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349 views

Feedback Control of Dynamic Systems (What's New in Engineering) 8th Edition Gene Franklin - eBook PDFpdf download

The document promotes instant access to various engineering eBooks, particularly focusing on 'Feedback Control of Dynamic Systems' 8th Edition by Gene Franklin. It provides links to download multiple related textbooks and includes a brief overview of the content covered in the featured eBook. Additionally, the document contains a table of Laplace transforms and a chronological history of feedback control systems.

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Table of Laplace Transforms
Number F(s) f (t), t ≥ 0

1 1 δ(t)
1
2 1(t)
s
1
3 t
s2
2!
4 t2
s3
3!
5 t3
s4
m!
6 tm
sm+1
1
7 e−at
(s + a)
1
8 te−at
(s + a)2
1 1 2 −at
9 t e
(s + a)3 2!
1 1
10 tm−1 e−at
(s + a)m (m − 1)!
a
11 1 − e−at
s(s + a)
a 1
12 2
(at − 1 + e−at )
s (s + a) a
b−a
13 e−at − e−bt
(s + a)(s + b)
s
14 (1 − at)e−at
(s + a)2
a2
15 1 − e−at (1 + at)
s(s + a)2
(b − a)s
16 be−bt − ae−at
(s + a)(s + b)
a
17 sin at
(s2 + a2 )
s
18 cos at
(s + a2 )
2
s+a
19 e−at cos bt
(s + a)2 + b2
b
20 e−at sin bt
(s + a)2 + b2
a2 + b2  a 
21   1 − e−at cos bt + sin bt
s (s + a)2 + b2 b
Chronological History of Feedback Control
Driverless cars

Drones

Automotive stability augmentation systems


Farm tractor auto-steering via GPS

GPS
Unmanned aircraft
High precision disk drive control

Computer-aided control design


Internal model control

Feedback control of automotive engines


Aircraft auto-landing
Microprocessor

Apollo digital autopilot


Aircraft stability augmentation
LQG design
Inertial navigation

Maximum principle
Dynamic programming
Numerical optimization

Optimal filtering
Sampled data systems
Root locus

Nyquist stability
Frequency-response tools

Feedback amplifier

Autopilot

Stability analysis of governor


Routh stability

Fly-ball governor

Incubator

1600s 1700s 1800s 1910 1920 1930 1940 1950 1960 1970 1980 1990 2000 2010 2020
This page intentionally left blank
Feedback Control
of Dynamic Systems
Eighth Edition

Global Edition

Gene F. Franklin
Stanford University

J. David Powell
Stanford University

Abbas Emami-Naeini
SC Solutions, Inc.

330 Hudson Street, NY, NY 10013


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c Pearson Education Limited, 2020

The rights of Gene F. Franklin, J. David Powell, and Abbas Emami-Naeini to be identified as the authors of this work have
been asserted by them in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

Authorized adaptation from the United States edition, entitled Feedback Control of Dynamic Systems, 8th Edition, ISBN
978-0-13-468571-7 by Gene F. Franklin, J. David Powell, and Abbas Emami-Naeini, published by Pearson Education 
c 2019.

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British Library Cataloguing-in-Publication Data


A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

ISBN 10: 1-292-27452-2


ISBN 13: 978-1-292-27452-2
eBook ISBN 13: 978-1-292-27454-6

Typeset by Integra
To Valerie, Daisy, Annika, Davenport, Malahat, Sheila, Nima, and to
the memory of Gene
This page intentionally left blank
Contents
Preface 15

1 An Overview and Brief


History of Feedback Control 23
A Perspective on Feedback Control 23
Chapter Overview 24
1.1 A Simple Feedback System 25
1.2 A First Analysis of Feedback 28
1.3 Feedback System Fundamentals 32
1.4 A Brief History 33
1.5 An Overview of the Book 40
Summary 41
Review Questions 42
Problems 42

2 Dynamic Models 46
A Perspective on Dynamic Models 46
Chapter Overview 47
2.1 Dynamics of Mechanical Systems 47
2.1.1 Translational Motion 47
2.1.2 Rotational Motion 54
2.1.3 Combined Rotation and Translation 65
2.1.4 Complex Mechanical Systems (W)** 68
2.1.5 Distributed Parameter Systems 68
2.1.6 Summary: Developing Equations of Motion
for Rigid Bodies 70
2.2 Models of Electric Circuits 71
2.3 Models of Electromechanical Systems 76
2.3.1 Loudspeakers 76
2.3.2 Motors 78
 2.3.3 Gears 82
 2.4 Heat and Fluid-Flow Models 83
2.4.1 Heat Flow 84
2.4.2 Incompressible Fluid Flow 88
2.5 Historical Perspective 95
Summary 98
Review Questions 98
Problems 99

**Sections with (W) indicates that additional material is located on the web at
www.pearsonglobaleditions.com.

7
8 Contents

3 Dynamic Response 111


A Perspective on System Response 111
Chapter Overview 112
3.1 Review of Laplace Transforms 112
3.1.1 Response by Convolution 113
3.1.2 Transfer Functions and Frequency Response 118
3.1.3 The L− Laplace Transform 128
3.1.4 Properties of Laplace Transforms 130
3.1.5 Inverse Laplace Transform by Partial-Fraction
Expansion 132
3.1.6 The Final Value Theorem 134
3.1.7 Using Laplace Transforms to Solve Differential
Equations 136
3.1.8 Poles and Zeros 138
3.1.9 Linear System Analysis Using Matlab 139
3.2 System Modeling Diagrams 145
3.2.1 The Block Diagram 145
3.2.2 Block-Diagram Reduction Using Matlab 149
3.2.3 Mason’s Rule and the Signal Flow Graph (W) 150
3.3 Effect of Pole Locations 150
3.4 Time-Domain Specifications 159
3.4.1 Rise Time 159
3.4.2 Overshoot and Peak Time 160
3.4.3 Settling Time 161
3.5 Effects of Zeros and Additional Poles 164
3.6 Stability 174
3.6.1 Bounded Input–Bounded Output Stability 174
3.6.2 Stability of LTI Systems 176
3.6.3 Routh’s Stability Criterion 177
 3.7 Obtaining Models from Experimental Data:
System Identification (W) 184
 3.8 Amplitude and Time Scaling (W) 184
3.9 Historical Perspective 184
Summary 185
Review Questions 187
Problems 187

4 A First Analysis of Feedback 208


A Perspective on the Analysis of Feedback 208
Chapter Overview 209
4.1 The Basic Equations of Control 210
4.1.1 Stability 211
4.1.2 Tracking 212
4.1.3 Regulation 213
4.1.4 Sensitivity 214
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Contents 9

4.2 Control of Steady-State Error to Polynomial Inputs:


System Type 216
4.2.1 System Type for Tracking 217
4.2.2 System Type for Regulation and Disturbance
Rejection 222
4.3 The Three-Term Controller: PID Control 224
4.3.1 Proportional Control (P) 224
4.3.2 Integral Control (I) 226
4.3.3 Derivative Control (D) 229
4.3.4 Proportional Plus Integral Control (PI) 229
4.3.5 PID Control 233
4.3.6 Ziegler–Nichols Tuning of the PID
Controller 238
4.4 Feedforward Control by Plant Model Inversion 244
 4.5 Introduction to Digital Control (W) 246
 4.6 Sensitivity of Time Response to Parameter
Change (W) 247
4.7 Historical Perspective 247
Summary 249
Review Questions 250
Problems 251

