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Duchess to dinner, and all of us in the evening.
On the 12th there was a ball there, and also on the 1st of June.
The next day, the Duchess being ill, I had to accompany Princess
Charlotte to dinner at Carlton House. The Queen, two of the
Princesses, and a small party dined there. The Hertfords, Liverpools,
Cholmondeleys, Hampdens, and Lord St. Helens, were the usual set,
and were there that day. The Prince was uncommonly gracious to
me, and it was settled that I was to go to Windsor with Princess
Charlotte on the 4th of June (the King’s birthday), dine at Frogmore,
and come back the next day. We went, and the Prince was again all
courtesy. He seemed very anxious that the Duchess of Leeds should
send the Queen a letter[143] of mine, which she had never seen, and
which he and good Princess Augusta thought would restore me to
her favour. At all events, he desired I would not be uneasy, and that
although the Queen might be angry with me herself, he was sure
she would be much more angry with any one who should speak
against me. He was in high good humour, but in the midst of it,
tapping me on the shoulder, said, “Remember, however, my dear
Chevalier, that Charlotte must lay aside the idle nonsense of thinking
that she has a will of her own; while I live she must be subject to
me as she is at present, if she were thirty, or forty, or five-and-forty.”
This, of course, I did not repeat to her Royal Highness.
The Prince had desired Princess Charlotte to make him a present
of her portrait, and she had for some time been sitting to Sanders
for that purpose. He is an excellent painter, but uncommonly slow.
She wished it should be finished against the 12th of August, as a
present to her father on his birthday; and we used to go very often
to his study for these sittings. Sanders is a very particular man, very
correct, very religious. So far from taking the liberty of admitting any
one when her Royal Highness was there, it was with great difficulty
we could prevail on him to let in Miss Mercer, Lady Tavistock, Lady
Jersey, or the Miss Fitzroys, when the regent particularly desired it;
and it certainly was an annoyance to a nervous man, peculiarly
anxious for the success of this picture, to have a set of women come
and give their opinions, and afterwards talk over the balls and
parties of the night before. Princess Charlotte, however, could not
sometimes resist letting in these tormentors of poor Sanders; and
she had so little amusement in general, that anything of this kind
was an object to her. She listened with avidity to all the accounts her
friends gave of the assemblies and other amusements of which she
could not partake; and they would sometimes come for a little while
in the evening, before they went to their gayer parties. Our only
other entertainment was driving in the park, and when that was
objected to, on the road.
On the 17th of May we had visited the Princess of Wales on her
birthday, but were not allowed to dine there.
On the 30th of June there was a magnificent ball at Carlton
House, and the evening before we had been at the Duke of York’s.
The Duke of Gloucester was there, sat down by Princess Charlotte,
and talked to her. This displeased the Prince, and there was much
conversation with Lady Liverpool, who walked up and down the
room, and was at last sent to desire that her Royal Highness would
change places with Lady Bathurst, who sat on the other side of her.
This she would not do, but walked into the next room. The Duke
was greatly offended, and his sister much hurt. After the Queen,
Prince, and Princesses were gone, Princess Charlotte apologised to
the Duke and Princess Sophia of Gloucester for what had passed.
This gave occasion to the Duke, who had been only talking to her
before on indifferent subjects, to say that he meant to take no
liberty, but that she might consider him as devoted to her, and ready
to come forward whenever she would cast her eyes on him. Princess
Charlotte came home indignant and hurt at having been watched
and worried, and the ball was not so pleasant to her as it otherwise
would have been.
The Duke of Devonshire used alternately to dance with Princess
Charlotte and Princess Mary, not less, and generally more, than two
dances at every ball. The Prince encouraged this, on account of his
rank, and also from a regard for him on his late mother’s account;
and ministers were supposed to encourage it, because they hoped
the attractions of Princess Charlotte might attach him to Carlton
House, and so to the Prince, and so on to their side of the House in
Parliament.
The Duke was by no means insensible to the charms of his future
Queen. Followed by all the mothers and all the misses in London,
because he was the yet unmarried Duke of Devonshire, it is probable
that he might wish to be liked for himself alone, and this must be
the case if Princess Charlotte liked him. His ambition, also, might be
roused, and he might, and perhaps unfortunately did, feel really
attached to her. A good young man, of a benevolent heart, moderate
abilities, and romantic turn (which I understand was the case with
him), might easily fall into such a snare. He was very attentive, and
Princess Charlotte’s friends were, almost all, very intimate with him.
Miss Mercer Elphinstone was supposed to like him, to wish to marry
him, and to be playing a deep game, so that when he was
disappointed of Princess Charlotte, he might take her, out of
gratitude for her good offices. This ill-natured story was too
ridiculous to be believed; for if Miss Mercer wished to marry him, she
could not at the same time wish to encourage his attachment to a
beautiful young Princess of seventeen, who was generally thought
the handsomest woman in the ball-room (for dress became her
particularly), and who must, at all events, eclipse a woman of
twenty-eight, whose great fortune would be no attraction to the
Duke. I heard this story from every one, but did not believe it. The
Duke of Devonshire paid great attention to all Princess Charlotte’s
friends, and also to the Duchess of Leeds. As to myself, I was not
acquainted with him, and rather avoided being so, that I might not
be suspected of carrying on any intercourse between him and
Princess Charlotte.
 CHAPTER XV.

