when to stop, and she
herself might fall short of the snug bottle that is usually kept as a treat for those visits
which she continues to pay during the convalescence of her patients.
“Come, Rose,” said Corny, who was beginning to soften fast, “it’s your turn now to thry a
glass of what never seen wather.” “I’ll take the glass, Dandy—deed will I—but the thruth
is, I never dhrink it hard. No, but I’ll jist take a drop o’ hot wather an’ a grain o’ sugar, an’
scald it; that an’ as much carraway seeds us will lie upon a sixpence does me good; for,
God help me, the stomach isn’t at all sthrong wid me, in regard of bein’ up so much at
night, an’ deprived of my nathural rest.”
“Rose,” said one of them, “is it thrue that you war called out one night, an’ brought
blindfoulded to some grand lady belongin’ to the quality?”
“Wait, avick, till I make a drop o’ wan-grace[1] for the misthress, poor thing; an’, Corny,
I’ll jist throuble you for about a thimbleful o’ spirits to take the smell o’ the wather off it.
The poor creature, she’s a little weak still, an’ indeed it’s wonderful how she stood it out;
but, my dear, God’s good to his own, an’ fits the back to the burden, praise be to his
name!”
She then proceeded to scald the drop of spirits for herself, or, in other words, to mix a
good tumbler of ladies’ punch, making it, as the phrase goes, hot, strong, and sweet—not
forgetting the carraways, to give it a flavour. This being accomplished, she made the
wan-grace for Mrs Keho, still throwing in a word now and then to sustain her part in the
conversation, which was now rising fast into mirth, laughter, and clamour.
“Well, but, Rose, about the lady of quality, will you tell us that?”
“Oh, many a thing happened me as well worth tellin’, if you go to that; but I’ll tell it to
you, childre, for sure the curiosity’s nathural to yez. Why, I was one night at home an’
asleep, an’ I hears a horse’s foot gallopin’ for the bare life up to the door. I immediately
put my head out, an’ the horseman says, ‘Are you Mrs Moan?’
‘That’s the name that’s an me, your honour,’ says myself.
‘Dress yourself thin,’ says he, ‘for you’re sadly wanted; dress yourself and mount behind
me, for there’s not a moment to be lost!’ At the same time I forgot to say that his hat
was tied about his face in sich a way that I couldn’t catch a glimpse of it. Well, my dear,
we didn’t let the grass grow undher our feet for about a mile or so. ‘Now,’ says he, ‘you
must allow yourself to be blindfoulded, an’ it’s useless to oppose it, for it must be done.
There’s the character, may be the life, of a great lady at stake; so be quiet till I cover
your eyes, or,’ says he, lettin’ out a great oath, ‘it’ll be worse for you. I’m a desperate
man;’ an’, sure enough, I could feel the heart of him beatin’ undher his ribs, as if it would
burst in pieces. Well, my dears, what could I do in the hands of a man that was strong
and desperate. ‘So,’ says I, ‘cover my eyes in welcome; only, for the lady’s sake, make no
delay.’ Wid that he dashed his spurs into the poor horse, an’ he foamin’ an’ smokin’ like a
lime-kiln already. Any way, in about half an hour I found myself in a grand bedroom; an’
jist as I was put into the door, he whishpers me to bring the child to him in the next
room, as soon as it would be born. Well, sure I did so, afther lavin’ the mother in a fair
way. But what ’ud you have of it?—the first thing I see, lyin’ an the table, was a purse of
money an’ a case o’ pistols. Whin I looked at him, I thought the devil, Lord guard us! was
in his face, he looked so black and terrible about the brows. ‘Now, my good woman,’ says
he, ‘so far you’ve acted well, but there’s more to be done yet. Take your choice of these
two,’ says he, ‘this purse, or the contents o’ one o’ these pistols, as your reward. You
must murdher the child upon the spot.’ ‘In the name of God an’ his Mother, be you man
or devil, I defy you,’ says I; ‘no innocent blood ’ll ever be shed by these hands.’ ‘I’ll give
you ten minutes,’ says he, ‘to put an end to that brat there;’ an’ wid that he cocked one
o’ the pistols. My dears, I had nothin’ for it but to say in to myself a pather an’ ave as fast
as I could, for I thought it was all over wid me. However, glory be to God! the prayers
gave me great stringth, an’ I spoke stoutly. ‘Whin the king of Jerusalem,’ says I—‘an’ he
was a greater man than ever you’ll be—whin the king of Jerusalem ordhered the
midwives of Aigyp to put Moses to death, they wouldn’t do it, and God preserved them in
spite of him, king though he was,’ says I; ‘an’ from that day to this it was never known
that a midwife took away the life of the babe she aided into the world—No, an’ I’m not
goin’ to be the first that’ll do it.’ ‘The time is out,’ says he, puttin’ the pistol to my ear, ‘but
I’ll give you one minute more.’ ‘Let me go to my knees first,’ says I; ‘an’ now may God
have mercy on my sowl, for, bad as I am, I’m willin’ to die, sooner than commit murdher
an the innocent.’ He gave a start as I spoke, an’ threw the pistol down. ‘Ay,’ said he, ‘an
the innocent—an the innocent—that is thrue! But you are an extraordinary woman: you
have saved that child’s life, and previnted me from committing two great crimes, for it
was my intintion to murder you afther you had murdered it.’ I thin, by his ordhers,
brought the poor child to its mother, and whin I came back to the room, ‘Take that purse,’
says he, ‘an’ keep it as a reward for your honesty.’ ‘Wid the help o’ God,’ says I, ‘a penny
of it will never come into my company, so it’s no use to ax me.’ ‘Well,’ says he, ‘afore you
lave this, you must swear not to mintion to a livin’ sowl what has happened this night, for
a year and a day.’ It didn’t signify to me whether I mintioned it or not; so being jack-
indifferent about it, I tuck the oath, and kept it. He thin bound my eyes agin, hoisted me
up behind him, an’ in a short time left me at home. Indeed, I wasn’t betther o’ the start it
tuck out o’ me for as good as six weeks afther!”
The company now began to grow musical; several songs were sung; and when the
evening got farther advanced, a neighbouring fiddler was sent for, and the little party had
a dance in the barn, to which they adjourned lest the noise might disturb Mrs Keho, had
they held it in the dwelling-house. Before this occurred, however, the “midwife’s glass”
went the round of the gossips, each of whom drank her health, and dropped some silver,
at the same time, into the bottom of it. It was then returned to her, and with a smiling
face she gave the following toast:—“Health to the parent stock! So long as it thrives,
there will always be branches! Corny Keho, long life an’ good health to you an’ yours!
May your son live to see himself as happy as his father! Youngsters, here’s that you may
follow a good example! The company’s health in general I wish; an’, Paddy Rafferty, that
you may never have a blind child but you’ll have a lame one to lead it!—ha! ha! ha!
What’s the world widout a joke? I must see the good woman an’ my little son afore I go;
but as I won’t follow yez to the barn, I’ll bid yez good night, neighbours, an’ the blessin’
of Rose Moan be among yez!”
And so also do we take leave of our old friend Rose Moan, the Irish Midwife, who we
understand took her last leave of the world only about a twelvemonth ago.