5 The Root-Locus Design


Method 270
A Perspective on the Root-Locus Design Method 270
Chapter Overview 271
5.1 Root Locus of a Basic Feedback System 271
5.2 Guidelines for Determining a Root Locus 276
5.2.1 Rules for Determining a Positive (180◦ )
Root Locus 278
5.2.2 Summary of the Rules for Determining a
Root Locus 284
5.2.3 Selecting the Parameter Value 285
5.3 Selected Illustrative Root Loci 288
5.4 Design Using Dynamic Compensation 301
5.4.1 Design Using Lead Compensation 302
5.4.2 Design Using Lag Compensation 307
5.4.3 Design Using Notch Compensation 310
 5.4.4 Analog and Digital Implementations (W) 312
5.5 Design Examples Using the Root Locus 312
5.6 Extensions of the Root-Locus Method 323
5.6.1 Rules for Plotting a Negative (0◦ )
Root Locus 323
 5.6.2 Successive Loop Closure 326
 5.6.3 Time Delay (W) 331
5.7 Historical Perspective 331
10 Contents
Summary 333
Review Questions 335
Problems 335

6 The Frequency-Response
Design Method 353
A Perspective on the Frequency-Response Design Method 353
Chapter Overview 354
6.1 Frequency Response 354
6.1.1 Bode Plot Techniques 362
6.1.2 Steady-State Errors 374
6.2 Neutral Stability 376
6.3 The Nyquist Stability Criterion 379
6.3.1 The Argument Principle 379
6.3.2 Application of The Argument Principle
to Control Design 380
6.4 Stability Margins 393
6.5 Bode’s Gain–Phase Relationship 402
6.6 Closed-Loop Frequency Response 407
6.7 Compensation 408
6.7.1 PD Compensation 409
6.7.2 Lead Compensation (W) 410
6.7.3 PI Compensation 420
6.7.4 Lag Compensation 420
6.7.5 PID Compensation 426
6.7.6 Design Considerations 433
 6.7.7 Specifications in Terms of the Sensitivity
Function 435
 6.7.8 Limitations on Design in Terms of the Sensitivity
Function 440
 6.8 Time Delay 443
6.8.1 Time Delay via the Nyquist Diagram (W) 445
 6.9 Alternative Presentation of Data 445
6.9.1 Nichols Chart 445
6.9.2 The Inverse Nyquist Diagram (W) 450
6.10 Historical Perspective 450
Summary 451
Review Questions 453
Problems 454

7 State-Space Design 479


A Perspective on State-Space Design 479
Chapter Overview 480
7.1 Advantages of State-Space 480
7.2 System Description in State-Space 482
7.3 Block Diagrams and State-Space 488
7.4 Analysis of the State Equations 491
Contents 11

7.4.1 Block Diagrams and Canonical Forms 491


7.4.2 Dynamic Response from the State
Equations 503
7.5 Control-Law Design for Full-State Feedback 508
7.5.1 Finding the Control Law 509
7.5.2 Introducing the Reference Input with Full-State
Feedback 518
7.6 Selection of Pole Locations for Good Design 522
7.6.1 Dominant Second-Order Poles 522
7.6.2 Symmetric Root Locus (SRL) 524
7.6.3 Comments on the Methods 533
7.7 Estimator Design 534
7.7.1 Full-Order Estimators 534
7.7.2 Reduced-Order Estimators 540
7.7.3 Estimator Pole Selection 544
7.8 Compensator Design: Combined Control
Law and Estimator (W) 547
7.9 Introduction of the Reference Input
with the Estimator (W) 559
7.9.1 General Structure for the Reference Input 561
7.9.2 Selecting the Gain 570
7.10 Integral Control and Robust Tracking 571
7.10.1 Integral Control 571
 7.10.2 Robust Tracking Control: The Error-Space
Approach 573
 7.10.3 Model-Following Design 585
 7.10.4 The Extended Estimator 589
 7.11 Loop Transfer Recovery 592
 7.12 Direct Design with Rational Transfer
Functions 598
 7.13 Design for Systems with Pure Time Delay 602
7.14 Solution of State Equations (W) 605
7.15 Historical Perspective 607
Summary 608
Review Questions 611
Problems 612

8 Digital Control 636


A Perspective on Digital Control 636
Chapter Overview 636
8.1 Digitization 637
8.2 Dynamic Analysis of Discrete Systems 640
8.2.1 z-Transform 640
8.2.2 z-Transform Inversion 641
12 Contents
8.2.3 Relationship Between s and z 643
8.2.4 Final Value Theorem 645
8.3 Design Using Discrete Equivalents 647
8.3.1 Tustin’s Method 647
8.3.2 Zero-Order Hold (ZOH) Method 651
8.3.3 Matched Pole–Zero (MPZ) Method 653
8.3.4 Modified Matched Pole–Zero
(MMPZ) Method 657
8.3.5 Comparison of Digital Approximation
Methods 658
8.3.6 Applicability Limits of the Discrete Equivalent
Design Method 659
8.4 Hardware Characteristics 659
8.4.1 Analog-to-Digital (A/D) Converters 660
8.4.2 Digital-to-Analog Converters 660
8.4.3 Anti-Alias Prefilters 661
8.4.4 The Computer 662
8.5 Sample-Rate Selection 663
8.5.1 Tracking Effectiveness 664
8.5.2 Disturbance Rejection 665
8.5.3 Effect of Anti-Alias Prefilter 665
8.5.4 Asynchronous Sampling 666
 8.6 Discrete Design 666
8.6.1 Analysis Tools 667
8.6.2 Feedback Properties 668
8.6.3 Discrete Design Example 670
8.6.4 Discrete Analysis of Designs 672
8.7 Discrete State-Space Design Methods (W) 674
8.8 Historical Perspective 674
Summary 675
Review Questions 677
Problems 677

9 Nonlinear Systems 683


A Perspective on Nonlinear Systems 683
Chapter Overview 684
9.1 Introduction and Motivation: Why Study
Nonlinear Systems? 685
9.2 Analysis by Linearization 687
9.2.1 Linearization by Small-Signal Analysis 687
9.2.2 Linearization by Nonlinear Feedback 692
9.2.3 Linearization by Inverse Nonlinearity 693
9.3 Equivalent Gain Analysis Using the Root
Locus 694
9.3.1 Integrator Antiwindup 701
Contents 13

9.4 Equivalent Gain Analysis Using Frequency


Response: Describing Functions 706
9.4.1 Stability Analysis Using Describing
Functions 712
 9.5 Analysis and Design Based on Stability 716
9.5.1 The Phase Plane 717
9.5.2 Lyapunov Stability Analysis 723
9.5.3 The Circle Criterion 731
9.6 Historical Perspective 737
Summary 738
Review Questions 739
Problems 739

10 Control System Design: Principles and Case


Studies 751
A Perspective on Design Principles 751
Chapter Overview 751
10.1 An Outline of Control Systems
Design 753
10.2 Design of a Satellite’s Attitude
Control 759
10.3 Lateral and Longitudinal Control
of a Boeing 747 777
10.3.1 Yaw Damper 782
10.3.2 Altitude-Hold Autopilot 789
10.4 Control of the Fuel–Air Ratio
in an Automotive Engine 795
10.5 Control of a Quadrotor Drone 803
10.6 Control of RTP Systems in Semiconductor Wafer
Manufacturing 819
10.7 Chemotaxis, or How E. Coli Swims Away
from Trouble 833
10.8 Historical Perspective 843
Summary 845
Review Questions 847
Problems 847