FESTIVITIES AT CARLTON HOUSE—COMPLAINTS AND ACCUSATIONS—LETTER TO LADY

LIVERPOOL—VISIT TO SANDHURST—ARRIVAL OF THE PRINCE OF ORANGE—A SUITOR
FOR THE PRINCESS CHARLOTTE—ROYAL MATCH-MAKING—LETTER TO THE PRINCESS
CHARLOTTE.

On the 6th of July we were at the magnificent breakfast given at

Carlton Gardens, followed by a ball. The news of the battle of
Vittoria added splendour to the fête, and the letter[144] of the Prince
to Lord Wellington, with the marshal’s staff which he was to send
him, and that taken from the enemy, were the lions of the day. It
was a fine day, and the gardens really looked very gay, but Princess
Charlotte had just before, on the 1st of the month, lost poor Mrs.
Gagarin,[145] and was deeply affected by her loss. She might be said
to have known no other mother; and her fortitude as well as
tenderness, on this occasion, showed itself in every possible way, to
the great honour of her heart and head. Mrs. Wightman arrived too
late to see her mother alive. Princess Charlotte saw her after her
death; it was the first corpse she had seen; she took with her into
the room an intimate friend of the deceased, and to her, and to all
who were attached to Mrs. Gagarin, she was invariably affectionate
and beneficent. She was very low for a long time afterwards, though
she endeavoured to suppress and conceal her feelings.
We continued to visit Sanders, as the time approached for going
into the country; and Princess Charlotte was anxious that the picture
should be finished. We also took long airings before and after dinner,
and everything that could divert her thoughts from the loss she had
sustained was, I thought, necessary to be done, and her life was so
monotonous, that any other young person must have felt it
excessively dull.
About this time, the middle of July, her Royal Highness being
really by no means well, wrote a letter to her father, to request that
she might be allowed to go to the sea-side which was recommended
by Sir Henry Halford, and which all the medical people said she
ought to visit every year till she was five-and-twenty, as she had
been accustomed to do till she went to Windsor in 1812. She sent
for Mr. Adam, Miss Mercer’s uncle, and the Prince’s chancellor,[146] on
this business. The request was not granted; the Prince was much
displeased, and said that she was quite well. He also sent Sir Henry
to me, to complain of our having been seen driving twice one day on
the Chiswick road, when the Duke of Devonshire was giving a great
breakfast there. I said the fault was mine, as I had proposed to drive
that way that Princess Charlotte might see the carriages; that her life
had so little variety in it, and her health and spirits were at that time
so indifferent, that I was anxious to do anything that could cheer
her. The Prince scarcely called once in two months, and she saw
none of her family except at the Carlton House parties.
Another heavy complaint was our going to the painter’s. I agreed
that it would have been better if he could have painted at Warwick
House, but the light would not have suited him for a large picture,
and I desired Sir Henry to assure the Prince how scrupulously careful
Mr. Sanders was as to quiet and privacy, insomuch that he would not
let in his friend and patroness Lady Charlotte Campbell, and I added
that the picture was for the Prince, as Lady Liverpool well knew, for
she had discovered that such a picture was painting, had been to
see it, and we had told her its destination. In the midst of all this
sudden fit of ill humour we were ordered to Windsor, and arrived
there on the 31st, to the great displeasure of Princess Charlotte.
The next day, 1st August, her Royal Highness and the Duchess of
Leeds dined at the Castle, and the Duchess came home to me crying
at night, having been severely reprimanded by the Queen and Prince
Regent for her own conduct and mine. The stories of the Duke of
Devonshire, with exaggerated circumstances, were called up, and, as
far as I could understand from the Duchess’s mutilated account, I
was more blamed than herself. As I found there was no possibility of
my justifying myself with the Prince, and still less with the Queen, I
was so shocked that I really became quite ill, and I wrote the
following letter to Lady Liverpool, in which I defended both Princess
Charlotte and myself:
Lower Lodge, Windsor, August 3, 1813.
My dear Lady Liverpool,—I am convinced no apology is necessary for the
trouble I am about to give you, when I consider the length of time in which I
have had the honour of being known to you, the respect I entertain for the
memory of your respected mother, whose good opinion of me when I was
young, and you were a child, was always particularly flattering to me, and,
more than all, the good sense and delicacy of principle for which you are
distinguished.
I confess I have been extremely hurt since my arrival at Windsor, on finding
that my conduct with respect to Princess Charlotte has been blamed by her
Majesty and the Prince Regent. I have had no opportunity of justifying myself
with the latter, as he left this place without seeing me; and with the former I
can have no explanation, as her Majesty does not speak to me, and has
declared she will have no further communication with me since I left her
service for that of her grand-daughter. It is needless to recapitulate why I did
so, how much I was urged to it, or what promises of support were made me.
I must, however, confess that I made no conditions, except that I could not
be a spy on Princess Charlotte; and I will only say that I have had no other
support than the great good sense, the excellent disposition, and affectionate
heart of this young Princess, who, providentially, being a very superior
creature to what girls of seventeen generally are, has not taken advantage of
the circumstances in which I was placed, but has acted in such a manner as
to convince me I was perfectly right when I said that reliance might safely be
placed on her honour and nobleness of temper, and that the only control
under which she could properly act was that of confidence and affection.
As to myself, the various and often very difficult trials I have had to
encounter through life, have, I trust, made known to my friends that I have
always at least wished to act with propriety, and it is certainly not now that I
should begin to adopt an opposite plan of conduct. What false reports, or
exaggerated statements may, from idleness or envy, have been carried to the
Prince Regent, or to the Queen, I know not, and therefore do not condemn
 them for what they said; but this I can solemnly declare, that since I have
had the honour of belonging to Princess Charlotte, I have seen no impropriety
of conduct which could have justified a complaint on my part, and that had I
seen any, such was my confidence in her candour and condescending
kindness to me, and such was my strong sense of duty, that I should
undoubtedly have made proper, though respectful, representations to her
Royal Highness on the subject; but, deprived as she is of those domestic
comforts and amusements which girls of her age in a less elevated station
enjoy, and which even the Princesses her aunts have always enjoyed with
their Royal parents, I must have had a heart of a very strange composition if,
amidst all her privations (and some of them it is to be remembered of the
most trying nature), I could have contradicted her for trifles innocent in
themselves, and by so doing have lost that confidence which could alone give
me a shadow of authority over her actions and proceedings.
I have for the last six months given up all visits to my friends, all avocations
connected with my duty at Warwick House, and, in short, everything that
could deprive me of the power of saying that I had done my duty, and that I
could answer for the conduct of Princess Charlotte at every hour and moment
of the day and night.
You will not think this an intrusion on your time, my dear Lady Liverpool.
The subject is in itself of sufficient importance; and the temperate conduct of
Lord Liverpool, as well as the moral propriety and domestic happiness which
secure to you both the esteem of the public, are so many reasons for making
me desirous of standing well in your opinions, that I cannot deny myself the
satisfaction of explaining what I feared might be misinterpreted to his lordship
and to you.
Believe me, &c.