[1] A wan-grace is a kind of small gruel or meal tea sweetened with sugar.
 THE BAROMETZ, OR TARTAN LAMB.
Before steam and all the other facilities for travel had made us so well acquainted with
the productions of remote parts of the earth as we are at present, every traveller on his
return astonished his auditors or the readers of his works with accounts of monsters
which existed only as the creations of his ingenuity, and to give importance to his
discoveries. One out of many which could be produced, and which, as they may afford
innocent amusement, we purpose from time to time to bring under the notice of the
readers of the Penny Journal, we lately met with in an account of Struy’s Travels through
Russia, Tartary, &c., in the seventeenth century. The object of wonder was in this case
the Scythian or Tartarian lamb, a creature which, it was stated, sprang from the ground
like a plant, and, restrained to the spot on which it was produced, devoured every
vegetable production within its reach, and was itself in turn eaten by the wolves of the
country. This singular production has since been found to be nothing more than a plant
of the fern tribe, the Aspedium barometz, found occasionally in arid plains, where
scarcely any other vegetable production can exist; it rises like many others of the tree
ferns with a rugged or shaggy stem; and the plant having decayed or been uprooted by
any accident, it is not impossible that by means of a storm or otherwise it might be found
supported on its feet, namely, the stumps of the leaves; but that it pastured on other
plants, or was mistaken by the wolves for a lamb, although speculations which the
wonder-seeking traveller might be tempted to indulge in, it need hardly be said are
ornamental additions introduced to suit the taste of the narrator, and to pander to that
love of the marvellous which prevailed in the age in which he lived. The following is his
account of this wonderful plant-animal:—
“On the western side of the Volga there is an elevated salt plain of great extent, but
wholly uncultivated and uninhabited. On this plain (which furnishes all the neighbouring
countries with salt) grows the boranez, or bornitch. This wonderful plant has the shape
and appearance of a lamb, with feet, head, and tail distinctly formed. Boranez, in the
language of Muscovy, signifies a little lamb. Its skin is covered with very white down, as
soft as silk. The Tartars and Muscovites esteem it highly, and preserve it with great care
in their houses, where I have seen many such lambs. The sailor who gave me one of
those precious plants found it in a wood, and had its skin made into an under-waistcoat.
I learned at Astrican from those who were best acquainted with the subject, that the
lamb grows upon a stalk about three feet high, that the part by which it is sustained is a
kind of navel, and that it turns itself round, and bends down to reach the herbage which
serves it for food. They also said that it dries up and pines away when the grass fails. To
this I objected, that the languor and occasional withering might be natural to it, as plants
are accustomed to fade at certain times. To this they replied, that they had also once
thought so, but that numerous experiments had proved the contrary to be the fact, such
as cutting away, or by other means corrupting or destroying the grass all around it; after
which they assured me that it fell into a languishing state and decayed insensibly. These
persons also added, that the wolves are very fond of these vegetable lambs, and devour
them with avidity, because they resemble in taste the animals whose name they bear,
and that in fact they have bones, blood, and flesh, and hence they are called zoophytes,
or plant-animals. Many other things I was likewise told, which might, however, appear
scarcely probable to such as have not seen them.”
M.