Appendix A Laplace Transforms 865


A.1 The L− Laplace Transform 865
A.1.1 Properties of Laplace Transforms 866
A.1.2 Inverse Laplace Transform by Partial-Fraction
Expansion 874
A.1.3 The Initial Value Theorem 877
A.1.4 Final Value Theorem 878
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Hollo! Who waits there?
Countess. Do, do, my Lord! Expose your jealousy to your very
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Count. And, in order that you may be fully justified, I will make
this other door fast (Goes to Susan’s chamber door, locks it, and
takes the key.) As to the Susan of the dressing-room, she must
have the complaisance to wait my return.
Countess. This behaviour is greatly to your honor, my Lord! (This
speech is heard as they are going through the door, which the
Count locks after him.)
(Exeunt)

Enter SUSAN, peeping as they go off, then runs to the


dressing-room door and calls.

Susan. Hannibal!—Hannibal!—Open the door! Quick! Quick!—It’s


I, Susan.

Enter PAGE, frightened.

Page. Oh Susan!
Susan. Oh my poor Mistress!
Page. What will become of her?
Susan. What will become of my marriage?
Page. What will become of me?
Susan. Don’t stand babbling here, but fly.
Page. The doors are all fast, how can I fly?
Susan. Don’t ask me! Fly!
Page. Here’s a window open (runs to the window) Underneath is
a bed of flowers; I’ll leap out.
Susan. (Screams) You’ll break your neck!
Page. Better that than ruin my dear Lady—Give me one kiss
Susan.
Susan. Was there ever seen such a young—(Page kisses her, runs
and leaps out of the window, and Susan shrieks at seeing him) Ah!
(Susan sinks into a chair, overcome with fear—At last she takes
courage, rises, goes with dread towards the window, and after
looking out, turns round with her hand upon her heart, a sigh of
relief and a smile expressive of sudden ease and pleasure.) He is
safe! Yonder he runs!—As light and as swift as the winds!—If that
Boy does not make some woman’s heart ache I’m mistaken. (Susan
goes towards the dressing-room door, enters, and peeps out as she
is going to shut it.) And now, my good jealous Count, perhaps, I
may teach you to break open doors another time. (Locks herself
in.)

Enter COUNT, with a wrenching iron in one hand, and


leading in the COUNTESS with the other. Goes and
examines the doors.

Count. Every thing is as I left it. We now shall come to an


eclaircissement.
Countess. But, my Lord!—He’ll murder him! (Aside.)
Count. Now we shall know—Do you still persist in forcing me to
break open this door?—I am determined to see who’s within.
Countess. Let me beg, my Lord, you’ll have a moment’s patience!
—Hear me only and you shall satisfy your utmost curiosity!—Let me
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Count. Then there is a man?
Countess. No—none of whom you can reasonably entertain the
least suspicion.
Count. How?
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evening’s diversion! Nothing more, upon my Honor!—On my soul!
Count. But who—who is it?
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Count. Let us see your child!—What child?
Countess. Hannibal.
Count. The Page! (Turns away) This damnable Page again?——
Thus then is the Letter!——thus are my Suspicions realized at last!
—I am now no longer astonished, Madam, at your emotion for your
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forth, Viper! (In great wrath.)
Countess. (Terrified and trembling) Do not let the Disorder in
which you will see him——
Count. The Disorder!—The Disorder!
Countess. We were going to dress him in women’s cloaths for our
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Count. I’ll stab him!—I’ll!—“And this is your indisposition!—This is why
you would keep your Chamber all day! False, unworthy Woman! You shall keep
it longer than you expected.”—I’ll make him a terrible example of an
injured Husband’s wrath!
Countess. (Falling on her knees between the Count and the door)
Hold, my Lord, hold! Or let your anger light on me!—I, alone, am
guilty! If there be any guilt—Have pity on his youth! His infancy!
Count. What! Intercede for him!—On your knees!—And to me!
There wanted but this!—I’ll rack him!—Rise!—I’ll (Furiously.)
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Count. Rise!

(The Countess rises terrified, and sinks into an arm


chair ready to faint.

Countess. He’ll murder him!


Count. Come forth, I say, once more; or I’ll drag—(While the
Count is speaking, Susan unlocks the door and bolts out upon him.)
Susan. I’ll stab him!—I’ll rack him!

(The Countess, at hearing Susan’s voice, recovers


sufficiently to look round—Is astonished, endeavours
to collect herself, and turns back into her former
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Countess. (After standing fixed some time, and first looking at


Susan and then at the Countess) Here’s a seminary!—And can you
act astonishment too, Madam? (Observing the Countess, who
cannot totally hide her surprise.).
Countess. Attempting to speak) I—My Lord—
Count. (Recollecting himself.) But, perhaps, she was not alone.
(Enters the dressing-room, Countess again alarmed, Susan runs to
the Countess.
Susan. Fear nothing—He is not there—He has jumped out of the
window.
Countess. And broke his neck! (Her terror returns.)
Susan. Hush! (Susan claps herself bolt upright against her Lady,
to hide her new disorder from the Count.) Hem! Hem!

Re-enter COUNT, (greatly abashed)

Count. Nobody there!—I have been to blame—(approaching the


Countess.) Madam!—

(With great submission as if going to beg her pardon,


but the confusion still visible in her countenance calls
up the recollection of all that had just passed, and he
bursts out into an exclamation.)

Upon my soul, Madam, you are a most excellent Actress!


Susan. And am not I too, my Lord?
Count. You see my Confusion, Madam—be generous.
Susan. As you have been.
Count. Hush!—(Makes signs to Susan to take his part.) My dear
Rosina——
Countess. No, no, my Lord! I am no longer that Rosina whom
you formerly loved with such affection!—I am now nothing but the
poor Countess of Almaviva! A neglected Wife, and not a beloved
Mistress.
Count. Nay, do not make my humiliation too severe—(His
suspicions again in part revive.) But wherefore, my Lady, have you
been thus mysterious on this occasion?
Countess. That I might not betray that headlong thoughtless
Figaro.
Count. What! He wrote the anonymous billet then?
Countess. It was without my knowledge, my Lord.
Count. But you were afterwards informed of it?
Countess. Certainly.
Count. Who did he give it to?
Countess. Basil—
Count. Who sent it me by a Peasant—Indeed, Mr. Basil.—Yes, vile
Thrummer, thou shalt pay for all!
Countess. But where is the justice of refusing that pardon to
others we stand so much in need of ourselves? If ever I could be
brought to forgive, it should only be on condition of passing a
general amnesty.
Count. I acknowledge my guilt.

(The Countess stands in the middle of the stage, the


Count a little in the back ground, as if expressive of
his timidity, but his countenance shews he is
confident of obtaining his pardon—Susan stands
forwarder than either, and her looks are significantly
applicable to the circumstances of both parties.)

