7

Improving Your Style

RECOGNISING COMMON MISTAKES

Revising punctuation
Punctuation is essential if your work is to make sense.

◆ Do not use commas instead of full stops. If in doubt, put

a full stop.

◆ Remember to put a question mark at the end of a

question.

Incorrect version

He was in a hurry, he quickly pushed the newspaper

into the rubbish bin, Maria watched him, what was he
doing.

Correct version

He was in a hurry. He quickly pushed the newspaper

into the rubbish bin. Maria watched him. What was he
doing?

Revising sentence construction

Sentences must make sense. Each sentence must contain at
least one subject (noun or pronoun) and one finite verb. If

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there is more than one finite verb, there are two clauses and
these should either be separated by a full stop or semi-colon
or linked by a conjunction. There are three clauses in the
following piece but they are not linked:

He crept round the corner she followed him she was

very suspicious.

There are several ways in which this could be corrected:

As he crept round the corner, she followed him; she was

very suspicious.

He crept round the corner; she followed him because

she was very suspicious.

As he crept round the corner, she followed him because

she was very suspicious.

Checking the correct use of verbs

Always make sure that the nouns and the verbs ‘agree’. If
the noun is singular, the verb should also be singular.

Collective nouns are singular and are followed

by the singular form of the verb.

The government is hoping to win the vote of confidence.

not

The government are hoping to win the vote of

confidence.
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Avoiding incorrect pronouns

There is often confusion in the use of the words: ‘I’ and ‘me’,
‘she’ and ‘her’, ‘he’ and ‘him’, ‘we’ and ‘us’, ‘they’ and
‘them’.

‘I’, ‘she’, ‘he’, ‘we’ and ‘they’ are personal pronouns and are
usually the subject of the sentence. That means they are the
instigators of the action in the sentence:

I like travelling.

She went on holiday.

He has been made redundant.

We have no milk.

They are moving today.

‘Me’, ‘her’, ‘him’, ‘us’ and ‘them’ are usually the objects of
the sentence. That means that something is ‘done’ to them:

The ball struck me.

The prize was given to her.

The tree fell on him.

The audience applauded us.

The teacher scolded them.

Confusion often arises when there is a name as well as the

pronoun. It is sometimes thought that ‘I’ sounds better than
‘me’ but it is actually incorrect:
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Tracy and I are going to London.

not

Tracy and me are going to London.

Mrs Jones gave some sweets to John and me.

not

Mrs Jones gave some sweets to John and I.

To check which is correct, it is often useful to remove the

proper noun. The following examples are obviously wrong.

Mrs Jones gave some sweets to I.

Me is going to London.

‘I’, ‘he’, ‘she’, ‘we’ and ‘they’ are subjects and are usually
at the beginning of the sentence.

‘Me’, ‘her’, ‘him’, ‘us’ and ‘them’ are objects and

usually follow the verb.

However, when a verb is ‘understood’ at the end of the

sentence, it is the personal pronoun that is used:

He is taller than I (am).

She was angrier than he (was).

Neither ‘am’ nor ‘was’ needs to be included at the end of the

sentences. They are both ‘understood’. The following exam-
ples are therefore incorrect:
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He is taller than me.

She was angrier than him.

If the verb was added instead of being ‘understood’, it would

sound quite wrong:

He was taller than me am.

She was angrier than him was.

Revising spelling
◆ Learn the most commonly misspelled words. Revise the
list on pages 69–70.

◆ Learn the correct spelling of homophones:

hear – here
their – there – they’re
sea – see
too – two – to
your – you’re

The words ‘practise’ and ‘practice’ are often confused and so

are ‘advise’ and ‘advice’. ‘Practise’ and ‘advise’ are the verbs
and ‘practice‘ and ‘advice’ are the nouns:

You must practise the piano if you are to improve.

There is a cricket practice in the nets today.

I advise you to behave yourself.

She always refused to take advice.

 I M P R O V I N G Y O U R S T Y L E / 81

The verb has an ‘s’ before the ‘e’. The noun has a ‘c’
before the ‘e’.

Avoiding confusion
Other words that are often confused are ‘council’ and
‘counsel’, ‘compliment’ and ‘complement‘, ‘principle’ and
‘principal’ and ‘stationery’ and ‘stationary’.

Council/counsel
1. A council (noun) is an administrative group which has
power to make decisions.
A councillor (noun) sits on a council (noun).
2. To counsel (verb) someone is to help them by listening to
them and giving them advice.
A counsellor (noun) counsels (verb) clients.

Compliment/complement
1. A compliment (noun) is an expression of praise.
‘He paid me a compliment today.’
2. To complement (verb) means to complete the whole.
‘Your scarf complements that dress beautifully.’