Lady Liverpool wrote a courteous answer, but which, in one

respect, was unsatisfactory, as it implied that my justification
depended on Princess Charlotte’s conduct, whereas I endeavoured
to prove that the want of support I had experienced, contrary to all
promises made me, rendered it not only difficult, but even
impossible, to be of any other use than what Princess Charlotte’s
confidence and good nature might allow. I showed her my letter
before I sent it, and afterwards the answer.[147]
Miss Mercer came about this time to stay two or three days at
Windsor, on a visit to Princess Charlotte; but not having leave to
sleep in the house, I got a room for her at Mrs. Hallam’s, who was
absent. She was evidently annoyed at my having written to Lady
Liverpool, her friend Lady Bathurst and Lady L. being dear friends
and great enemies—at least, according to Miss Mercer’s
representations; and perhaps it was really the case, but I felt I had
done right, and I told Princess Charlotte there was no dependence to
be placed on any of these people, hinting to her that most probably
their only reason for paying court to Miss Mercer was to make her
useful, and that everybody said the consent for her Royal Highness
seeing Miss Mercer again had only been given to detach her from
the Princess of Wales. Of course Princess Charlotte repeated this to
Miss Mercer, and the effect it had was to make that young lady
particularly attentive to me. She wrote to me after her departure in
the most confidential and flattering manner, particularly explaining a
circumstance in which it appeared that the Princess of Wales had
acted very imprudently with respect to Princess Charlotte, and in
which she (Miss M.) interposed in the properest manner. I was
pleased with this, and from that time Miss Mercer and I were on the
best terms, and, as I thought, in common with her Royal Highness,
treated every subject in the most confidential manner.
The Prince Regent’s birthday, 12th August, was kept at the new
Military College at Sandhurst, where the Queen was to present new
colours to the Cadet Battalion. All the Royal Family, the ministers and
their wives, and a few others, were present. The Bishop of Salisbury
had previously consecrated the chapel, and Sir Alexander Hope,[148]
whose heart seemed quite devoted to this interesting colony, was all
attention and propriety. His sister, the Dowager Lady Melville, lately
appointed one of the Ladies of the Bedchamber to the Queen,
assisted Lady Hope in doing the honours; as did the sister of the
latter, Lady Hampden. The Prince did not speak to Princess
Charlotte, the Duchess, or me, but looked as if he wished to
annihilate us. However, the day in other respects passed very well,
and the establishment was highly deserving of praise. The Royal
Family dined in the house, the rest of the company under tents in
the garden, and in the evening there was a little dance of five or six
couples, promoted by the Duke of Clarence. The day had been
remarkably hot, and the evening was a beautiful moonlight. When
the Queen was about to depart, the Prince Regent was not to be
found, and we afterwards learned that he, with the Duke of York,
Prince of Orange (the father),[149] and many others, were under the
table. The Duke of York hurt his head very seriously against a wine
cellaret. In short, it was a sad business. We went home very quietly
in an open carriage by the lovely moonlight.
On the 16th, the Duke of York’s birthday, arrived the hereditary
Prince of Orange with the account of a great victory gained by Lord
Wellington over the French army, commanded by Soult. A large party
dined that day at Frogmore, of whom I was one, and we expected to
see the hereditary Prince, but the Regent did not bring him. The
Regent was in no better humour than on the 12th, but Lord
Yarmouth paid great court to the Princess Charlotte, to the Duchess,
and to me. The Prince Regent would not come to see the Princess
Charlotte at the Lower Lodge, and gave, as an excuse, that he could
not bear to see those d—— ladies, meaning the Duchess and myself
—so, at least, we were told. Had I been the Duchess I think I should
have resigned; but perhaps not, as I thought this species of conduct,
without any real ground, was possibly meant to force us to this step
by making our lives disagreeable. I told Sir H. Halford so, and he
asserted the contrary.
Soon afterwards, we had an invitation to dine at Lord Liverpool’s,
at Coombe Wood, to meet the Queen and Princesses. Lady Liverpool
sent the invitation to the Duchess, and next morning I received a
private letter from her, mentioning the company we were to meet,
and particularly all the young ladies, who, she hoped, might be
pleasant society for Princess Charlotte, recommending to my notice
a young person, a relation of hers, whose timidity would require
support. The Oranges were not mentioned, neither was it said at the
Castle that they were to be there; but Princess Charlotte had private
information to that effect, and, I believe, it was to have been so. On
which account her Royal Highness availed herself of the excuse of
not being well, put on a blister a day sooner than she had intended,
and did not go.
 I was sorry for this, because, if it was a trick, it was one easily
foiled by dignity of conduct; and I was more sorry for her Royal
Highness’s going very soon after to the Egham races, though she
was not well enough to do more than sit in her carriage. Her mind
was worried, she had a pain in her side, and her health always
suffered from the climate and water of Windsor, as well as the
constant worry.
Sir H. Halford was at this time continually at the lodge, a great
favourite of the Duchess, and constantly charged with messages
from the Castle. One of his affairs there was to negotiate a marriage
between the Duke of Brunswick and Princess Mary, of which it was
to be understood the latter knew nothing. Poor Princess Charlotte
was most willing to do all she could to persuade her uncle[150] to this
step, but it would not do, and, I dare say, was never forgiven by the
Prince, if he knew it; which most probably he did. For neither
Princess Mary nor Sir H. Halford would have ventured without being
sure of his approbation, and the subsequent conduct of the Prince
Regent to the Duke manifestly proved his displeasure. Hints were
given with great caution of wishes in favour of the Prince of Orange,
but Princess Charlotte had shown so great a dislike to that business,
that nothing was said openly.
At last, in consequence of a confidential conversation between
Princess Charlotte and Princess Mary, I found the latter had warmly
