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 Measuring Wealth 119
Measuring Inequality and Poverty 120
Human Development Index (HDI) 122
Happiness 124
The Rise and Fall of Liberalism? 126
INSTITUTIONS IN ACTION: WHY HAVE POVERTY AND INEQUALITY DECLINED
IN LATIN AMERICA? 130
In Sum: A New Economic Era? 132

5 POLITICAL VIOLENCE
What Is Political Violence? 137
134

Why Political Violence? 138

Institutional Explanations 138
Ideational Explanations 139
Individual Explanations 140
Comparing Explanations of Political Violence 141
Forms of Political Violence 142
Revolution 142
Terrorism 147
Terrorism and Revolution: Means and Ends 152
Political Violence and Religion 153
Countering Political Violence 157
INSTITUTIONS IN ACTION: WHY DID THE “ARAB SPRING” OF 2011 OCCUR? 160
In Sum: Meeting the Challenge of Political Violence 162

6 DEMOCRATIC REGIMES
Defining Democracy 168
164

Origins of Democracy 169

Contemporary Democratization 171
Modernization and Democratization 171
Elites and Democratization 173
Society and Democratization 174

Contents  vii
 International Relations and Democratization 174
Culture and Democratization 175
Institutions of the Democratic State 176
Executives: Head of State and Head of Government 176
Legislatures: Unicameral and Bicameral 177
Judiciaries and Judicial Review 178
Models of Democracy: Parliamentary, Presidential, and ­
Semi-​­Presidential Systems 180
Parliamentary Systems 180
Presidential Systems 182
­Semi-​­Presidential Systems 183
Parliamentary, Presidential, and ­Semi-​­Presidential Systems:
Benefits and Drawbacks 184
Political Parties 186
Electoral Systems 187
Referendum and Initiative 195
INSTITUTIONS IN ACTION: WHAT EXPLAINS DEMOCRATIZATION IN ASIA? 196
Civil Rights and Civil Liberties 198
In Sum: Future Challenges to Democracy 199

7 DEVELOPED DEMOCRACIES
Defining Developed Democracy 206
202

Freedom and Equality in Developed Democracies 210

Contemporary Challenges for Developed Democracies 212
Political Institutions: Sovereignty Transformed? 214
The European Union: Integration, Expansion, and Resistance 214
Devolution and Democracy 220
Societal Institutions: New Identities in Formation? 222
Postmodern Values and Organization 222
Diversity, Identity, and the Challenge to Postmodern Values 223

viii  Contents
 Economic Institutions: A New Market? 226
Postindustrialism 226
Maintaining the Welfare State 227
In Sum: The Developed Democracies in Transition 229
INSTITUTIONS IN ACTION: WHAT EXPLAINS THE GREEK ECONOMIC
CRISIS? 230

CASE 1 UNITED KINGDOM

Why Study This Case? 235
234

Major Geographic and Demographic Features 237

Historical Development of the State 238
Early Development 238
Emergence of the Modern British State 241
The British Empire 242
The Industrial Revolution 243
Gradual Democratization 243
Postwar Politics and Debates on National Identity
and State Sovereignty 244
Political Regime 246
Political Institutions 246
The Branches of Government 249
The Electoral System 256
Local Government 258
Political Conflict and Competition 261
The Party System 261
Elections 268
Civil Society 269
Society 271
Class Identity 271
Ethnic and National Identity 272
Ideology and Political Culture 275
Political Economy 276
Foreign Relations and the World 279

Contents  ix
 Current Issues in the United Kingdom 281
Scotland’s Bid for Independence 281
Brexit 284

8 NONDEMOCRATIC REGIMES
Defining Nondemocratic Rule 292
288

Totalitarianism and Nondemocratic Rule 293

Origins and Sources of Nondemocratic Rule 294
Modernization and Nondemocratic Rule 295
Elites and Nondemocratic Rule 296
Society and Nondemocratic Rule 297
International Relations and Nondemocratic Rule 298
Culture and Nondemocratic Rule 299
Nondemocratic Regimes and Political Control 300
Coercion and Surveillance 300
­Co-​­optation: Corporatism and Clientelism 303
Personality Cults 305
Models of Nondemocratic Rule 307
Personal and Monarchical Rule 307
Military Rule 309
­One-​­Party Rule 310
Theocracy 311
Illiberal and Hybrid Regimes 313
INSTITUTIONS IN ACTION: WHAT EXPLAINS THE DIFFERENT PATHS OF
ZIMBABWE AND SOUTH AFRICA? 314
In Sum: Retreat or Retrenchment for Nondemocratic
Regimes? 316