Principal/principle
1. A principal (noun) is the head of a college.
‘The Principal was very pleased with the students’ work.’
2. Principal can also be an adjective meaning main or chief.
‘The principal (adjective) boy in the pantomime was
played by Joan.’
3. A principle (noun) is a standard you maintain.
‘In spite of difficulties, she always kept to her principles
(noun).’
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Stationery/stationary
1. A stationer (noun) sells writing paper so stationery
(noun) is writing paper and envelopes.
I ran out of stationery (noun) so I had to buy some.
2. Stationary (adjective) means fixed in one place.
The train was stationary (adjective) at the platform.

Looking at common mistakes

A mistake that is frequently heard is the following:

He is very different to his brother.

This is wrong. It should be:

He is very different from his brother.

If you differ, you move away from.

If you are similar, you are similar to.

Checking apostrophes and abbreviations

◆ Do not put an apostrophe every time there is a plural
word ending in ‘s’.

◆ The abbreviation of ‘could have’ is ‘could’ve’ not ‘could

of’.

◆ Do not put a full stop after a contraction:

Doctor – Dr
Mister – Mr
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AVOIDING UNNECESSARY REPETITION

◆ Remember that nouns do not usually need to be repeated
within the same sentence.

◆ Replace them with pronouns:

He tried on his new boots. The boots were too tight.

This should be:

He tried on his new boots. They were too tight.

Rejecting tautologies
A tautology is where the same thing is said twice over in
different ways, for example:

The last chapter will be at the end of the book.

The people applauded by clapping their hands.

These two sentences are repetitious. ‘The last chapter’ will

obviously be at the end so it is not necessary to say so.
‘Applause’ is usually shown by clapping so ‘by clapping their
hands’ is unnecessary.

Varying the sentence

If sentences frequently begin with the same word, the word
becomes monotonous. Avoid the temptation to start con-
secutive sentences in the same way.

She cautiously opened the door. She saw who stood on

the doorstep so she hurriedly closed it. She ran back to
the dining room. She started to cry. She was distraught.
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These five sentences all start with ‘she’ so the passage does
not flow. Is the following example better?

Cautiously opening the door, Tina saw who stood on the

doorstep so she hurriedly closed it. Running back to the
dining room, the child started to cry. She was dis-
traught.

Sentences 3 and 4 have been combined and only the last

sentence starts with ‘she’ while two of the pronouns have
been replaced with nouns. The writing is much ‘tighter’.

MAKING COMPARISONS
When using adjectives to compare two things or people ‘-er’
is usually added to the base word. This is known as the
comparative. The base word is ‘positive’.

positive comparative
big bigger
happy happier
slow slower
tall taller

She is taller than I am.

He is slower than she is.

When more than two things or people are involved, ‘-est’ is

added to the adjective. This is known as the superlative:

positive comparative superlative

big bigger biggest
 I M P R O V I N G Y O U R S T Y L E / 85

happy happier happiest

slow slower slowest
tall taller tallest

Adrian is the biggest of all the boys.

Mary is the tallest of the four girls.

Some words are so constructed that to add the suffix ‘-er’ or

‘- est’ would produce clumsy words. In this case ‘more’ and
‘most’ are put before the adjective instead:

beautiful more beautiful most beautiful

excitable more excitable most excitable
intelligent more intelligent most intelligent
irritable more irritable most irritable

Joanne was the most beautiful girl Frank had ever seen.

Gail was the most intelligent student in the class.

‘More’ and ‘most’ cannot be used if ‘-er’ or ‘-est’ have

been used.

‘Bad’, ‘good’ and ‘little’ do not follow the rules and have
their own words for comparison:

bad worse worst

good better best
little less least

The patient is worse today.

Clive is the best pupil I have ever taught.

That is the least of my worries.

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ELIMINATING JARGON

Looking at the origin

The word ‘jargon’ is derived from a Middle English word
meaning ‘meaningless chatter’. The derivation suggests a
very good reason why jargon should be avoided. Anyone
who is a member of a group uses jargon that is intelligible
only to other members of the same group. Lawyers have
their own jargon and so do politicians, schoolteachers and
nurses.

Today we are bombarded with words ending in ‘ise’.

Privatise, normalise, prioritise, nationalise are all words that
are now embedded in our language. But they are jargon and
should be avoided, as should all forms of jargon. Use words
and expressions that will be easily understood by anyone
who reads your work. Strive always for originality and
simplicity in your writing. Look at the following example:

The local council is producing a programme to

normalise the work experience schedule of students in
its employ. Any input from department heads to finalise
this should be submitted by the due date.