recommended marriage to the former, and next evening there was a
long interview with Sir Henry; after which Princess Charlotte told me
she had brought him round with respect to one person. I could not
guess whom she meant, but thought it might be the Duke of Kent.
She said, “No, it was the Duke of Gloucester;” and in the evening
she told me that they all wanted her to marry, and that she saw they
wished for the hereditary Prince of Orange, but that she would never
marry him,[151] and had told Sir Henry that the Duke of Gloucester
was the most eligible person, and the one she would prefer.
I felt rather hurt that she should have committed herself in this
manner, more particularly as I was sure she had no partiality
whatever for the Duke; but I answered that it certainly was a
marriage which in the eye of reason could not be disapproved, but
that I was convinced neither the Regent nor any of the family would
hear of it, the Duke’s politics being a sufficient bar, added to the
want of birth on his mother’s side. Besides, I could not help
reminding her of the difference of age, and, I added, I never saw
anything to make me believe she liked him. Princess Charlotte
answered that all this was perfectly true, but that she could never
expect to marry from inclination, and that the Duke’s character and
temper were so good that she might reasonably look forward to
being treated with kindness, and to see her husband esteemed by
the nation.
In all this I heartily concurred, but still I felt exceedingly surprised
at her having started it so suddenly, and augured nothing good from
the proceeding. I expressed my astonishment to Sir Henry, and, at
the same time, my total ignorance of the measure until it had taken
place. When Sir Henry returned next time from town, he said that
the Prince had taken it more calmly than he had expected, and that
he would come very soon to Windsor and talk it over with Princess
Charlotte, but that he could not give hope that the result would be
favourable. I begged only that the Prince would see his daughter at
the Lower Lodge, as she always felt hurt at being only sent for to
the Castle for the purpose of seeing him in her aunt’s room.
The Prince came, and to the Lower Lodge. Princess Charlotte was
desirous that I should see him first, and I met him on the stairs. He
at first looked displeased, but I entered into an explanation with him
on the former grievances, and cleared up the falsehoods. I heard
what he chose to say on the present subject with proper respect,
and he became very good-humoured towards me; but when Princess
Charlotte came in, although he did not raise his voice, and said he
would be very calm and very affectionate, he was certainly as bitter
as possible on the Duke of Gloucester, and not a little so to Princess
Charlotte. He positively refused giving his consent to this union, but
added, what I thought most important, that so far from ever wishing
to control her inclinations, he would not even urge her to comply
with any proposals by recommendatory means. He said he was
himself too severe a sufferer to wish any other person, and
especially a child of his own, to know the misery of an ill-assorted
marriage; that he would invite over many of the Princes of the
Continent (for that a subject of England she could not marry), and
she might then have her choice; that with respect to the hereditary
Prince of Orange, whom she seemed to apprehend being forced on
her, he would not bring him to Frogmore on the Duke of York’s
birthday, that she might not think he meant to recommend him (he
took occasion, however, to praise him several times during this visit);
and he ended by saying that her happiness and her honour were the
wishes nearest to his heart.
When he took leave of her, and remained with me, he expressed
great displeasure, and hinted a suspicion of her doing all this as a
blind, and of her being attached to the Duke of Devonshire. I
defended her on that point, but said that I regretted her having
proposed the marriage with the Duke of Gloucester in the manner
she had done, and that I wished to prevent her having such long
conferences with Sir Henry, farther than medical advice might render
them necessary, as I was mindful of his Royal Highness’s injunction
of not leaving her alone with gentlemen; an injunction which my
own sense of propriety rendered unnecessary. The Prince said that
Sir Henry was the friend of the family, and that he had not the
slightest objection to her being left alone with him; on the contrary,
he had often sent messages by him.
I could never discover who had advised Princess Charlotte to this
step, but I am convinced it was brought on by Princess Mary and Sir
Henry urging the necessity of her marrying. I was very uneasy about
it, but I wished to impress on her mind that she had so far gained a
great point in having the Prince’s promise that he would never force
her inclinations, and that she could always refer to this promise in
case of necessity. But the fact was, they were using every means to
bring about a marriage with the Prince of Orange, without choosing
to appear in it, or to give her the merit of consenting from a feeling
of duty. Underhand means of all sorts were put in practice, and Lady
Anne Smith and her daughters, while staying at Oatlands, came over
to make a visit, and warmly advocated the cause.
About this time her Royal Highness, by the advice of Miss Mercer,
with whom she constantly communicated, entered into another
correspondence, which promised great utility. Politics were not
concerned in it, and nothing could be more correct than the advice
given with respect to her filial duty, as well as other points of her
conduct. To this friend she communicated what had passed with her
father, and the advice was, if possible, to comply with his wishes
with regard to the Prince of Orange, but if resolved to marry the
Duke of Gloucester, to wait patiently until the age of twenty-one,
when more efficacious measures might be pursued. This adviser
professed himself the friend of the Duke, but certainly was fair and
impartial in the manner in which he wrote.
As she was to be eighteen on her next birthday, she was very
anxious about the establishment which she doubted not then to
obtain, and as it evidently appeared to me, from her conversation,
that she had been advised to have none but people of high rank
about her, and young people, I thought it necessary to write her the
following letter, which I gave into her own hand, expressing my wish
to leave her entirely at liberty with respect to myself.