9 COMMUNISM AND
POSTCOMMUNISM 320
Communism, Equality, and the Nature of Human
Relations 324

x  Contents
 Revolution and the “Triumph” of Communism 326
Putting Communism into Practice 328
Communist Political Economy 332
Societal Institutions under Communism 334
The Collapse of Communism 336
The Transformation of Political Institutions 339
Reorganizing the State and Constructing a Democratic Regime 339
Evaluating Political Transitions 340
The Transformation of Economic Institutions 345
Privatization and Marketization 345
Evaluating Economic Transitions 347
The Transformation of Societal Institutions 349
Changing Identities 350
Evaluating Societal Transitions 351
INSTITUTIONS IN ACTION: WHY DID REFORM FAIL IN THE SOVIET UNION BUT
SUCCEED IN CHINA? 354
In Sum: The Legacy of Communism 356

CASE 2 RUSSIA
Why Study This Case? 359
358

Major Geographic and Demographic Features 362

Historical Development of the State 363
Religion, Foreign Invasion, and the Emergence of a Russian
State 363
The Seeds of Revolution 366
The Russian Revolution under Lenin 367
Stalinism, Terror, and the Totalitarian State 368
Stability and Stagnation after Stalin 369
The Failure of Reform and the Collapse of the Soviet State 370
Political Regime 371
Political Institutions 372
The Branches of Government 373

Contents  xi
 The Electoral System 379
Local Government 380
Political Conflict and Competition 382
The Party System and Elections 382
Civil Society 386
Society 389
Ethnic and National Identity 389
Ideology and Political Culture   391
Political Economy 392
Foreign Relations and the World 397
Current Issues in Russia 401
Russia and Central Asia: A New “Silk Road” or the Old “Great
Game”? 401
Russia’s Demographic Future 403

CASE 3 CHINA
Why Study This Case? 407
406

Major Geographic and Demographic Features 410

Historical Development of the State 412
Centralization and Dynastic Rule 412
Affluence without ­Industrialization—​­and the Foreign Challenge 414
The Erosion of Central Authority: Civil War and Foreign Invasion 416
Establishment and Consolidation of a Communist Regime 417
Experimentation and Chaos under Mao 418
Reform and Opening after Mao 420
Political Regime 422
Political Institutions 423
Communist Party Institutions and Organs 426
The Branches of Government 428
Local Government 432
Other Institutions 434

xii  Contents
 Political Conflict and Competition 435
The Party System 435
Civil Society 438
Society 444
Ethnic and National Identity 444
Ideology and Political Culture 446
Political Economy 450
State Capitalism and Foreign Investment 453
China’s Growth Model Brings Challenges 454
Foreign Relations and the World 456
Current Issues in China 461
Can Polluted China Go Green? 461
China’s Developmental Model and the Problem of Corruption 464

10 DEVELOPING COUNTRIES
Freedom and Equality in the Developing World 470
466

Imperialism and Colonialism 472

Institutions of Imperialism 475
Exporting the State 475
Social Identities 476
Dependent Development 478
The Challenges of ­Post-​­Imperialism 480
Building State Capacity and Autonomy 481
Creating Nations and Citizens 484
Generating Economic Growth 486
Puzzles and Prospects for Democracy and
Development 488
Making a More Effective State 490
Developing Political Engagement 492
Promoting Economic Prosperity 493
INSTITUTIONS IN ACTION: WHY DID ASIA INDUSTRIALIZE FASTER
THAN LATIN AMERICA? 496
In Sum: The Challenges of Development 498
Contents  xiii
CASE 4 IRAN
Why Study This Case? 501
500