It’s full of jargon. But it is an internal note so should be

understood by its readers. The following example is very
pompous:

Louis had fed in the appropriate information before

finalising his entry. Now he hurtled along the race track
hoping to maximise his potential.
 I M P R O V I N G Y O U R S T Y L E / 87

Here is the simplified version:

Louis had given all the appropriate information before

entering the race. Now he hurtled along the track,
hoping to win.

Avoid jargon. Aim for simplicity.

STIMULATING YOUR IMAGINATION

Avoiding clichés
Clichés are phrases that are heard over and over again. We
all use them and they are often very apt. Of course, they
were original when they were said for the first time. Many of
their origins have been lost but a number owe their existence
to the Bible and Shakespeare. The following expressions are
probably familiar although the original words have some-
times been changed slightly:

All that glistens (glisters) is not gold. (Merchant of

Venice, Shakespeare)

My mind’s eye. (Hamlet, Shakespeare)

Don’t hide your light under a bushel. (The Bible)

Here are some more common examples:

He stopped dead in his tracks.

She went as white as a sheet.

He ran like the wind.

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Creating similes
The last two examples were similes. These are comparisons
between two things using the words ‘like’ or ‘as’, Many
clichés are similes and they are often very vivid. However,
they are not original and you should avoid them. It is much
better to create your own ‘images’ so that your reader will be
struck by the originality of your writing. If you want to
create a simile using a colour, try to think of something
unusual which is that colour. The face of someone who is
seasick might be said to be ‘as green as grass’ but ‘as green as
the mould at the bottom of an unwashed milk bottle’ is far
more original if not very pleasant.

‘My legs felt like jelly’ is not original although it is apt. The
following suggests the same feeling but is more vivid because
it is original:

My legs felt like spaghetti that had just been dipped into
boiling water.

Producing metaphors
Metaphors are also comparisons but they are ‘implied’ and
do not use ‘like’ or ‘as’. We use metaphorical language a
great deal in everyday speech. It is language that is not
literally true but cannot be classified as a lie as everyone
knows what is meant. Look at the following examples:

I’m starving.

He says he’s freezing.

She’s dying of thirst.

 I M P R O V I N G Y O U R S T Y L E / 89

All of the above examples are clichés and all are metaphors.
The language is metaphorical – not literally true. If it were
true, all three characters would be dead and we know that is
not what is meant.

The moon is a silver ball in the dark sky.

This is a metaphor but if ‘like’ is added, it becomes a simile:

The moon is like a silver ball in the dark sky.

Metaphors and similes both add interest to your writing but

they should be used sparingly.

Personifying inanimate objects

To personify means to give an inanimate object human
characteristics. Look at the following examples:

The sun walked across the sky in her golden shoes.

The table groaned under the weight of the food.

Both use personification. The sun ‘walks’ and wears ‘golden

shoes’. The table ‘groans’. They are also metaphors as they
are not literally true.

The use of the figures of speech we have just discussed, is

common in prose writing and adds to the interest. Prose
is written and spoken language that does not have a regular
beat or rhyme as some poetry does.
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Economising on words
Good writing is simple and easy to understand. Unnecessary
words should be eliminated. If one word can replace four,
use it. Look at the following ‘wordy’ example:

All of a sudden, he ran quickly to the computer. He

knew it was absolutely essential to eliminate completely
his very unique work which, although extremely
excellent, could put him in bad danger. In the event that
his enemies found and discovered what he had done, he
would try to give advance warning of the catastrophic
disaster that would follow.

A number of the words and phrases in this example are

tautologies. They repeat what has already been said and
are quite unnecessary. ‘Unique’ and ‘excellent’ cannot be
qualified. They stand alone. Other expressions could
be shortened to make the work flow. The passage could be
tightened up by the removal of many extra words. Why use
‘all of a sudden’ when ‘suddenly’ will do? ‘Eliminate’ and
‘essential’ do not need to be qualified. ‘Absolutely’, ‘com-
pletely’, ‘very’, and ‘extremely’ therefore should be deleted.
‘Bad danger’, ‘advance warning’ and ‘catastrophic disaster’
are also wrong. ‘Danger’ is ‘bad’, a ‘warning’ always refers to
the future and a ‘disaster’ is ‘catastrophic’. Look at the
revised version:

Suddenly, he rushed to the computer. He knew it

was essential to eliminate his unique work, which,
although excellent, could put him in danger. If his
enemies discovered what he had done, he would try to
 I M P R O V I N G Y O U R S T Y L E / 91

give warning to the world of the disaster that would

follow.