Susan. To suspect a man in my Lady’s dressing-room!—


Count. And to be thus severely punished for my suspicion!—
Susan. Not to believe my Lady when she assured you it was her
Woman!
Count. Ah!——(with affected confusion) Deign, Madam, once
more, to repeat my pardon.
Countess. Have I already pronounced it, Susan?
Susan. Not that I heard, Madam.
Count. Let the gentle sentence then escape.
Countess. And do you merit it, ungrateful man? (with
tenderness.)
Count. (Looking at Susan, who returns his look) Certainly, my
Lady.
Countess. A fine example I set you, Susan! (The Count takes her
hand and kisses it.) Who, hereafter, will dread a Woman’s anger?

(Countess turns her head towards Susan, and laughs


as she says this.)

Susan. (In the same tone) Yes, yes, Madam—I observe——Men


may well accuse us of frailty.
Count. And yet I cannot, for the soul of me, forget the agony,
Rosina, in which you seemed to be just now! Your cries, your tears,
your——How was it possible, this being a Fiction, you should so
suddenly give it the tragic tone of a Reality?—Ha! ha! ha!—So
astonishingly natural!
Countess. You see your Page, and I dare say your Lordship was
not sorry for the mistake—I’m sure the sight of Susan does not give
you offence.
Count. Hem!—Offence! Oh! No, no, no—But what’s the reason,
you malicious little hussey, you did not come when I called?
Susan. What! Undress’d, my Lord?
Count. But why didn’t you answer then?
Susan. My Lady forbad me: and good reason she had so to do.
Count. Such distraction in your countenance! (To the Countess)
Nay, it’s not calm even yet!
Countess. Oh you—you fancy so my Lord.
Count. Men, I perceive, are poor Politicians—Women make
Children of us——Were his Majesty wise, he would name you, and
not me, for his Ambassador.
Enter FIGARO, chearfully; perceives the Count, who
puts on a very serious air.

Fig. They told me my Lady was indisposed, I ran to enquire, and


am very happy to find there was nothing in it.
Count. You are very attentive.
Fig. It is my duty so to be, my Lord. (Turns to Susan.) Come,
come, my Charmer! Prepare for the Ceremony! Go to your
Bridemaids.
Count. But who is to guard the Countess in the mean time?
Figaro. (Surprised) Guard her, my Lord! My Lady seems very
well: she wants no guarding.
Count. From the Gallant, who was to profit by my absence?
(Susan and the Countess make signs to Figaro.)
Countess. Nay, nay, Figaro, the Count knows all.
Susan. Yes, yes, we have told my Lord every thing.—The jest is
ended—Its all over.
Figaro. The jest is ended!—And its all over!
Count. Yes—Ended, ended, ended!——And all over—What have
you to say to that?
Fig. Say, my Lord!

(The confusion of Figaro arises from not supposing it


possible the Countess and Susan should have
betrayed him, and when he understands something
by their signs, from not knowing how much they have
told.)

Count. Ay, say.


Fig. I—I—I wish I could say as much of my Marriage.
Count. And who wrote the pretty Letter?
Figaro. Not I, my Lord.
Count. If I did not know thou liest, I could read it in thy face.
Figaro. Indeed, my Lord!—Then it is my face that lies; and not I.
Countess. Pshaw, Figaro! Why should you endeavour to conceal
any thing, when I tell you we have confess’d all?
Susan. (Making signs to Figaro) We have told my Lord of the
Letter, which made him suspect that Hannibal, the Page, who is far
enough off by this, was hid in my Lady’s dressing-room, where I
myself was lock’d in.
Figaro. Well, well, since my Lord will have it so, and my Lady will
have it so, and you all will have it so, why then so let it be.
Count. Still at his Wiles.——
Countess. Why, my Lord, would you oblige him to speak truth, so
much against his inclination? (Count and Countess walk familiarly
up the stage.)
Susan. Hast thou seen the Page?
Fig. Yes, yes: you have shook his young joints for him, among
you.

Enter ANTONIO, the Gardener, with a broken Flower-


pot under his arm half drunk.

Antonio. My Lord—My good Lord—If so be as your Lordship will


not have the goodness to have these Windows nailed up, I shall
never have a Nosegay fit to give to my Lady—They break all my
pots, and spoil my flowers; for they not only throw other Rubbish
out of the windows, as they used to do, but they have just now
tossed out a Man.
Count. A Man!—(The Count’s suspicions all revive.)
Antonio. In white stockings!
(Countess and Susan discover their fears, and make
signs to Figaro to assist them if possible.)

Count. Where is the Man? (Eagerly.)


Antonio. That’s what I want to know, my Lord!—I wish I could
find him,—I am your Lordship’s Gardener; and, tho’ I say it, a
better Gardener is not to be found in all Spain;—but if
Chambermaids are permitted to toss men out of the window to
save their own Reputation, what is to become of mine?—“It will
wither with my flowers to be sure.”

Figaro. Oh fie! What sotting so soon in a morning?


Antonio. Why, can one begin one’s day’s work too early?
Count. Your day’s work, Sir?
Antonio. Your Lordship knows my Niece, there she stands, is to
be married to day; and I am sure she would never forgive me if——
Count. If you were not to get drunk an hour sooner than usual—
But on with your story, Sir—What of the Man?—What followed?
Antonio. I followed him myself, my Lord, as fast as I could; but,
somehow, I unluckily happened to make a false step, and came
with such a confounded whirl against the Garden-gate—that I—I
quite for—forgot my Errand.
Count. And should you know this man again?
Antonio. To be sure I should, my Lord!—If I had seen him, that
is.
Count. Either speak more clearly, Rascal, or I’ll send you packing
to——
Antonio. Send me packing, my Lord?—Oh, no! If your Lordship
has not enough—enough (Points to his forehead) to know when
you have a good Gardener, I warrant I know when I have a good
Place.
Figaro. There is no occasion, my Lord, for all this mystery! It was
I who jump’d out of the window into the garden.
Count. You?
Figaro. My own self, my Lord.
Count. Jump out of a one pair of stairs window and run the risk
of breaking your Neck?
Figaro. The ground was soft, my Lord.
Antonio. And his Neck is in no danger of being broken.
Figaro. To be sure I hurt my right leg, a little, in the fall; just here
at the ancle—I feel it still. (Rubbing his ancle.)
Count. But what reason had you to jump out of the window?
Figaro. You had received my letter, my Lord, since I must own it,
and was come, somewhat sooner than I expected, in a dreadful
passion, in search of a man.—
Antonio. If it was you, you have grown plaguy fast within this
half hour, to my thinking. The man that I saw did not seem so tall
by the head and shoulders.
Figaro. Pshaw! Does not one double one’s self up when one
takes a leap?
Antonio. It seem’d a great deal more like the Page.
Count. The Page!
Figaro. Oh yes, to be sure, the Page has gallop’d back from
Seville, Horse and all, to leap out of the window!
Antonio. No, no, my Lord! I saw no such thing! I’ll take my oath I
saw no horse leap out of the window.
Figaro. Come, come, let us prepare for our sports.
Antonio. Well, since it was you, as I am an honest man, I ought
to return you this Paper which drop’d out of your pocket as you fell.
Count. (Snatches the paper. The Countess, Figaro, and Susan are
all surprised and embarrassed. Figaro shakes himself, and
endeavours to recover his fortitude.) Ay, since it was you, you
doubtless can tell what this Paper contains (claps the paper behind
his back as he faces Figaro) and how it happened to come in your
Pocket?
Figaro. Oh, my Lord, I have such quantities of Papers (searches
his pockets, pulls out a great many) No, it is not this!—Hem!—This
is a double Love-letter from Marcelina, in seven pages—Hem!—
Hem!—It would do a man’s heart good to read it—Hem!—And this
is a petition from the poor Poacher in prison. I never presented it to
your Lordship, because I know you have affairs much more serious
on your hands, than the Complaints of such half-starved Rascals—
Ah!—Hem!—this—this—no, this is an Inventory of your Lordship’s
Sword-knots, Ruffs, Ruffles, and Roses—must take care of this—
(Endeavours to gain time, and keeps glancing and hemming to
Susan and the Countess, to look at the paper and give him a hint.)
Count. It is neither this, nor this, nor that, nor t’other, that you
have in your hand, but what I hold here in mine, that I want to
know the contents of. (Holds out the paper in action as he speaks,
the Countess who stands next him catches a sight of it.)
Countess. ’Tis the Commission. (Aside to Susan.)
Susan. The Page’s Commission. (Aside to Figaro.)
Count. Well, Sir!—So you know nothing of the matter?
Antonio. (Reels round to Figaro) My Lord says you—know
nothing of the matter.
Figaro. Keep off, and don’t come to whisper me. (pretending to
recollect himself.) Oh Lord! Lord! What a stupid fool I am!—I
declare it is the Commission of that poor youth, Hannibal—which I,
like a Blockhead, forgot to return him—He will be quite unhappy
about it, poor Boy.
Count. And how came you by it?
Figaro. By it, my Lord?
Count. Why did he give it you?
Figaro. To—to—to——
Count. To what?
Figaro. To get—
Count. To get what? It wants nothing!
Countess. (to Susan) It wants the Seal.
Susan. (to Figaro) It wants the Seal.
Figaro. Oh, my Lord, what it wants to be sure is a mere trifle.
Count. What trifle?
Figaro. You know, my Lord, it’s customary to—
Count. To what?
Figaro. To affix your Lordship’s Seal.
Count. (Looks at the Commission, finds the Seal is wanting, and
exclaims with vexation and disappointment) The Devil and his
Imps!—It is written, Count, thou shalt be a Dupe!—Where is this
Marcelina?
[Going.
Figaro. Are you going, my Lord, without giving Orders for our
Wedding?