Major Geographic and Demographic Features 504

Historical Development of the State 505
The Persian Legacy and the Islamic Empire 505
Dynastic Rule and the Adoption of Shiism 506
Failed Reforms and the Erosion of Sovereignty 507
Consolidation of Power under the Pahlavi Dynasty 510
The Nationalist Challenge under Mosaddeq
and the U.S. Response 512
Authoritarianism and Modernization during
the White Revolution 513
Opposition to the Shah and the Iranian
Revolution 515
The Consolidation of an Islamic Republic 516
Political Regime 518
Political Institutions 518
The Branches of Government 519
The Electoral System 524
Local Government 525
Other Institutions 526
Political Conflict and Competition 527
The Challenges of Political Reform 528
Civil Society 531
Society 534
Ethnic and National Identity 534
Ideology and Political Culture 536
Political Economy 539
Foreign Relations and the World 542
Current Issues in Iran 545
The Nuclear Program 545
Alcohol and Drugs in the Islamic Republic 548

xiv  Contents
CASE 5 MEXICO
Why Study This Case? 551
550

Major Geographic and Demographic Features 554

Historical Development of the State 555
Independence and Instability: The Search for Order 555
The Porfiriato: Economic Liberalism and Political Authoritarianism 558
The Revolution 558
Stability Achieved: The PRI in Power, 1929–2000 560
The Slow Erosion of PRI Power, 1980–2000 561
Political Regime 562
Political Institutions 562
The Branches of Government 564
The Electoral System 568
Local Government 570
Political Conflict and Competition 571
The Party System 571
Elections 579
Civil Society 582
Society 587
Ethnic and National Identity 587
Ideology and Political Culture 588
Political Economy 592
Dimensions of the Economy 593
Economic Crises in the Twilight of PRI Authoritarianism 594
NAFTA and Globalization 594
Economic Policies and Issues 595
The Battle over Oil 597
Foreign Relations and the World 598
Current Issues in Mexico 600
Mexico’s Drug War: Can the Mexican State Contain
Organized Crime? 600
Migration 603

Contents  xv
CASE 6 NIGERIA
Why Study This Case? 607
606

Major Geographic and Demographic Features 609

Historical Development of the State 611
Islam and the Nigerian North 611
European Imperialism 612
Independence, Conflict, and Civil War 616
The Military Era 617
Political Regime 619
Political Institutions 621
The Branches of Government 622
The Electoral System 628
Local Government 629
Other Institutions 630
Political Conflict and Competition 631
The Party System 631
Elections 632
Civil Society 639
Society 642
Ethnic and National Identity 642
Ideology and Political Culture 644
Political Economy 645
Foreign Relations and the World 649
Current Issues in Nigeria 652
Boko Haram 652
Oil and the Niger Delta 655

xvi  Contents
11 GLOBALIZATION AND THE FUTURE
OF COMPARATIVE POLITICS 658
What Is Globalization? 662
Institutions and Globalization 664
Political Globalization 666
Economic Globalization 669
Societal Globalization 673
Taking Stock of Globalization 676
Is Globalization New? 676
Is Globalization Exaggerated? 678
Is Globalization Inevitable? 682
INSTITUTIONS IN ACTION: DID GLOBALIZATION CAUSE ECONOMIC
RECESSION? 684
In Sum: The Future of Freedom and Equality 686

NOTES  ­A-​­1
GLOSSARY  ­A-27
CREDITS A-45
INDEX A-47

Contents  xvii
ABOUT THE AUTHORS
Patrick H. O’Neil is Distinguished Professor of Politics and Government at the
University of Puget Sound in Tacoma, Washington. He received his Ph.D. in
political science from Indiana University. Professor O’Neil’s teaching and research
interests are in the areas of authoritarianism and democratization. His past research
focused on Eastern Europe, and his current research deals with the Middle East,
particularly Iran. His publications include the books Revolution from Within: The
Hungarian Socialist Workers’ Party and the Collapse of Communism and Communi-
cating Democracy: The Media and Political Transitions (editor).

Karl Fields is Distinguished Professor of Politics and Government at the University

of Puget Sound in Tacoma, Washington. He has a Ph.D. in political science from
the University of California, Berkeley. Professor Fields’ teaching and research inter-
ests focus on various topics of East Asian political economy, including g­ overnment-​
­business relations, economic reform, and regional integration. His publications
include Enterprise and the State in Korea and Taiwan.