MISS KNIGHT TO THE PRINCESS CHARLOTTE.

My dearest Madam,—There is a subject on which I have for some time
wished to speak to your Royal Highness, but finding that my feelings will not
allow me to mention it without being completely overcome, I think it best to
trouble you with a few lines of explanation, as I am sensible it is not right to
defer it longer.
The time for your Royal Highness having a new establishment is rapidly
approaching, and I know your way of thinking is not only so just and
honourable, but also so kind and considerate, that you may perhaps feel
embarrassed with respect to me. I therefore wish that you should consider
yourself perfectly at liberty.
It is needless to repeat what passed when I entered into the service of your
Royal Highness. Had I not been assured that it was your particular desire, I
should not have yielded to the Prince’s entreaties. I thought I saw a noble
disposition misunderstood, great talents unperceived or discouraged, and
strong feelings so harassed as to be rendered dangerous to their possessor. I
flattered myself that I might at least be a negative comfort, and by perhaps
soothing, certainly not tormenting, give scope for the display of those amiable
and exalted qualities which vexation and contradiction might tarnish. Thus far
I trust I may have succeeded; and I shall therefore retire in some measure
satisfied with what I have done, and with the most ardent and fervent prayers
for the happiness of my ever-dear Royal mistress. I am no longer young; my
spirits have been broken by the vicissitudes and sorrows of a life of
disappointments. I have no connexions, and few friends left who can promote
the interests of your Royal Highness, or give support to me in the slippery
path which I have already found so difficult to tread. It is therefore perhaps
better, both for your Royal Highness and myself, that I should retire, even if
you wished me to remain, and also that, when I retire, I should withdraw
myself entirely. The pang will be dreadful when I am obliged to leave you; for
the romance of my life has been attachment, and I feel for your Royal
Highness an interest of which, after various afflictions I had experienced, I no
longer thought myself capable; that interest I shall still feel, but it will
occasion me less pain at a distance than were I to see you only now and
then, after having passed so many months constantly in your society.
I trust I need not add that every confidential communication with which
you have been pleased to honour me shall be sacred, and that the very few
friends with whom I shall associate for the remainder of my life will hear
nothing from me but expressions of gratitude for your goodness.
I shall also for ever feel grateful to the Prince for having placed me with
you; but should he (from a recollection of the promise he made Lord Moira
never to give me up) urge you to retain me in your service, I beg you will not
think yourself under any necessity to comply with his request. I may be
proud, but I do not think that I am either interested or ambitious. I will stay
while I can be of any the slightest service to your Royal Highness, but I will
never be a burden to you, or prevent you from filling a place about you more
worthily.
I trust your Royal Highness will not consider what I have said as a liberty. I
feel it as an urgent though a very painful duty, and must therefore risk the
consequences. That every blessing may attend you, will be to my latest hour
the prayer of,
My dearest madam,
Your Royal Highness’s
Most dutiful and most devoted servant,
 Ellis Cornelia Knight.
Lower Lodge, Windsor, Oct. 27, 1813.

I was much overcome, and ill for two days after writing this letter,
which I believe hurt her; but she said nothing to me on the subject,
and we went on as usual at Windsor, never so comfortable as in
town, but no disputes. We had Vacari there and Vitalba (the
drawing-master). I persuaded her to invite the Queen and
Princesses, with their own society, to some music, and it succeeded
very well.
 CHAPTER XVI.

RETURN TO WARWICK HOUSE—THE PRINCE OF ORANGE—MANœUVRING—THE PRINCESS

CHARLOTTE BETROTHED—FEELINGS OF THE PRINCESS—THE GREAT FROST.