Enter MARCELINA, BASIL, BOUNCE, and Vassals.

(The Count returns.)


Marcelina. Forbear, my Lord, to give such Orders; in Justice
forbear. I have a written promise under his hand, and I appeal to
you, to redress my injuries! You are my lawful Judge.
Figaro. Pshaw! A trifle, my Lord: a note of hand for money
borrowed; nothing more.
Count. Let the Advocates and Officers of Justice be assembled in
the great Hall; we will there determine on the justice of your claim.
It becomes us not to suffer any Vassal of ours, however we may
privately esteem him, to be guilty of public injury.
Basil. Your Lordship is acquainted with my claims on Marcelina: I
hope your Lordship will grant me your support.
Count. Oh, oh! Are you there, Prince of Knaves?
Antonio. Yes, that’s his title, sure enough.
Count. Approach, honest Basil; faithful Agent of our Will and
Pleasure. (Basil bows) Go order the Lawyers to assemble.
Basil. My Lord!—
Count. And tell the Peasant, by whom you sent me the Letter this
morning, I want to speak with him.
Basil. Your Lordship is pleased to joke with your humble Servant.
I know no such Peasant.
Count. You will be pleased to find him, notwithstanding.
Basil. My Office, in this House, as your Lordship knows, is not to
go of Errands! Think, my Lord, how that would degrade a man of
my talents; who have the honour to teach my Lady the
Harpsichord, the Mandoline to her Woman, and to entertain your
Lordship, and your Lordship’s good Company, with my Voice and
my Guitar, whenever your Lordship pleases to honor me with your
Commands.
Bounce. I will go, if your Lordship pleases to let me: I should be
very glad to oblige your Lordship.
Count. What’s thy Name?
Bounce. Pedro Bounce, my Lord, Fire-work maker to your
Lordship.
Count. Thy zeal pleases me, thou shalt go.
Bounce. Thank your Lordship, thank your noble Lordship.
(Leaps.)
Count. (To Basil) And do you be pleased, Sir, to entertain the
Gentleman, on his Journey, with your Voice and your Guitar; he is
part of my good Company.
Bounce. (Leaps) I am part of my Lord’s good Company! Who
would have thought it!
Basil. My Lord——
Count. Depart! Obey! Or, depart from my Service.

(Exit.)

Basil. ’Tis in vain to resist. Shall I wage war with a Lion, who am
only——
Figaro. A Calf—“But come, you seem vex’d about it—I will open the Ball—
Strike up, tis my Susan’s Wedding-day.”

Basil. Come along, Mr. Bounce. (Basil begins to play, Figaro


dances and sings off before him, and Bounce follows, dancing
after.)
(Exeunt.)

Manent COUNTESS and SUSAN.

Countess. You see, Susan, to what Danger I have been exposed


by Figaro and his fine concerted Billet.
Susan. “Dear Madam, if you had but seen yourself when I bounced out upon
my Lord! So pale, such Terror in your Countenance! And then your suddenly
assumed tranquillity!
Countess. “Oh no, every Faculty was lost in my Fears.
Susan. “I assure your Ladyship to the contrary; in a few Lessons you would
learn to dissemble and fib with as good a Grace as any Lady in the Land.”

Countess. And so that poor Child jumped out of the Window?


Susan. Without the least hesitation—as light and as chearful as a
Linnet.
Countess. I wish however I could convict my false Count of his
Infidelity.
Susan. The Page will never dare, after this, to make a second
attempt.
Countess. Ha!—A lucky project! I will meet him myself; and then
nobody will be exposed.
Susan. But suppose, Madam—
Countess. My Success has emboldened me, and I am determined
to try—(Sees the Riband left on the chair) What’s here? My Riband!
I will keep it as a Memento of the danger to which that poor Youth
—“Ah my Lord—Yet let me have a care, let me look to myself, to my own
Conduct, lest I should give occasion to say—Ah my Lady!” (The Countess
puts the Riband in her Pocket.) You must not mention a Word of
this, Susan, to any body.
Susan. Except Figaro.
Countess. No exceptions, he must not be told; he will spoil it, by
mixing some plot of his own with it—I have promised thee a Portion
thou knowest—these men are liberal in their Pleasures—Perhaps I
may double it for thee; it will be Susan’s Right.
Susan. Your Project is a charming one, Madam, and I shall yet
have my Figaro.
[Exit Susan, kissing the Countess’s Hand.

End of A C T II.
ACT III.

SCENE, the Great Hall.

(A Judge’s Chair, four other Chairs, Benches with red


Baize, a Table and a Stool, with Pen, Ink and
Paper.)

Enter the COUNT, dressed, and a SERVANT, booted.