Don Share is Professor Emeritus of Politics and Government at the University of

Puget Sound in Tacoma, Washington. He has a Ph.D. in political science from
Stanford University. He has taught comparative politics and Latin American poli-
tics, and has published widely on democratization and Spanish politics. His books
include The Making of Spanish Democracy and Dilemmas of Social Democracy.

  xix
Discovering Diverse Content Through
Random Scribd Documents
 LORD STOWELL,

On a recent occasion, having taken his seat in the Admiralty Court,

inquired separately of the advocates, if they had any motion to move;
and being answered in the negative, the judge very good humouredly
replied, "Then, gentlemen, the best thing we can do will be to move
ourselves."
GEORGE CANNING AND EARL BATHURST.
Kicking the Bucket.
As the Earl Bathurst and George Canning were walking along Pall Mall,
the Earl struck his foot, by accident, against a small pail, (which some
careless servant had left at the door), and turned it over; "Why, your
lordship has kicked the bucket," said the facetious orator; "No, not so
bad as that, George," replied the witty earl, "I've only turned a little pale
(i. e. pail)."
LORD ERSKINE.

Few persons ever enjoyed a greater facility of punning upon the ancient
languages than his lordship. For instance, on one of the articles of his
breakfast apparatus, Lord E. had inscribed Tu doces, literally Thou—Tea
—Chest.
THE DUKE OF WELLINGTON IN ACTION.

"Your Grace speaks without reason, and too much in a passion," said a
Spanish brunette to whom he had made a proposal, and was pressing it
somewhat close. "Ah! my dear little angel," said the great captain,
"reason has nothing to do with love; and passion is very desirable when
we are on the point of entering into immediate action."
TURN IN AND TURN OUT.

A noble lord who was aide-de-camp to the Duke of Wellington, visited

the Duke early on the morning of the battle of Salamanca, and
perceiving him lying on a very small camp bedstead, observed that his
Grace "had not room to turn himself." The Duke immediately replied,
"When you have lived as long as I have, you will know that when a man
thinks of turning in his bed, it is time he should turn out of it."
 THE DUCHESS OF DEVONSHIRE

Being told that a great public defaulter had married his kept-mistress,
observed, "That fellow is always robbing the public."
ROGERS ON TASTE.

When the Marquis of Hertford opened his splendid hotel in Piccadilly,

Mrs. Coutts was one of the visitors present—much to the annoyance of
certain of our fair nobility. In reply to an observation of hers, upon the
splendour and magnificence of the furniture and decorations, Rogers
archly remarked, that, "besides splendour, there was so much good taste
in the ornaments and society—every thing in the rooms was so chaste
and delicate."
LADY HAMILTON.

The beautiful Lady Hamilton having at her table given "Mr. Abraham
Goldsmidt" as a toast, and Lord Nelson only half filling his glass, she
cried, "Come, come, my Lord, you must not sham Abraham."
JACK BANNISTER AND THE GOUT.

A friend consoling with the comedian during a severe attack of the gout,
observed, that the disease prolonged life, and added, "Any body might
take a lease of yours." "Then it must be," quoth Jack writhing with pain,
"at a rack rent."
HOSPITALITY.

Jack Bannister, praising the hospitalities of the Irish, after his return from
a trip to the sister kingdom, was asked if he had ever been at Cork?
"No," replied the wit, "but I have seen a great many drawings of it."
LUTTRELL AND ROGERS.

Luttrell and Sam Rogers met together at the Chinese Saloon the other
day. "This must be a famous speculation," said Sam; "I think the
proprietor of the Anatomie Vivante should take his motto from my
favourite epistle in Horace—
 'Annonæ prosit—
Vir BONUS.'"
"Why," said Luttrell, "I think the man a humbug; you'll find plenty of
living skeletons in our hospitals—so I think a better motto may be found
for him in the same epistle, which you have quoted so often—
'Vir BONUS est QUIZ.'"

THE RIGHT HONOURABLE CHARLES JAMES FOX.

C.J. Fox, and Mr. Hare, his friend, both much incommoded by duns, were
together in a house, when seeing some very shabby men about the door,
they were afraid they were bailiffs in search of them. Not knowing which
was in danger, and wishing to ascertain it, Fox opened the window, and
calling to them, said, "Pray, gentlemen, are you Fox-hunting, or Hare-
hunting?"
LORD ROSS.