Making use of the active and passive voice

The active voice is more positive than the passive voice. In
the active voice a subject does something. In the passive
voice something is done to him.

Active voice

The father struck his son.

The teacher gave the class a detention.

Passive voice

The son was struck by his father.

The class was given a detention by the teacher.

In the second version there are two extra words; the first
sentences have more vigour.

Negatives
Using positive statements instead of negative ones also
economises on words.

For example:

He did not remember his wife’s birthday.

Clare was not present in the afternoon.

would be better as the following:

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He forgot his wife’s birthday.

Clare was absent in the afternoon.

Avoid double negatives which make a positive:

There isn’t no one there.

I haven’t got no lunch.

The ‘not’ and the ‘no’ cancel each other out and therefore
the first example means there is someone there and the
second means I have got some lunch.

There is a choice of two correct versions. Only one negative

should be used if the sense is to be kept:

There isn’t anyone there.

or

There is no one there.

I haven’t got any lunch.

or

I have no lunch.

Avoid double negatives.

CHECKING YOUR WORK

Always check your work to make sure that it makes sense.
Avoid vagueness and expressions which add nothing to your
 I M P R O V I N G Y O U R S T Y L E / 93

sentence. Some expressions to be avoided are: ‘to tell you

the truth’, ‘in fact’, ‘actually’.

Avoid clichés, jargon, tautologies and unnecessary words.

Make sure your phrases and clauses are in the right order so
there is no confusion:

She put the letter on the desk which had been opened.

In the above, ‘which had been opened’ refers to the letter

not the desk so it should follow ‘letter’. The following is the
correct version:

She put the letter, which had been opened, on the desk.

Here’s another example:

The knife was very sharp which he used.

The correct version is:

The knife, which he used, was very sharp.

Aim to develop your own individual style of writing. Read

widely so you can appreciate others’ writing but do not
copy them. Always check your work carefully to make sure
your sentences make sense, are well-constructed and do not
contain any careless mistakes.
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Avoid repeatedly using words like ‘and’, ‘very’, ‘nice’ and

‘got’. All of them are very overworked. Change your sen-
tence structure or find a synonym to replace them. Don’t
begin sentences with ‘and’, ‘but’ or ‘also’.

Nothing is more monotonous than the repetition of the same

sentence pattern. Vary it by changing the length of your
sentences and by placing clauses and phrases in a different
order. There is a variety of different sentence structures you
can use. Look at the following examples:

1. The bride looked radiant. (One main clause.)

2. The match was cancelled because of the weather. (Main

clause followed by dependent clause.)

3. Because of the weather, the match was cancelled.

(Dependent clause followed by main clause.)

4. Peeping into the bedroom, she saw that her daughter was
still asleep. (Phrase followed by main clause.)

5. The Crown Prince, who should have succeeded his father

on the throne, was assassinated last week. (Dependent
clause inserted in the middle of a main clause.)

6. I had a shower, put on my new evening dress, dabbed

some perfume behind my ears, picked up my handbag
and rushed downstairs. (List of main clauses with subject
‘I’ ‘understood’.)

7. Julie was playing the piano, Mark was doing his home-
work, Colin was in the kitchen and Karen was reading her
library book. (List of main clauses each with a different
subject.)
 I M P R O V I N G Y O U R S T Y L E / 95

These are just a few of the sentence variations you can

use.XX

USING THE CHECKLIST

◆ Remember to use commas in the correct places when
more than one clause is used.

◆ Always check your work.

◆ Avoid unnecessary repetition and tautologies.

◆ Check spellings of frequently misspelled words.

◆ Vary your sentence structure.

◆ Avoid the use of jargon.

◆ Clichés are frequently used phrases. Avoid them.

◆ A simile is a comparison using ‘like’ or ‘as’.

◆ A metaphor is an implied comparison without the use of

‘like’ or ‘as’.

◆ Personification gives human characteristics to things that

are not human.

◆ Use similes and metaphors to ‘colour’ your language.

◆ Delete unnecessary words.

PRACTISING WHAT YOU’VE LEARNT

1. Correct the following:
(a) The school are hoping to raise enough money to build a
new drama studio.
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(b) He gave packages to both John and I.

(c) Me and June is going out.
(d) The cat licked it’s whiskers while the dogs’ ate there
dinner.
(e) Her work was very excellent.
(f) He hasn’t got no coat.
(g) She could of gone to London.

2. Stimulate your imagination by creating similes or

metaphors to describe the following:
(a) The sun setting over the sea.
(b) Thick fog.
(c) An empty room.
(d) A worried woman.

See page 166 for suggested answers.