Count. Ride to Seville with all speed; enquire if the Page has
joined his Regiment, and at what o’clock precisely he
arrived; give him this Commission, and return like
lightening.
Servant. And if he is not there—
Count. Return still quicker.—Go; fly!——(Exit Servant)—I was
wrong to send Basil out of the way—He might have been very
serviceable—But Anger was never wise—I scarcely know at present
what I wish—When once the Passions have obtained the Mastery,
there is no Mind, however consistent, but becomes as wild and
incongruous as a Dream—If the Countess, Susan, and Figaro
should understand each other and plot to betray me!—If the Page
was shut up in her dressing-room—Oh! no!—The Respect she bears
herself—my Honor!—My Honor? And in my Wife’s keeping?—Honor
in a Woman’s possession, like Ice Cream in the mouth, melts away
in a contest of Pleasure and Pain—I will sound Figaro, however.

Enter FIGARO, behind.


Figaro. Here am I. (Aside.)
Count. And if I have reason to suppose them plotting against me,
he shall marry Marcelina.
Figaro. Perhaps not. (Aside.)
Count. But in that case, what must Susan be?
Figaro. My Wife, if you please.—

(Figaro’s eagerness occasions him to speak aloud——


The Count turns round astonished.)

Count. My Wife, if you please!—To whom did you say my Wife, if


you please?
Figaro. To—to—to—That is—They were the last words of a
sentence I was saying to one of the Servants—Go and tell so and
so to—my Wife, if you please.
Count. Your Wife!—Zounds, you are very fond of your Wife.
Figaro. I love to be singular.
Count. You have made me wait for you here a long while.
Figaro. I have been changing my Stockings, which I dirtied in the
fall.
Count. Servants, I think, are longer dressing than their Masters.
Figaro. Well they may—They are obliged to dress themselves.
Count. If in sifting my Gentleman, I find him unwilling to go to
France, I may conclude Susan has betrayed me. (Aside.)
Figaro. He has mischief in his head, but I’ll watch his motions.
(Aside.)
Count. (Approaches Figaro with familiarity)—Thou knowest,
Figaro, it was my intention to have taken thee with me on my
Embassy to Paris, but I believe thou dost not understand French.
Figaro. Perfectly.
Count. Indeed!—Let’s hear.—(Figaro pulls out his purse and
jingles it)—Is that all the French thou understandest?
Figaro. All!—Is not that enough, think you, my Lord?—That’s a
Language understood in every corner of the habitable Earth, and in
no place better than in Paris.—“Your Philosophers, who lament the loss of
an universal Language, are Fools—They always carry one in their pockets.” As
for a knowledge of French, my Lord, I maintain, s’il vous plait, and
a Purse are all that’s necessary—Let but the sound of Silver jingle
in a Frenchman’s ears, and he will instantly understand your
meaning, be it what it will.— “If you have a Law-suit, and wish to gain
your Cause, go to the Judge, pull off your Hat, and pull out your Purse; smile,
shake it, and pronounce, s’il vous plait, Monsieur—
Count. “And your Adversary is overthrown.
Figaro. “Undoubtedly—Unless he understands French still better than you—
Do you wish the Friendship of a great Lord, or a great Lady, its still the same—
Chink, chink, and s’il vous plait, Monseigneur—S’il vous plait, Madame—The
French are a very witty People!—Amazingly quick of apprehension!—Therefore,
my Lord, if you have no other reason than this for leaving me behind—”

Count. But thou art no Politician.


Figaro. Pardon me, my Lord, I am as great a master of Politics
——
Count. As thou art of French.
Figaro. Oh, my Lord, the thing is so easy—He must be a Fool
indeed who could find his vanity flattered by his skill in Politics—To
appear always deeply concerned for the good of the State, yet to
have no other end but Self-interest; to assemble and say Nothing;
to pretend vast Secrecy where there is nothing to conceal; to shut
yourself up in your Chamber, and mend your pen or pick your
Teeth, while your Footmen inform the attending Croud you are too
busy to be approach’d—this, with the art of intercepting Letters,
imitating Hands, pensioning Traitors, and rewarding Flatterers, is
the whole mystery of Politics, or I am an Idiot.
Count. This is the definition of a Partisan not a Politician.
Figaro. Party and Politics are much the same, they are become
synonimous terms.
Count. (Aside) Since he is so willing to go to Paris, Susan has
said nothing.
Figaro. ’Tis now my turn to attack. (Aside.)
Count. And—I suppose thou wilt take thy Wife with thee—to
Paris?
Figaro. No—no—I should be obliged to quit her so frequently,
that I am afraid the Cares of the marriage state would lie too heavy
on my head (significantly.)
Count. Susan has betrayed me. (Aside.)
Figaro. (Aside) He does not like the retort.

(The Count smiles, approaches Figaro with great


familiarity, and leans upon his shoulder—By-play
between the Count and Figaro.)

Count. The time was, Figaro, when thou wert more open—
Formerly thou wouldst tell me any thing.
Figaro. And at present I conceal nothing.
Count. What can be the Countess’s motives—(The Count puts his
arm round Figaro’s neck—By-play again)—I—Thou seest I anticipate
her wishes, load her with presents——
Figaro. Will give her any thing but yourself—Of what worth are
Trinkets when we are in want of Necessaries?
Count. Come, come; be sincere—Tell me—How much did the
Countess give thee for this last plot?
Figaro. As much as your Lordship gave me for helping you to
steal her from her old jealous Guardian—“A noble Lord should not
endeavour to degrade an honest Servant, lest he should make him a Knave.”
Count. But wherefore is there continually some Mystery in thy
conduct?
Figaro. Because the Conduct of others is mysterious.
Count. Appearances, my dear Figaro, really speak thee a great
Knave.
Figaro. (Looking round at the Count’s hand upon his shoulders,
and observing his familiarity)—Appearances, my dear Lord, are
frequently false—I am much better than I appear to be-Can the
Great in general say as much?—(Aside)—Take that.
Count. Yes, yes; she has told him. (Aside.)
Figaro. “I shall content myself, my Lord, with the portion your Lordship has
promised me on my Marriage, and the place of Steward of this Castle, with
which you have honoured me, and willingly remain with my Wife here in
Andalusia, far from troubles and intrigue.
Count. “But thou hast Abilities, and might rise to Preferment.
Figaro. “Preferred by my Abilities my Lord!——Your Lordship is pleased to
laugh at me.”

Count. Yes, yes; Susan has betrayed me, and my Gentleman


marries Marcelina. (Aside.)
Figaro. He has been angling for Gudgeons, and what has he
caught? (Aside.)

Enter a SERVANT.

Servant. Don Guzman and the Counsellors are without.


Count. Let them wait.
Figaro. (Ironically) Aye, let them wait. (Exit Serv.)
Count. And dost thou expect to gain thy Cause?
Figaro. With the assistance of Justice and my Lord’s good wishes,
who respects Youth too much himself to force others to wed with
Age.
Count. A Judge knows no distinction of persons.
Figaro. “Well—Time, say the Italians, is a valiant Fellow, and tells
Truth”—But what was it your Lordship was pleased to send for me
for?
Count. For—(Somewhat embarrassed) To see these benches and
chairs set in order.
Figaro. That is already done, my Lord. Here is the great chair for
your Lordship, a seat for the President, a table and stool for his
Clerk, two benches for the Lawyers, the middle for the Beau
monde, and the Mob in the back ground. (Exit.)
Count. He is too cunning; I can get nothing out of him; but they
certainly understand each other.—They may toy and be as loving as
they please, but as for wedding—

Enter SUSAN.

(She comes up to the Count’s elbow while he is


speaking, and is surprized to see him in such an ill
humour.)