The witty Lord Ross having spent all his money in London, set out for
Ireland in order to recruit his purse. On his way he happened to meet
with Sir Murrough O'Brien, driving for the capital in a lofty phaeton, with
six fine dun-coloured horses. "Sir Murrough," exclaimed his Lordship,
"what a contrast between you and me! I have left my duns behind me;
you are driving your duns before you.
DR. JOHNSON.

Early one morning, the Doctor passing by the end of the Old Bailey,
observed a great crowd collected, and upon inquiring of Boswell what it
meant, was informed that one Vowel was going to be hanged for forgery.
"Well," replied the Doctor, "it is very clear, Bozzy, that it is neither U nor
I."
AN UNFORTUNATE CELEBRITY.
Dr. Johnson.
A pert young fellow who had made some abortive attempts as an author,
and notwithstanding the shallowness of his pretensions, was on excellent
terms with himself, had long been labouring for an opportunity of being
introduced to the Doctor, and at length succeeded in obtaining an
invitation to Mr. Thrale's. Having taken proper means to be frequently
accosted by his name, which, in his own fond imagination, was "fama
super æthera notum," he sat for some time in expectation of being
accosted by the Lexicographer. Finding, however, that his hopes were
vain, he at length ventured to break the ice. Approaching the Doctor with
a smile of self-sufficiency, "My name, Doctor Johnson," said he, "is——;
you have probably heard of me as being of some celebrity in the literary
world." "Yes, I have indeed," was the sarcastic reply he received, "of
very unfortunate celebrity."
DR. PARR ON WANTS.

The Doctor used to say, that a man's happiness was secure in proportion
to the small number of his wants; and he added, that, all his life, he had
endeavoured to prevent the multiplication of them in himself. A Mr. Ketch,
on hearing this, said to him, "Then, Doctor, your secret of happiness is,
to cut down your wants." "Suspend your puns, Mr. Ketch," said the
Doctor, "and I will drop you the hint: My secret is, not to let them grow
up."
GEORGE COLMAN.

George Colman being once asked if he were acquainted with Theodore

Hook, replied, "Oh yes; Hook and I (eye) are old associates."
JAMES SMITH, ESQ. ON SPRING AND SUMMER.

"We shall jump into summer all at once," said a friend to James Smith,
one very fine day in the early part of the year. "Stop," said the punster,
"if it is leap year, you must take a good spring first."
SHIELD AND SIR GEORGE SMART—THE SCORE OF MERIT.

Shield the composer, on the occasion of Sir George Smart being

knighted, said, "It must have been on the merit of his score[19], and not
on the score of his merit."
[19] The title was bestowed by the Duke of Richmond, then Lord
Lieutenant of Ireland, who it is known was not over rich.

MR. WILLIAM SPENCER. Classical Pun.

As William Spencer was contemplating the caricatures at Fores's one day,
somebody pointed out to him Cruickshanks's design of the "Ostend
packet in a squall;" when the wit, without at all sympathizing with the
nausea visible on some of the faces represented in the print, exclaimed,
"Quodcunque Ostendis mihi sic incredulus odi."
REYNOLDS THE DRAMATIST.

The amiable Mrs. W. always insists that her friends who take grog,
should mix equal quantities of spirits and water, though she never
observes the rule for herself. Reynolds having once made a glass under
her directions, was asked by the lady—"Pray, Sir, is it—As You Like
It?"—"No, Madam," replied the dramatist, "it is—Measure for Measure."
HENDERSON AND THE TWO GARRICKS.
The Tatler, Spectator, and Guardian.
The first time that Henderson, the player, rehearsed a part at Drury
Lane, George Garrick came into the boxes, saying as he entered, "I only
come as a spectator." Soon after he made some objection to Henderson's
playing, when the young actor retorted—"Sir, I thought you were only to
be a Spectator; instead of that you are turning Tatler." "Never mind him,
Sir," said David Garrick, "never mind him, let him be what he will, I'll be
the Guardian."
ANDREW CHERRY THE COMEDIAN.

The late Mr. A. Cherry, comedian, was written to some years since, with
an offer for a good engagement from a manager, who, on a former
occasion, had not behaved altogether well to him. Cherry sent him word,
that he had been bit by him once, and he was resolved, that he should
not make two bites of A. Cherry.
MR. JEKYLL'S PUN ON MR. RAINE.