Method of making Tar at Archangel.—They dig a hole in the ground, of sufficient size, some
two or three fathoms deep, and little more than half way down they make a platform of
wood, and thereon heap earth about a foot deep, except in the middle, where a hole is
left in the form of a tunnel. They then fill the pit with fir billets piled up from the
platform, and rising about a fathom or more above ground, which part they wall about
with turf and clay to keep in the fire. They command the fire by quenching: for which use
they make a lixivium of the ashes of fir. When all is ready, they set fire a-top, and keep
the wood burning, but very leisurely, till it has sunk within a foot or two of the partition;
and then they heave out the fire as fast as it is possible; for if it once laid hold of the tar
which is settled down into the lower pit, it blows all up forthwith. These tar-pits take up a
great deal of trouble, and many men to tend them during the time of their burning, that
the fire may descend even and leisurely, whereby the tar may have time to soak out of
the wood, and settle down into the pit. As it comes from the wood it is pure tar, but in
the pit it mixes with water, which issues from the wood also; therefore it is afterwards
clarified.—Life of Sir Dudley North.

Aurora Borealis.—According to Crantz, the Greenlanders hold the northern lights for a
game of tennis, or for a dance of departed souls; and this opinion is not a whit more
irrational than the superstition of the oriental nations, the Greeks and Romans, and all
the unenlightened people of the middle ages, who, in the aurora borealis, and other fiery
meteors, saw fighting armies, flaming swords, chariots and spears, battles and blood,
and even thought that they heard the clashing of arms and the sound of martial music.
In the rainbow the ancient inhabitants of the north discovered a bridge from earth to
heaven, and called it the bridge of the gods, which was watched by a dog, whom no art
could elude, and whose auditory faculty was such, that he could hear the grass grow or
the wool on the sheep’s back; the Kamschatkadales make of it a new garment for their
aërial spirits, edged with fringes of red-coloured seal-skin, and leather thongs of various
gaudy dyes.
 THE ISLE OF SAINTS.
“Primus ordo sanctissimus; secundus ordo sanctior; tertius sanctus. Primus sicut sol
ardescit; secundus sicut luna; tertius sicut stellæ.”—See the ancient catalogue of the
three classes of Irish saints, as published by Usher and Lanigan.
There lived to Erin’s hallowed borders,
In days of yore, three saintly Orders.
And first, the simply holy:—They
Shed like the stars a flickering ray.
The second—holier—poured a light
Moon-like, subdued and calmly bright.
The third, or holiest of all,
Shone like the sun—or like Saint Paul.

But, oh, the state of man’s unrest

In good!—the last were first and best.
The middle but a term between
The purest and the least serene;
Less than the greatest—greater far
Than those whose emblem is the star.
Waning they ran a downward race,
With fainter faith and lessening grace,
Till, reaching to the stage most lowly,
The least and latest were the Holy.

Oh, that they there had staid!—that sin

Had, to this swept and garnished inn
Returning, found the entrance barred,
And Faith still keeping watch and ward!—
Alas!—they slept in Ease’s bower;
They could not “watch one little hour.”
The stars their ineffectual light
In slumber sealed. The thief by night
Entered; and o’er the rich domain
Sowed tares among the better grain.
Sin flourished;—poverty and strife
Embittered all the charms of life;
And passion, with unbounded sway,
Swept sun and moon and stars away.

And yet not ever such, sweet Isle,

Shall be thy fate. The stars shall smile
Again upon thy valleys green,
Again the moon shall beam serene
Upon thy mountains; and the bright
Celestial sun clothe thee with light,
With plenty bless, and warm and cheer
Thy long-delayed millenial year.

Even now the sacred morning dawns,

The clouds are fleeting from thy lawns;
And as light thickens in the sk
And, as light thickens in the sky,
Lo! Riot and Intemperance fly;
And chaste sobriety imparts
Her cup, and Industry his arts.
Peace, Love, and Holiness once more
Row their sweet ark towards thy shore;
And Heaven renews the favouring smile
That made thee once the Saintly Isle.
 ANIMAL CHARMING,
OR THE SUBJUGATION OF ANIMALS BY MEANS OF CHARMS,
SPELLS, OR DRUGS.

Third and Concluding Article.