Susan. My Lord!
Count. My Lady!
Susan. My Lady has sent me for your Lordship’s smelling-bottle;
she has got the vapours.
Count. Here; and when she has done with it, borrow it for
yourself,—it may be useful.
Susan. I the vapours, my Lord! Oh no, that’s too polite a disease
for a Servant to pretend to!
Count. Fits may come;—Love so violent as yours cannot bear
disappointment; and when Figaro marries Marcelina—
Susan. Oh, suppose the worst, my Lord, we can pay Marcelina
with the Portion your Lordship has promised us!
Count. I promis’d you a portion?
Susan. If my ears did not deceive me, I understood as much.
Count. Yes, if you had pleas’d to understand me, but since you
do not.—
Susan. (Pretending bashfulness) It’s always soon enough to own
one’s weakness, my Lord.
Count. (with an instant change of countenance) What! Wilt thou
take a walk this evening in the garden, by the Pavilion?
Susan. Don’t I take Walks every evening, my Lord?
Count. Nay, nay, but let us understand each other—No Pavilion,
no Marriage.
Susan. And no Marriage, no Pavilion, my Lord! (curtsying)
Count. What a witty little Devil! I wonder what she does to
fascinate me so!—But prithee tell me why hast thou always, till
now, refused with such obstinacy? This very Morning, thou knowest
——
Susan. This Morning, my Lord!—What, and the Page behind the
Great-chair!
Count. Oh, true! I had forgot!—But when Basil has spoken to
thee in my behalf.—
Susan. Is it necessary, my Lord, such a knave as Basil should
know every thing that passes?
Count. She is right again!—But—(Suspicious) thou wilt go, now,
and tell Figaro all.
Susan. To be sure, my Lord. I always tell him all—except what is
necessary to conceal.
Count. Ah the Hussey! What a charming little Knave it is! Run,
run to thy Mistress; she is waiting, and may suspect us.
Susan. (Hesitating) So your Lordship can’t perceive that I only
wanted a pretext to speak to your Lordship.
(The Count unable to conceal his transport, is going
to kiss her, but hears somebody coming, and they
separate)

Count. (As he turns.) She absolutely bewitches me! I had sworn


to think no more of her, but she winds me just as she pleases!

(The Count goes off, and Figaro enters, but the Count
hearing Figaro’s Voice, returns and peeps)

Figaro. Well, my Susan, what does he say?


Susan. Hush! Hush! He is just gone—Thou hast gained thy Cause
—Run, run, run.
(Exit Susan, running, Figaro following.)
Figaro. Well, but how, how, my Charmer?
(Exeunt.)

Re-enter COUNT.

Count. Thou hast gained thy Cause—Aha! And is it so, my pair of


Knaves!—Am I your Dupe then?—A very pretty Net! But the Cuckoo
is not caught—Come!—Proceed we to judgment! (With passion) Be
we just!—Cool!—Impartial!—Inflexible—
(Exit.)

Enter Don GUZMAN, MARCELINA, and DOCTOR.

Marcelina. I shall be happy, Mr. President, to explain the justice


of my Cause.
Doctor. To shew you on what grounds this Lady proceeds.
D. Guzman. (Stuttering) We-e-e-ell, le-et us exa-a-mine the
matter ve-erbally.
Marcelina. There is a promise of Marriage——
Guzman. I co-o-o-ompre—hend! Gi-i-iven by you-ou-ou—to—
Marcelina. No, Mr. President, given to me.
Guz. I co-o-o-omprehend! Gi-iven to you.
Marcelina. And a sum of Money which I——
Guzman. I co-o-o-omprehend! Which you-ou ha-ave received.
Marcelina. No, Mr. President, which I have lent.
Guzman. I co-o-o-omprehend!—It is re-e-paid.
Marcelina. No, Mr. President, it is not repaid.
Guzman. I co-o-o-omprehend—The m-m-man would marry you
to pay his de-de-de-bts.
Marcelina. No, Mr. President, he would neither marry me, nor pay
his debts.
Guzman. D-d—do you think I d-d-d-don’t co-o-omprehend you?
Doctor. And are you, Mr. President, to judge this Cause?
Guzman. T-t-t-to be sure—Wha-at else did I purchase my Place
for thi-ink you, (Laughs stupidly at the supposed folly of the
Question) And where is the De-fe-e-endant?

Enter FIGARO.

Figaro. Here, at your service.


Doctor. Yes, that’s the Knave.
Figaro. Perhaps I interrupt you.
Guzman. “Ha-ave not I see-een you before, young Man?
Figaro. “Oh yes, Mr. President, I once served your Lady.
Guzman. “How lo-ong since?
Figaro. “Nine months before the birth of her last Child—And a fine Boy it is,
though I say it.
Guzman. “Y-es—He’s the F-flower of the Flock”— And the cau-ause
betwee-een—
Figaro. A Bagatelle, Mr. President! A Bagatelle.
Guzman. (Laughs.) A Ba-ag-a-telle! A pro-o-mise of Ma-a-arriage
a Ba-a-gatelle! Ha! ha! ha!——And dost thou hope to ca-ast the
Pla-aintiff?
Figaro. To be sure, Mr. President! You being one of the Judges.
Guzman. (With stupid dignity) Ye-e-es! I am one of the Judges!—
Hast thou see-een D-D-Doublefee, my Se-ecretary?
Figaro. Yes, Mr. President! That’s a duty not to be neglected.
Guzman. The young Fellow is not so si-i-imple I thought.

Enter Cryer of the Court, Guards, Count, Counsellors


and Vassals.

Cryer. Make room there, for my Lord, the Count.


Count. Wherefore in your Robes, Don Guzman? It was
unnecessary for a mere domestic matter like this.
Guzman. Pa-a-ardon me, my Lord! “Those who would tre-e-emble at
the Clerk of the Court in his Robes, would la-augh at the Judge without ’em.”
Forms! Forms! are sacred things.
(The Count and the Court seat themselves.)
Count. Call silence in the Court.
Cryer. Silence in the Court.
Guzman. Read “over the Causes”, D-D-Doublefee.
Doublefee. “The Count de los Altos Montes di Agnas Frescas, Señor di Montes
Fieros, y otros Montes, Plaintiff, against Alonzo Calderon, a Comic Poet. The
question at present before the Court, is, to know the Author of a Comedy that
has been damned; which they mutually disavow and attribute to each other.
Count. “They are both very right in mutually disavowing it; and be it decreed,
that if, hereafter, they should produce a successful Piece, its Fame shall
appertain to the Count, and its Merit to the Poet—The next.
Doublefee. “Diego Macho, Day-labourer, Plaintiff, against Gil-Perez-Borcado,
Tax-gatherer, and receiver of the Gabels, for having violently dispossessed the
said Diego Macho, Day-labourer, of his Cow.
Count. “This Cause does not come within my Jurisdiction; but as it is
probable the Day-labourer will never obtain Justice; do thou see, Figaro, that
another Cow be sent him; lest his Family should be starved—The next.”