Mr. Jekyll being told the other day, that Mr. Raine, the barrister, was
engaged as the opposing counsel for a Mr. Hay, inquired, "If Raine was
ever known to do any good to Hay?"
RALPH WEWITZER THE PUNSTER.
A Fault in Candles.
Ralph Wewitzer, ordering a box of candles, said he hoped they would be
better than the last. The chandler said he was very sorry to hear them
complained of, as they were as good as he could make. "Why," says
Ralph, "they were very well till about half burnt down, but after that they
would not burn any longer."
C.J. FOX AND BURKE ON THE "SUBLIME AND BEAUTIFUL."

Mr. Fox supped one evening with Edmund Burke, at the Thatched House,
where they were served with dishes more elegant than substantial.
Charles's appetite being rather keen, he was far from relishing the
kickshaws that were set before him, and addressing his companion
—"These dishes, Burke," said he, "are admirably calculated for your
palate—they are both sublime and beautiful."
HORNE TOOKE AND DR. PARR ON "TIT BITS."

Horne Tooke, author of the Epea Pteroenta, was remarkable for the
readiness of his repartees in conversation. He once received an invitation
to a dinner party to meet the celebrated Dr. Parr. "What!" said Horne
Tooke, "go to meet a country schoolmaster, a mere man of Greek and
Latin scraps! that will never do." Some time after this, he met Dr. Parr in
the street, and addressed him with, "Ah! my dear Parr, is it you? how
gratified I am to see you!" "What, me?" replied Parr, "a mere country
schoolmaster, a man of Greek and Latin scraps?" "Oh my good friend,"
rejoined Horne Tooke immediately, "those who told you that never
understood me; when I spoke of the scraps I meant the tit-bits."
CURRAN'S CULINARY JOKE.

During Lord Westmoreland's administration, when a number of new

corps were raised in Ireland (and given as jobs and political favours), it
was observed, that, when inspected there, the establishment of each
regiment was nominally reported to be complete at embarkation for
England, but when landed at the other side, many of them had not a
quarter of their numbers. "No wonder," said Mr. Curran, "for after being
mustered, they are afraid of being peppered, and off they fly, not
wishing to pay for the roast."
COUNSELLOR DUNNING OVER-DONE.
A gentleman being severely cross-examined by Mr. Dunning, who asked
him repeatedly if he did not live within the verge of the court, at length
answered that he did. "And pray, sir," said Dunning, "why did you take
up your residence in that place?"—"In order to avoid the impertinence of
dunning," answered the witness.
LORD CHANCELLOR ELDON AND THE LANCET.
Bleeding in Chancery.
On a motion to dissolve the injunction obtained against that useful work
the Lancet, the Lord Chancellor sent it to the Vice, and "hoped there
would be no more bleeding," to which Mr. Hart replied, not much, as
there was only one operator retained by each side. Ay, but, said his
lordship, they may stick to their patient like a Leach.
R.B. SHERIDAN AND THE PRINCE OF WALES, OR ONE SWALLOW DOES NOT MAKE A SUMMER.

One wintry day, the Prince of Wales went into the Thatched House
Tavern, and ordered a steak: "But (said his Royal Highness), I am
devilish cold, bring me a glass of hot brandy and water." He swallowed it,
another, and another. "Now, (said he) I am comfortable, bring my steak."
On which Mr. Sheridan took out his pencil, and wrote the following
impromptu:—

The Prince came in, said it was cold,

Then put to his head the rummer;
Till swallow after swallow came,
When he pronounced it summer.

CHARLES BANNISTER.

Charles meeting a thief-taker with a man in his custody, and asking his
offence, was told he had stolen a bridle. "Then (said Charles) he wanted
to touch the bit."
WILBERFORCE AND SHERIDAN ON DRINKING.

That very sober pious personage, Mr. Wilberforce, reproved his friend
Sheridan thus: "My good Sir, (said he) you have drunk a little too much."
"Have I? (hiccupped the other) and you, my good Sir, have drunk much
too little."
THE FACETIOUS CALEB WHITFOORD.

The late Caleb Whitfoord, seeing a lady knotting fringe for a petticoat,
asked her, what she was doing? "Knotting, Sir, (replied she;) pray Mr.
Whitfoord, can you knot?" He answered, "I can-not."
JUDGE JEFFERIES BEARDED.