In my last paper I endeavoured to show how exceedingly absurd and unfounded was the
notion of the Abbé Dubois and Denon, that the serpent-charmers of India were and are a
set of juggling impostors, who practise on the credulity of the vulgar, and vainly set
forward pretensions to an art which has no actual existence, and which, consequently,
possesses no legitimate claims on the attention of the philosophic inquirer. I now wish to
bring all that I would observe upon this very curious subject to a conclusion. I
acknowledge my inability to furnish my readers with a thorough explanation of the means
by which these wonders are performed, but I think I may be able, at all events, to
suggest such hints as may place them on the direct path to the attainment of the
knowledge they desire; after which, nothing will be necessary but some degree of
research and perseverance to afford them a complete gratification of their wishes.
It is evident, that whatever may be the supplementary means employed in serpent-
charming, music is necessary to its accomplishment. I should not be satisfied on this
point were it merely dependent upon the assertions of the jugglers themselves, as in
such case it might not unnaturally be set down as a mere external cloak for some more
important secret which the performers did not wish to be discovered; and for this reason
I made the observation in my first article on this subject, that the precise importance of
the music in these operations was not as yet entirely apparent. I wish it to be
understood, however, that although the degree of importance in which music should be
held as an adjunct to the charming of snakes, or as a primary part of the process, has
not as yet been ascertained by those who have investigated or endeavoured to
investigate the business, and published the results of their inquiries, I for my part am
fully satisfied on the subject. To return, however, to our more immediate matter of
discussion.
Many have conceived that serpent-charming depends in the first instance upon the
snakes being previously deprived of their fangs, and thus rendered innocuous. This
opinion I have already demonstrated as palpably erroneous. Others, again, hold that the
jugglers possess a power, by eating certain herbs, or chewing the leaves or roots of
certain plants, of rendering themselves proof against animal poisons. In order to render
themselves perfectly secure, it is said that their practice is to chew the herbs, to inoculate
various parts of their body with the juice, and even bathe themselves in water in which
these herbs have been steeped. It is supposed that the bodies of the charmers thus
become not merely proof against the most deadly poison should they chance to be
bitten, but that those thus prepared exhale from their persons an odour which produces
a benumbing or stupifying effect upon the reptiles, and renders them an easy capture.
Whether or not it be true that such is the case, we know that the Psylli not merely
profess the power of charming snakes, but also that of curing by spells, and the
application of certain herbs, such as have been bitten by them. We are informed by the
historian and biographer Plutarch, that Cato in his march through the desert took with
him many of those persons called Psylli (then a distinct tribe, though at the present day
that name is applied indiscriminately to all professing the art of serpent-charming) to
suck out the poison from the wounds of any of his soldiers that might chance to be bitten
by any of the numerous venomous serpents which infested his route. The powers of the
Psylli were then always attributed to magic, and the performers themselves took care to
confirm that opinion by accompanying the application of remedies to their patients with
muttered spells or elaborately wrought and imposing incantations. This is a testimony
respecting the ancient repute in which charmers were held, not lightly to be rejected.
While some travellers are too sceptical, I have likewise to complain that others are too
credulous. For instance, while Dubois and Denon scout the idea of serpents being
charmed at all, Bruce asserts, and that from minute personal observation, that all the
blacks of Sennaar are completely armed by nature against the bite of either scorpion or
viper. “They will,” says he, “take their horned snakes (there the most common and one of
the most fatal of the viper tribe) in their hands at all times, put them in their bosoms,
and throw them at one another as children will balls or apples, during which sport the
serpents are seldom irritated to bite, or if they do, no mischief results from the wound.”
Of course it must be evident that Bruce in this instance ascribed rather too much to the
bounty of nature, and forgot how far art might have aided in producing the appearance
which astonished him.
Don Pedro D’Orbies Y. Vargas, who published in the year 1791 the result of a series of
investigations he instituted to ascertain the secret on which serpent-charming depended,
informs us that it is also extensively practised by the natives of South America, and that
they produce the wished-for end by means of a certain plant named the quacho-mithy, so
designated from its having been first observed to have been resorted to by the serpent-
hawk, or, as the bird is sometimes styled, the “quacho-mithy,” and by it sucked,
preparatory to its encounters with the poisonous reptiles which it fought with and
destroyed for its prey. Taking the hint from the naturally and instinctively instructed bird,
the Indians chewed the plant thus discovered, and inoculated and washed their bodies
with its juice, rubbing it into punctures made in their breasts, hands, and feet; and, thus
prepared, they dreaded not the bite of the most venomous snake. Don Pedro himself,
and the domestics of his household, used after these simple precautions to venture into
the thickest woods and the most dangerous meadows, and fearlessly seize in their hands
the largest and most poisonous serpents; the creatures seemed as if under the influence
of a sort of charm or fascination, and very rarely attempted to bite; and at any rate, even
if they did, no evil consequence resulted from the wound beyond the temporary
inconvenience produced by the laceration of the flesh by the animals’ teeth.
The same gentleman to whom I was indebted for the anecdote of the encounter with the
cobra de capella, mentioned in a preceding paper, informed me that he had detected a
snake-charmer in the act of chewing and inoculating himself with some plant, the name
or character of which he could not however ascertain, though he offered the juggler a
considerable sum for the information. One of the leaves of this plant, and the only one he
saw, he states to have been of a long and narrow form, with the sides indented or
scolloped, somewhat like those of our own common dandelion.
Now, it appears to me by no means difficult of deduction from the facts brought forward
in this and the preceding papers on the same subject, that the secret of the snake-
charmers is dependent upon two ingredients, viz, in the first place the employment of an
antidote which will not only mollify the effects of the reptiles’ venom, should the
experimenters happen to be bitten, but, from some peculiar odour which it emits, stupify
or intoxicate the snake, and indispose it from violence, inclining it rather to appreciate the
melody with which they are treating it, and luxuriate in hearing of their fife; and, in the
second place, the sounds of music which the whole class of reptiles appear more or less
to be sensible of, and which will induce the serpents to quit their holes when they come
within the sphere of the influence of the intoxicating odour, and, abandoning themselves
to its effects, fall into a state of temporary oblivion, and are taken captive. We ourselves
are well acquainted with several substances which are capable of producing upon such
creatures as we are conversant with in these islands, effects no less astonishing than
those produced upon the snakes by the charmers of India or South America. It is, for
instance, a very common thing, and an experiment I have not only often seen tried, but
have tried myself dozens of times, and that with success, to charm trout, perch, or roach,
with assafœtida. If you sprinkle this substance, finely powdered, upon the surface of the
water, you will presently see the fish crowding to the spot; and even if you rub your
hands well with it, and, gradually approaching the water, gently immerse them in it, you
will ere long find the fish attracted towards you, and, losing their natural timidity, actually
permit themselves to be taken. Many have imagined that it was upon the use of a certain
drug that the wonderful power possessed and successfully exerted by Sullivan, the
whisperer, depended; but for my part I think the circumstance of Sullivan’s son having
been unable to produce similar effects, although instructed by his father in the mystery,
is sufficient to show that Sullivan’s trick depended upon some means less certain in
operation than the mere employment of a drug would be, and in which mechanical
dexterity and personal bearing occupied places of no mean importance.
Rat-catchers used formerly to employ certain drugs, or combinations of them, to collect
these vermin into one place, and thus destroy them wholesale, or to entice them into the
trap; and it has been pretended by some worthy members of this ancient and mystic
calling, that they are possessed of secrets by which they can, if they please, draw away
all the rats from any premises on which they may be employed. I have, however, sought
after the most talented living professors of rat-catching, and I cannot say I have ever
witnessed miracles equal to that. I have, however, seen a trap placed in a cellar haunted
by rats, and left there all night, filled next morning with these vermin to the number of
thirty, and surrounded by a host of others, who actually could not enter from want of
room! I have seen a tame white rat smeared with a certain composition, let loose in a
vault, and in less than half an hour return, followed by at least half a dozen others, who
appeared so enamoured of the white-coloured decoy, or of some scent that hung about
him, that they suffered themselves to be taken alive in the rat-catcher’s hand, and never
so much as offer to bite. I purchased this secret from an old rat-catcher, and have much
pleasure in communicating it to the public, and more especially to the discriminating
patrons of the Irish Penny Journal. It consists of the following simple preparation:—