After Princess Augusta’s birthday, the 8th of November, we

returned to town, and the Princess Charlotte seemed to feel happy
and comfortable in being restored to the quiet life of Warwick House.
This quiet did not last long. Towards the end of the month Sir
Henry Halford urged the business of the hereditary Prince of Orange,
insomuch that Princess Charlotte came up much annoyed, after a
long interview with him; but Lady Anne Smith was, I believe, more
successful, and after a very long conference with her, on the 29th of
November, I heard Princess Charlotte say that the Prince of Orange
was certainly adored in the army, and that not only Lord Wellington,
but all his brother officers, particularly John Fremantle, spoke most
highly of him. I saw something was passing in her mind, but I never
pressed to obtain her confidence.
Miss Mercer was still at Plymouth; the Miss Herveys, i.e. Lady
Knightley and Miss Hervey, daughters of Mrs. Fremantle, had, no
doubt, worked hard, as far as their influence would go, in favour of
the Prince of Orange, but the aversion of Princess Charlotte, till the
evening I have been just mentioning, was so great, that nothing
could persuade her even to speak of him with patience.
On the 1st and 2nd of December the Queen and two Princesses
being in town, we passed the evening at Carlton House. A print of
the hereditary Prince was placed on a chair to be looked at, and
Princess Charlotte thought it not ugly. The Prince was mighty busy
and good humoured. He made Princess Charlotte a present of a belt
sent him from Turkey, to which he had added a diamond clasp. The
belt was studded with rose-diamonds. I heard him joke about a ring,
and I saw little Lord Arran hold up his hand in a mysterious way to
one of the Princesses, and heard him say, “It will do, it will do!” All
this convinced me of what was going on, and I heard that
despatches had been received from Lord Wellington, stating that the
Prince of Orange was to come over to see his father, who shortly
before had returned to Holland, and was proclaimed Prince of the
Netherlands.
On the 4th,[152] after Princess Charlotte had seen Sir Henry Halford
for a quarter of an hour, she told me she was to dine next day at
Carlton House. I asked if the Queen and Princesses were come back
to town. She said no; that she was to go attended by the Duchess,
and to meet only a very small party. I said then I supposed the
Prince of Orange was to be there. She said, Yes, he was just arrived.
I was shocked at the suddenness and want of confidence in all this;
but I felt I had no right to interfere. She was complying with the
wishes of all her family; and I only said that I thought she did right
to see the Prince of Orange, and to see him without prejudice; but
that I also hoped she would take time for consideration in a case
where the happiness of her life was concerned. She seemed agitated
and unwilling to speak on the subject; in short, not daring to trust
herself. She said she expected the Prince, and must write a note to
say so. He came, and saw her alone; after which, I asked whether
there were any orders for me the next day. She said, none. I then
said that I should not go in the evening, as I was always ordered to
do when she dined there; but that I begged, if I were missed, that
her Royal Highness would tell the Prince that I would not intrude on
what appeared to be so private a party.
Next morning, the 5th, we went to chapel, as usual, and I told the
Duchess of Leeds that a print of the Duke of Devonshire,[153] which
had been hanging up with other portraits, for some time, in one of
the rooms (a print which the Duchess of Leeds had herself brought
from the Duke of Devonshire, as it was a private plate, and wanted,
she thought, like many others, for the History of England which we
were illustrating)—that this print was taken down and given to Lady
Anne Smith, and that of the Prince of Orange placed in its room. The
Duchess rejoiced at this, as also that she was to meet the Prince of
Orange at dinner.
When we came home, Princess Charlotte, contrary to custom, shut
herself up in her own room, and only came out of it dressed for
dinner. Her toilet was by no means recherchée. She was dressed in
violet satin, trimmed with black lace, and looked pale and agitated. I
sat up for her return, which was about one in the morning, and she
told me in confidence she was engaged to the Prince of Orange. I
could only remark that she had gained a great victory over herself.
She answered, “No, you would not say so if you were to see him; he
is by no means as disagreeable as I expected.” She mentioned his
having spoken very handsomely at dinner of the old liberties of
Holland, and said that in the evening the Regent took them both into
a room, where they walked up and down together for some time;
after which he took her apart, and said, “Well, it will not do, I
suppose?” That she answered, “I do not say that. I like his manner
very well, as much as I have seen of it.” Upon which the Prince was
overcome with joy, and joined their hands immediately. She told me
the Prince of Orange had praised the Fitzroys very much at dinner,