The judge told an old man with a long beard, who was being examined
as a witness, that he "supposed he had a conscience as long as his
beard." If, replied the old man, we were all to be judged of by that rule,
your lordship would be deemed a most unconscionable judge[20].
[20] Jefferies had no beard.

LORD CHESTERFIELD AND LORD TYRAWLEY.

"Sic sine Morte Mori," was given by some wag as a toast, when Lord
Chesterfield and Lord Tyrawley were both present, at a very advanced
age, when Lord Chesterfield said, "Tyrawley and I have been dead these
two years; but we don't choose to have it known."
SAM FOOTE ON PLAYING TOO HIGH.

A German baron at a gaming-house, being detected in an odd trick, one

of the players fairly threw him out of the one pair of stairs window. On
this outrage he took the advice of Foote, who told him "never play so
high again."
FELIX M'CARTHY.

Felix M'Carthy passing through Clement's Inn, and receiving abuse from
some impudent clerks, was advised to complain to the Principal, which
he did thus: "I have been abused here by some of the rascals of this inn,
and I come to acquaint you of it, as I understand you are the Principal."
TIERNEY v. FOX.

Mr. Fox, in the course of a speech, said, "If any thing on my part, or on
the part of those with whom I acted, was an obstruction to peace, I
could not lie on my pillow with ease." George Tierney (then in
administration) whispered to his neighbour, "If he could not lie on his
pillow with ease, he can lie in this house with ease."
LEE LEWIS ON THE GAME LAWS.

Lee Lewis shooting in a field, the proprietor attacked him: "I allow no
person (said he) to kill game on my manor but myself; and I'll shoot you,
if I find you here again." "What! (said the comedian) do you mean to
make game of me?"
CALEB WHITFOORD AND HIS NEPHEW.

The late Caleb Whitfoord, finding his nephew, Charles Smith, playing the
violin, the following bits took place:

W. I fear, Charles, you lose a great deal of time with this fiddling.
S. Sir, I endeavour to keep time.
W. You mean rather to kill time.
S. No, I only beat time.

JOHN KEMBLE MURDERING TIME.

When Kemble was rehearsing the romance sung by Richard Cœur de

Lion, Shaw, the leader of the band, called out from the orchestra, "Mr.
Kemble, my dear Mr. Kemble, you are murdering time." Kemble, calmly
and coolly taking a pinch of snuff, said, "My dear Sir, it is better for me to
murder Time at once than be continually beating him as you do."
SHERIDAN ON LOVE FOR LOVE.

Sheridan complained that Congreve's "Love for Love," had been so much
altered and modified to suit the delicate ears of modern mawkishness,
that it was quite spoiled. It is now (said he) like modern marriages, with
very little of "Love for Love" in it. "His plays," said the wit, "are, I own,
somewhat licentious, but it is barbarous to mangle them: they are like
horses; when you deprive them of their vice, they lose their vigour."
THE MORNING POST ON PREFERMENT.
An auctioneer having turned publican, was soon after thrown into the
King's Bench; on which the following paragraph appeared in the Morning
Post: "Mr. A., who lately quitted the pulpit for the bar, has been
promoted to the bench."
SIR J. PARNELL

Became a general toast in Ireland after the Union, by which he lost his
place, or, as he once said, "his bread and butter." When lamenting his
loss, he was told, "Ah! but it's amply made up to you in toast."
HORACE TWISS, M.P.
A special Pun.
Mr. Twiss being one evening in the boxes of Covent Garden theatre, to
see Macbeth: when the hero questions the witches what they are doing,
they answer, "a deed without a name." Our counsellor, whose attention
was at that moment directed more to Coke upon Littleton than
Shakspeare, catching, however, the actor's words, repeated, "A deed
without a name! why, 'tis void."
RALPH WEWITZER.

The comedian meeting a young friend, observed how well he looked.

"Ay, (says the other) I have a rare good appetite, and I take care that it
be well satisfied; in the first place, every morning I eat a great deal to
breakfast." "Then (observes the former) I presume you breakfast in a
timber-yard."
JOHN BANNISTER NO SHOOTER.

A few years ago, it will be remembered, that Mr. John Bannister nearly
lost his arm by the bursting of a fowling-piece. Shortly after he observed
to a friend, "I may be an actor, but I will not attempt to be a Shooter."
LORD NELSON'S ARMS.