Powdered assafœtida 2 grains.

Essential oil of rhodium 3 drachms.
Essential oil of lavender 1 scruple.
Oil of aniseed 1 drachm.

Let the assafœtida be first well triturated with the aniseed, then add the oil of rhodium,
still continuing to rub the material well up together in a mortar, after which add the oil of
lavender, and cork up the mixture in a close bottle until required. The method of
employing this receipt is very simple, and consists merely in smearing the decoy rat with
it, in mixing a few drops of it with a little flour or starch, and employing the paste thus
formed as a bait for the trap; and if you anoint your hands with this mixture, you may
put them into a cage full of rats without the slightest danger of a bite. I have done so
repeatedly myself, and never got bitten unless when I had prepared the composition
improperly, or displayed timidity in proceeding to handle the animals—a defect of
demeanour which appears capable of counteracting the working of the charm.
The liking which rats exhibit for the perfume produced by the above simple composition
is truly wonderful, but will be readily admitted, even while as yet its efficacy remains
untested, by any person who has witnessed the passion exhibited by cats for valerian, or
of dogs for galbanum, and after much consideration and attentive observation I have
come to the conclusion that the effects produced by different substances upon these
animals have a common origin, viz., in the peculiar odour calling into play the sexual
appetite, and that too in a more than commonly energetic manner; of course I only mean
to apply this latter observation to the case of dogs, rats, and cats. I have no intention of
thus seeking to explain away the effect produced upon serpents or fishes by certain
odours, accompanied by music; indeed, in these instances I should rather ascribe the
effects produced to a sort of intoxicating, fascinating influence, bearing no distant
resemblance to the power exercised towards other animals by many of the serpent tribe
themselves. The fascination of the rattle-snake, for example, seems in a great measure
to depend upon the agency of a certain intoxicating odour which the reptile has the
power of producing at pleasure. In support of this opinion I may adduce the testimony of
Major A. Gordon, who thus explains the fascination of serpents in a paper read before the
New York Historical Society. He adduced various facts in support of his opinions, and
amongst the rest mentions a negro, who could by smell alone discover a rattle-snake
when in the exercise of this power, at the distance of two hundred feet, and who,
following such indications, never failed of finding some poor animal drawn within its
vortex, and in vain struggling with the irresistible influence. By no means remotely allied
to charming and fascination would appear to be that mysterious and as yet doubtful
power, animal magnetism, a subject on which I shall not dilate, as it hardly falls within
the limits indicated by the heading of this paper, which has now run to a length
considerably greater than I contemplated at starting; and consequently I think it time to
take my leave, trusting I have at least given a clue to the great secret on which depends
the magical influence of the serpent-charmer.
H. D. R.
 WHY DO ROOTS GROW DOWNWARDS, AND
STEMS TOWARDS THE HEAVENS?
Second Article.
Our readers may remember a very simple experiment, but pregnant with important
results, which we described in our former article: namely, if an onion plant, exposed to
day light, be laid horizontally on the ground, the extremities of the stem and roots will in
the course of a few hours turn themselves in their natural directions, the one upwards
and the other downwards; if a similar plant be placed in a dark cellar, to which no light
has access, the same things will take place; but that which happens in a few hours in the
one instance, will require as many days in the other. From this experiment we were led to
conclude that in the production of the proper directions of stems and roots, two classes
of causes operate, namely, the light; and, secondly, some other principle distinct from
light. Our former article was devoted to the explanation of the manner in which light
causes stems to ascend, and roots to descend; we shall now endeavour to investigate
that other principle, less powerful, but more universal, which shares in the production of
the same phenomena.
If the flower stalk of the common dandelion be split vertically into a number of portions,
each of these will be seen, spontaneously, to curl outwards; the same tendency must be
familiar to every one in celery dressed for the table; if the root of the dandelion be split
vertically into two or more parts, these will likewise be found to curve, but in a contrary
direction from those of the stem; they will curl inwards. We thus find that all the portions
of stem placed round the central axis have a natural tendency to curl outwards; while all
the portions of root round the central axis have a tendency to curl inwards. The stem
may be therefore considered as consisting of a number of springs placed round a central
axis, and all endeavouring to burst away from each other; while the root, in a like
manner, may be regarded as composed of a number of springs placed round a central
axis, and all pressing against each other. These natural tendencies are overcome, in the
living plant, by the mutual cohesion of these parts or springs; but when this cohesion is
removed by the knife, their influence becomes acknowledged.
Now, if we imagine a number of springs, all of equal strength, and either dragging away
from each other or pressing together, it will be easily understood that in such cases
perfect equilibrium should result: for, of two springs pulling in opposite directions, for
either to overcome, it is necessary that one should be the more powerful; and the same
applies to springs pressing against each other. As long, therefore, as a stem consists of a
number of equal springs, all endeavouring to burst away from each other, its direction will
be in a straight line; and as long as a root is composed of equal springs pressing towards
each other, its direction, likewise, will be straight.
If a stem or root be placed for a certain length of time in a horizontal position, the
peculiar tendency to curvation of its parts will become modified. If a stem which has
been thus treated be split along its axis, the part which, while it was in a horizontal