as also Colonel Hervey, Mrs. Fremantle’s son, and had said that he
had promised to ask for his being made aide-de-camp to the Regent.
Next day the Prince of Orange came to make his visit with Lord
Bathurst, the Regent being busy. He shook hands with me very good
humouredly when I was introduced by Princess Charlotte. I thought
him particularly plain and sickly in his look, his figure very slender,
his manner rather hearty and boyish, but not unpleasant in a young
soldier. The day after, the 7th, he came with the Regent, who left
them together, and sat down with me by the fire in the adjoining
room (with only a passage, at least, between us). He told me in
confidence that the Princess Charlotte was engaged to the young
Prince of Orange, but that he would not have her inform anybody,
not Miss Mercer, nor her uncles, till he should give her leave; that he
should acquaint the Queen and Princesses with it; that the marriage
would not take place till spring, as the young Prince was now going
to join his father for the settlement of the Dutch affairs, and that, as
I remained now the friend of Princess Charlotte, no new
arrangements being to be made until the marriage, he desired I
would give her good advice, particularly against flirtation. He said
she should go to Windsor for a week towards Christmas to be
confirmed, and afterwards to take the sacrament with the family,
and he should meet her there; but that he could not give her any
dance on her approaching birthday, as no one would be in town, and
he himself was going to the christening of the young Marquis of
Granby at Belvoir Castle. I asked if it was his pleasure that I should
go to Windsor with her Royal Highness, and he said, “Most
certainly.”
While we were talking, we heard Princess Charlotte break forth
into a violent fit of sobs and hysterical tears. The Prince started up,
and I followed him to the door of the other room, where we found
the Prince of Orange looking half-frightened, and Princess Charlotte
in great distress. The Prince Regent said, “What! is he taking his
leave?” She answered, “Not yet,” and was going to her own room;
but the Prince took him away, said it was time for him to go to the
great City dinner,[154] for which he had stayed, and they parted.
When they were gone she told me what was the cause of her
sudden transport of grief. He had told her it was expected she
should reside every year two or three months in Holland, and even,
when necessary, follow him to the army; that the Prince and his
ministers had not thought it advisable to tell her this, but that, as he
always wished they should be open and fair with each other, he was
resolved to tell her; that he was quite an Englishman himself, and
hoped she would invite over what friends she liked, and that, with
respect to her ladies, he only recommended one, which was one of
the Fitzroys, and should himself prefer Georgiana. This pleased poor
Princess Charlotte, but she had never entertained the slightest
suspicion that she should be obliged to leave England. I reminded
her of a conversation I had related to her a few days before, when
Mrs. T.[155] told me she had heard “the Regent and his daughter were
on bad terms because she would not marry the Prince of Orange,”
and I had answered that it was not true, as he had never been
proposed to her. On which Mrs. T. said she should be sorry for one
reason, as I should then probably go with her to Holland.
As Princess Charlotte had, however, consented to these temporary
absences, I endeavoured to make the best of it to her, and on her
saying she would not ask any one to go with her, I volunteered my
services, which she accepted with great feeling and pleasure, and, I
afterwards heard, expressed herself with great satisfaction at my
having made the offer. She seemed, however, by no means pleased
at the idea of going over for a short time, and said I had lived so
much abroad that I could not have the same feelings on the subject
as she had.
When the Duchess came to dinner, we repeated to her what had
passed, and I gave her the Regent’s message. She offered to go as
much as her family duties would admit. Before Princess Charlotte
was to go to Windsor to be confirmed, she was really mortified by a
letter of Princess Mary, hinting that it would be better I should not
come. I begged she would not think of it, and told her I was sure of
the Queen never forgiving my having left her; that it was better I
should not go. However, I was hurt by this as well as by several
other similar circumstances, but I availed myself of the opportunity
of passing two days with Lord St. Vincent at Rochetts, and on my
return found a very flattering letter from Princess Elizabeth, and a
very kind one from Princess Augusta, with an account of all that had
passed. Soon after the return of the Princess Charlotte to town on
the 27th, came on one of the thickest, most oppressive, and lasting
fogs[156] I ever witnessed; I was ill all the winter with a violent cold
and cough, and actually I found it scarcely possible to breathe. Thus
ended the year 1813.
 CHAPTER XVII.