Doublefee. Marcelina-Jane-Maria -Angelica-Mustachio, Spinster,


Plaintiff, against—(To Figaro) Here’s no surname!
Figaro. Anonymous.
Guzman. Ano-o-onymous—I never heard the Name before!
Doublefee. Against Figaro Anonymous. What Profession?
Figaro. Gentleman.
Count. Gentleman!
Figaro. I might have been born a Prince, if Heaven had pleased.
Doublefee. Against Figaro Anonymous, Gentleman, Defendant.
The Question before the Court relates to a promise of Marriage; the
Parties have retained no Council, contrary to the ancient and
established practice of Courts.
Figaro. What occasion for Council? A race of Gentlemen who are
always so very learned, they know every thing, except their Briefs!
Who insolently interrogate Modesty and Timidity, and endeavour, by
confusing, to make Honesty forswear itself; and, after having
laboured for hours, with all legal prolixity, to perplex self-evident
Propositions, and bewilder the understandings of the Judges, sit
down as proud as if they had just pronounced a Phillipic of
Demosthenes—(Addressing himself to the Court) My Lord, and
Gentlemen—The Question before the Court is——
Doublefee. (Interrupting him) It is not you to speak, you are the
Defendant——Who pleads for the Plaintiff?
Doctor. I.
Doublefee. You! A Physician turn Lawyer?—
Figaro. Oh yes, and equally skilful in both.
Count. Read the Promise of Marriage, Doctor.
Guzman. Re-e-ead the Pro-o-omise of Marriage.
Doctor. (Reads) I acknowledge to have received of Marcelina-
Jane-Maria-Angelica-Mustachio, the sum of two thousand Piasters,
in the Castle of Count Almaviva, which sum I promise to repay to
the said Marcelina-Jane-Maria-Angelica-Mustachio, and to marry
her. Signed, Figaro. (Addressing himself to the Count) My Lord, and
Gentlemen! Hem! Never did cause more interesting, more intricate,
or in which the Interest of Mankind, their Rights, Properties, Lives
and Liberties were more materially involved, ever claim the
profound Attention of this most learned, most honourable Court,
and from the time of Alexander the Great, who promised to
espouse the beauteous Thalestris——
Count. Stop, most formidable Orator; and ere you proceed,
enquire whether the Defendant does not contest the validity of
your Deed.
Guzman. (To Figaro) Do you co-ontest the va-va-va-va-lidity of
the Dee-eed?
Figaro. My Lord and Gentlemen! Hem! There is in this Case,
either Fraud, Error, Malice, or mischievous Intention, for the Words
of the Acknowledgment are, I promise to repay the said Marcelina-
Jane-Maria-Angelica-Mustachio, the said sum of two thousand
Piasters or to marry her, which is very different.
Doctor. I affirm it is AND.
Figaro. I affirm it is OR.
Doctor. Well, suppose it.
Figaro. No Supposition, I will have it granted.
Count. Clerk, Read you the Promise.
Guzman. Re-e-ead the P-P-P-Promise, D-D-D-Double-fee.
Doublefee. (Reads) I acknowledge to have received of Marcelina-
Jane-Maria-Angelica-Mustachio, the sum of two thousand Piasters,
in the Castle of Count Almaviva, which sum I promise to repay the
said Marcelina-Jane-Maria-Angelica-Mustachio, and—or—and—or—
or—The Word is blotted.
Doctor. No matter; the Sense of the Phrase is equally clear. This
learned Court is not now to be informed the word or particle, Or,
hath various significations—It means otherwise and either—It
likewise means before—For example, in the language of the Poet.
Or ’ere the Sun decline the western Sky,
’Tis Fate’s decree the Victims all must die.
Figaro. This was the language of Prophesy, and spoken of the
Doctor’s own Patients.
Count. “Silence in the Court.
Crier. “Silence in the Court.
Doctor. “Hence then, I clearly deduce (granting the word to be Or) the
Defendant doth hereby promise, not only to pay the Plaintiff, but marry her
before he pays her— Again, the word Or doth sometimes signify Wherefore, as
another great and learned Poet hath it,
“Or how could heav’nly Justice damn us all,
Who ne’er consented to our Father’s Fall?
“That is wherefore? For what reason could heavenly Justice do such an
unjust thing? Let us then substitute the adverb Wherefore, and the intent and
meaning of the Promise will be incontestable; for, after reciting an
acknowledgement of the debt, it concludes with the remarkable words, Or to
marry her, that is, wherefore, for which reason, out of gratitude, for the Favour
above done me, I will marry her.
Figaro. “Oh most celebrated Doctor? Most poetic Quibbler!
“Hark with what florid Impotence he speaks,
And as his Malice prompts, the Puppet squeaks,
Or at the ear of Eve, familiar Toad,
Half froth, half venom, spits himself abroad
In legal Puns, or Quibbles, Quirks, or Lies,
Or Spite, or Taunts, or Rhymes, or Blasphemies.
“What think you we know not Quotations, and Poets, and Ands, and Ors, and
Whys, and Wherefores.
“What Drop or Nostrum, can such Plagues remove,
Or which must end me, a Fool’s Wrath—Or Love?
(Pointing first to the Doctor, and then to Marcelina)

“We have neither forgot our Reading nor our Syntax, but can easily translate
My Lord, and Gentlemen, You hear
a dull Knave into a palpable Fool—”
his Sophisms, Poetical, and Conundrums, Grammatical.
Count. Yes, yes, we hear.
(Count and the Counsellors rise and consult together.)
Antonio. I’m glad they have put an end to your prating.
Marcelina. Their Whisperings and wise Grimaces forebode me no
good. That Susan has corrupted the chief Judge, and he is
corrupting all the others.
Doctor. It looks devilish like it.
(The Count and Counsellors resume their seats.)
Doublefee. Silence in the Court.
Crier. Silence in the Court.
Count. The judgment of the Court is, that since the validity of the
promise of Marriage is not well established, Figaro is permitted to
dispose of his Person.
Figaro. The Day’s my own.
Marcelina. I thought how it would be.
Count. But as the Acknowledgement clearly expresses the words,
Which sum I promise to pay the said Marcelina-Jane-Maria-
Angelica-Mustachio, or to marry her, the said Figaro stands
condemned to pay the two thousand Piasters to the Plaintiff, or
marry her in the course of the Day.
Figaro. I’m undone!
Marcelina. I am happy!
Count. And I am revenged!
Antonio. Thank your noble Lordship! Most humbly thank your
noble Lordship!—Ah ha! I’m glad thou art not to marry my Niece!
I’ll go and tell her the good news!
(Exit.)
Crier. Clear the Court.
(Exeunt Guards, Counsellors, and Vassals.

Manent Don Guzman, Figaro, Marcelina and Dr.


Bartholo.

Figaro. ’Tis this Furze-ball, this Fungus of a President that has


lost me my Cause.
Guzman. I a F-F-Furze-ball and a F-F-Fungus!
Figaro. (Sits down dejected) I will never marry her.
Guzman. Thou mu-ust ma-arry her.
Figaro. What! Without the Consent of my noble Parents?
Count. (Returning) Where are they? Who are they?—He will still
complain of injustice—Name them.
Figaro. Allow me time, my Lord—I must first know where to find
them, and yet it ought not to be long, for I have been seeking
them these five Years.
Doctor. What! A Foundling?
Figaro. No Foundling, but stolen from my Parents.
Count. Poh! This is too palpable.
(Exit Count)
Figaro. Had I no other Proof of my Birth than the precious
Stones, Ring, and Jewels found upon me, these would be sufficient
—but I bear the Mark——
(He is going to shew his Arm.)
Marcelina. Of a Lobster on your left Arm.
Figaro. How do you know that?
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