position, was superior, will have its tendency to curl outwards increased; while that which
was under the same circumstances inferior, will have its tendency to curl outwards
diminished. If a root be placed, during a certain period, horizontally, and then split along
its axis, the superior portion will be found to have its tendency to curl inwards increased,
while the inferior portion will have the same tendency diminished. A horizontal position is
therefore found to increase the peculiar tendencies to curvation of the superior parts of
stems and roots, and to lessen those of the inferior half.
Now, we have already ascertained that while equal springs either pull against or press
towards each other, equilibrium is obtained; but if from any cause the springs become
unequal, the greater power may be expected to overcome the less. When a stem or root
has been kept for some time horizontally, the upper half has its elastic power increased,
while the spring of the most depending portion has become diminished; we have
therefore now springs of unequal power placed round a central axis, the superior being
rendered more energetic, while their antagonists have become weakened; it is
reasonable, therefore, to expect that the respective directions of roots and stems under
such circumstances should be obedient to the excess of elasticity which the upper half
has acquired over the lower; in other words, these stems and roots ought to direct
themselves in accordance with the natural tendencies of the superior springs which enter
into the structure of these organs. Now, the superior springs of the stems have a natural
tendency to curl outwards, or when placed horizontally, upwards; and the superior half of
the root has an equally natural tendency to curl inwards, or, when placed horizontally,
downwards. Need we be surprised, therefore, if in obedience to these more powerful
springs the stems and roots of vegetables shall (as experience shows us they will do)
curve, after having been placed for some time in a horizontal position, the former upward
and the latter downward?
Let us now endeavour to explain the causes which produce these peculiar and different
tendencies to curvation of stems and roots, and for this purpose it will be necessary for
us to premise, that the fleshy substance which constitutes the basis of vegetable
structure is composed of a multitude of little vesicles or cells, each perfectly distinct in
itself, and merely adhering by its external surface with those surrounding it, while it
contains a thick syrupy liquid; these cells, although pressed to a certain extent against
each other, are not so closely approached as to obliterate completely the spaces existing
between them, so that little passages, called intercellular passages, continue to remain,
during the life of the plant, between the cells through which the ascending sap rises in its
passage to the buds. This ascending sap is not so viscid a liquid as that contained in the
cells: thus, the syrupy contents of the latter must, according to the principle of
endosmose described in a previous article, absorb into the cells the ascending sap, in a
way similar to that whereby syrup placed in a bladder, immersed in a basin of water, will
attract the latter liquid through the membrane, until the bladder be filled. While the sap
continues to ascend, therefore, the cells must necessarily continue swollen in proportion
to their size.
If we examine the relative size of the cells in stems and roots, we will meet with a
remarkable phenomenon: in stems the largest cells are situated towards the centre; but
on the contrary, in roots, the largest cells are placed near the circumference. Now, we
have ascertained in the preceding paragraph that all the cells have a tendency to swell in
proportion to their size: it follows that the central cells of stems and the circumferential
cells of roots possess the greatest tendency to swell. The centre of a stem has therefore
greater elasticity than the circumference, while the circumference of a root has greater
elasticity than the centre. When this elasticity in either case is permitted to exert itself by
means of a vertical section, it causes each half of the stem to curl outwards, and each
half of the root to curl inwards. If the influence of endosmose be acknowledged, the
explanation is perfect.
But it may be said, what proof have we that endosmose operates in these cases? An
experiment instituted by Dutrochet, and repeated by the writer of this article, sufficiently
demonstrates its influence. A plant of dandelion was immersed in syrup, and after a
certain time the root and stalk were severally split in a vertical direction: the tendencies
to incurvation of these organs were now seen to be completely changed from what they
are under ordinary circumstances; the parts of the stalk curled inwards, those of the root
outwards: this was exactly what might be expected, if we suppose endosmose to be the
cause of these phenomena; placed in syrup, this thick fluid attracted liquid out of the
cells, which consequently shrunk in place of expanding; and the larger cells contracting
more than the smaller, the former elasticities became reversed.
It remains to be seen why it is that when roots and stems are planted for some time in a
horizontal position, the proper elasticities of the superior parts become increased, while
those of the inferior become diminished. These phenomena can be explained by
recollecting that the ascending sap is a heterogeneous fluid, composed of mucilage and
syrup, mixed with light water and carbonic acid, which have been drawn up unchanged
from the extremities of the roots, and are destined to escape, or undergo decomposition
in the leaves. It is not difficult to imagine that this heterogeneous fluid contained in the
intercellular passages should be subjected to the influence of gravity; if this be admitted,
we can then understand how in a horizontal root or stem the heavier and more viscid
portion of the sap should descend into the inferior half, and the lighter ascend between
the cells of the superior half; endosmose will take place in proportion to the difference of
density between the liquid in the intercellular passages and that contained in the cells;
therefore it will take place more energetically in the superior half, where is the lighter
fluid; and as the elasticity depends upon the energy of endosmose, the upper portion
will, according to its nature, curve with greater force, while the elasticity of the lower part