THE GREAT FROST—DOMESTIC AMUSEMENTS OF THE PRINCESS CHARLOTTE—

PROJECTED MARRIAGE WITH THE PRINCE OF ORANGE—THE QUESTION OF RESIDENCE
—ANXIETIES OF THE PRINCESS—TORTUOUS NEGOTIATIONS.

On the 1st January, 1814, Princess Charlotte went to dine at

Windsor, attended by the Duchess, and the fog was so thick that I
could not go to Lord Bruce’s, where I had promised to dine. Her
Royal Highness returned the next day, and on the 7th, which was
the anniversary of her birthday, her eighteenth birthday, to which
she had looked forward in hope of an establishment and
comparative liberty, she had only permission to make a morning visit
to her mother, to which she was accompanied by the Duchess of
Leeds; and in the evening we had Vacari and Dizzi, who gave her
lessons on the harp, for the purpose of having a little music. The
upper servants, and the tradespeople and their wives, had a dance
in the dining-room. The Dukes of Kent and Sussex called in the
evening to see her.
The fog, which had disappeared on the 6th, was succeeded by
very severe frost and snow, which lasted for many weeks, and at
last rendered the roads almost impassable. We scarcely saw
anybody except the masters, the Duchess and Lady Catherine, and
the Miss Fitzroys, who arrived in town soon after the 7th. We took
airings in the park when the weather permitted, read, drew, &c.
Music was also a great resource to Princess Charlotte, and we went
one evening (the 29th) to the Duchess of Leeds’, who gave a ball for
children. Princess Charlotte was very kind to the young Princes of
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