will be lessened. This explanation acquires increased weight from the fact that the
specific gravity of the most depending portions of stems and roots growing horizontally in
the dark, is greater than that of the upper.
But we have stronger arguments in favour of the supposition that gravity is essentially
connected with the several directions of stems and roots. These directions take place
naturally in the “line of gravity,” that is, parallel to a line drawn from the centre of the
mass towards the centre of the earth; at the same time it is to be remarked, that
although roots grow in the direction of gravity, that is, towards the centre of the earth,
stems grow in exactly the opposite way. An experiment made by Mr Knight has been
repeated by different philosophers, to determine whether these directions of stems and
roots bear to other physical laws the same relation they do to gravity. Seeds permitted to
germinate in wet moss were attached to the circumference of a wheel made to revolve
constantly in a vertical manner; under these circumstances the roots grew outwards,
away from the circumference of the wheel, and the stems towards its centre; the roots
were thus found to obey the centrifugal force, and the stems the centripetal; but while
the wheel revolved vertically, gravity and the centrifugal force were operating in the same
direction. It was necessary to cause them to act in different directions, and for this
purpose the wheel was made to revolve horizontally: in this case the centrifugal force
acted at right angles to the line of gravity, and it was accordingly found, in obedience to
the law of the composition of forces, that the roots no longer grew towards the centre of
the earth, nor towards the circumference of the wheel, but in a plane between these two
forces; and the angle which they formed with the line of gravity could be rendered more
or less acute by increasing or diminishing the velocity with which the wheel rotated. It
was thus made evident that roots and stems were influenced by physical laws, although
growing in opposite directions.
We have thus shown why roots grow downwards and stems towards the heavens: in the
dark these things arise through the influence of gravity controlling endosmose, and thus
producing the proper incurvations of the parts of stems and roots. Under the influence of
light the same phenomena more energetically arise from the agency of this element over
vegetable growth.
J. A.
 THE LADY WITH THE SPECTACLES.
Beauty in spectacles is like Cupid in knee breeches, or the Graces with pocket
handkerchiefs—an excrescence of refinement; an innovation of the ideas which
spiritualize woman into a goddess; a philosophical blossom of the “march of mind.”
Beauty in spectacles! and has it come to this? Burke said that the age of chivalry was
past, and publishers say that the age of poetry has followed it; powder and periwigs
destroyed the one, and spectacles have gone far to annihilate the other. Think of the
queen of beauty of some tournament—thanks to my Lord Eglintoun for making such
words familiar to us—looking on the encountering knights through a patent pair of
spectacles!—picture to yourself a beautiful and romantic young lady parting from her
lover, taking the “first long lingering kiss of love,” as pretty Miss Pardoe terms it, and just
imagine the figure the spectacles would cut in such an encounter; think of Mary Queen of
Scots, Lady Jane Grey, Scott’s “Jewess,” or Shakspeare’s “Lady Macbeth,” with such
appendages! I think of a heroine in a novel taking off her spectacles to shed “salt tears”
for her lover’s absence, or in the emotion of a distressing juncture throwing herself at the
feet of some obdurate tyrant, breaking the lenses of her “sight preservers;” think of all
this, and judge of the effect which spectacles, as an ornament, have upon romance.
Beauty has three stages—the coy, the dignified, and the intellectual. The first exists until
about twenty, the second until twenty-five, and the last until beauty has made unto itself
wings and flown away. It is in this last stage that women wear spectacles. The symptoms
of spectacles begin at an early age. The young Miss has a primness, a staidness, and a
miniature severity of aspect, at variance from her years. They never seem young; there is
no freshness of heart in them: they become women faster than other girls, and become
old faster than other women; they are remarkable for thin lips, sharp noses, and white
artificial teeth. They are walking strictures upon human life—bleak visions of philosophy
in petticoats—daughters, not it would seem of love, but of Fellows of the Royal Society!
They are fond of phrenology and meetings of scientific associations. They like a good
pew in church, and write long letters to their unfortunate “friends in the country.” They
are generally spinsters, or, if married, motherless. No young wife with “six small children”
ever wore spectacles. They go a good deal into company, where they are seen seated on
sofas talking to ladies older than themselves, or turning over the leaves of a book, and
with interesting abstraction poring over it. They dance quadrilles, but never waltz.
Heaven and earth! think of a pair of spectacles whirling in a waltz. They have a genius for
the “scholastic profession,” and frequently exercise it as amateurs “never eat suppers;”
and are, many of them, members of the Horticultural Society. The lady with the
spectacles! Half a century ago this would have been understood to refer to some one
stricken in years, but now-a-days infirmity of eye-sight has been raised to the rank of a
charm. The moment spectacles become really useful they are abandoned; it is the
harmonious combination of youth and short-sightedness which gives beauty to the guise.
Intense interest is expected to be felt towards her, who, still young and lovely, abandons
the frivolities of her sex for the calm secluded pleasures of intellect. This is the point our
heroines aim at. But we have done with them. They may be very good in their way, but
their ways are not as our ways. Flirts, coquettes, prudes, and a host of other orders into
which the sex are classified, have their failings, but they, at least, are women; while the
“lady with the spectacles” seems hardly a daughter of Eve, but a mysterious being; a
new creation, come into the world to gladden the lovers of modern science, and
patronise the house of Solomons and Co.—Court Gazette.

Marriage.—It is the happiest and most virtuous state of society, in which the husband and
wife set out early together, make their property together, and with perfect sympathy of
soul graduate all their expenses, plans, calculations and desires, with reference to their
present means, and to their future and common interest. Nothing delights me more than
to enter the neat little tenement of the young couple, who within perhaps two or three
years, without any resources but their own knowledge or industry, have joined heart and
hand, and engage to share together the responsibilities, duties, interests, trials, and
pleasures of life. The industrious wife is cheerfully employing her own hands in domestic
duties, putting her house in order, or mending her husband’s clothes, or preparing the
dinner, whilst, perhaps, the little darling sits prattling upon the floor, or lies sleeping in the
cradle—and everything seems preparing to welcome the happiest of husbands and the
best of fathers, when he shall come from his toil to enjoy the sweets of his little paradise.
This is the true domestic pleasure, the “only bliss that survived the fall.” Health,
contentment, love, abundance, and bright prospects, are all here. But it has become a
prevalent sentiment, that a man must acquire his fortune before he marries—that the
wife must have no sympathy, nor share with him in the pursuit of it, in which most of the
pleasure truly consists; and the young married people must set out with as large and
expensive an establishment as is becoming those who have been wedded for 20 years.
This is very unhappy. It fills the community with bachelors, who are waiting to make their
fortunes, endangering virtue and promoting vice—it destroys the true economy and
design of the domestic institution, and it promotes idleness and inefficiency among
females, who are expecting to be taken up by a fortune, and passively sustained, without
any care or concern on their part—and thus many a wife becomes, as a gentleman once
remarked, not a “help-mate,” but a “help-eat.”—Winslow.

Printed and published every Saturday by Gunn and Cameron, at the

Office of the General Advertiser. No. 6, Church Lane, College Green,
Dublin.—Agents:—R. Groombridge, Panyer Alley, Paternoster Row,
London; Simms and Dinham, Exchange Street, Manchester; C. Davies,
North John Street, Liverpool; Slocombe and Simms, Leeds; J. Menzies,
Prince’s Street, Edinburgh; and David Robertson, Trongate, Glasgow.
*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE IRISH PENNY
JOURNAL, VOL. 1 NO. 40, APRIL 3, 1841 ***

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