The master of the Wrestler's Inn, at Yarmouth, having solicited Lord

Nelson to permit him to put up his arms, and change the name of the
inn to The Nelson Hotel; his lordship returned for answer, that he was
perfectly welcome to his name, but he must be sensible that he had no
arms to spare.
SOME OF CURRAN'S BEST.

A severe Irish judge, being at dinner among an assemblage of lawyers,

Mr. Curran asked his lordship, if he should have the pleasure of helping
him to a slice of pickled tongue which stood before him. "If it were hung
(said his lordship), I would try it." "If you were to try it (replied Curran),
it would be sure to be hung."
CURRAN'S COVENTRY JOKE.

On some one proposing to send an Irish barrister to "Coventry" for

refusing to fight a duel, "Sure," said the wit, "that is carrying the joke a
little too far."
CAPITAL JOKES.

While a counsellor was pleading at the Irish bar, a louse unluckily peeped
from under his wig. Curran, who sat next to him, whispered what he
saw. "You joke," said the barrister. "If (replied Mr. Curran) you have
many such jokes in your head, the sooner you crack them the better."
ON DISCIPLINE.

MacNally was very lame, and when walking, he had an unfortunate limp.
At the time of the Rebellion he was seized with a military ardour, and
when the different volunteer corps were forming in Dublin, that of the
lawyers was organized. Meeting with Curran, MacNally said, "My dear
friend, these are not times for a man to be idle; I am determined to
enter the Lawyers' Corps, and follow the camp." "You follow the camp,
my little limb of the law!" said the wit, "tut, tut, renounce the idea; you
never can be a disciplinarian." "And why not, Mr. Curran?" said MacNally.
"For this reason," said Curran, "the moment you were ordered to march
you would halt."
LORD NORTH'S PUN CLASSICAL.

A gentleman told Lord North, that from a variety of losses, he had found
himself compelled to reduce his establishment. "And what (said his
lordship) have you done with the fine mare you used to ride?" "I have
sold her." "Then you have not attended to Horace's maxim:
'Equam memento rebus in arduis
Servare.'"
MANNERS EARL OF RUTLAND.

Manners Earl of Rutland meeting Sir Thomas More, shortly after their
mutual preferment, and thinking he assumed rather a haughty carriage,
observed, "Honores mutant Mores." "No, my lord (said Sir Thomas), the
pun will be much better in English, Honors change Manners."
LORD BYRON TO ROGERS ON PUNNING.

Lord Byron observed to Rogers, that punning was the lowest species of
wit. "True (said the other), it is the foundation."
THE ARCH-BISHOP AND HIS ARCH-CURATE.
Pun beneficial.
Sir William Dawes, archbishop of York, delighted in a good pun. His
clergy dining with him the first time after the decease of his lady, he said
he feared the company would not find things in so good order as they
were in the time of poor Mary, adding with a sigh, "Ah! she was indeed
Mare Pacificum." A curate, who pretty well knew the truth of the matter,
got himself completely into favour by observing, "Ay, my lord, but she
was first Mare Mortuum."
DR. GOLDSMITH AND SIR JOSHUA REYNOLDS.
A pun spoiled.
At a dinner of wits, a dish of pease was brought in, become almost grey
with age. "Carry these pease to Kensington!" said one of the party. "Why
to Kensington?" said another. "Because it's the way to Turn'em green."
Dr. Goldsmith going home in the evening with Sir Joshua Reynolds,
observed, that he would have given five pounds to make so excellent a
pun. "You shall have the opportunity (said the knight) on Tuesday, when
you are to dine with me, and none of the same company will be
present." Tuesday came, and the dinner was served up; amongst the
other dishes a plate of pease of the same description. "Carry these peas
to Kensington," said Goldie. "Why so?" "Because it's the way to make
them green!"
DR. BROWN'S TOAST.

Dr. B. long but unsuccessfully paid his addresses to a young lady, whom
he used always to give as a toast. Dining one day with a friend, the latter
filling his glass, said, "Come, doctor, I'll give you your favourite toast." He
answered, "You may do as you please; but for myself, I have already
toasted her too long without being able to make her Brown."
R. PEAKE TO R. MARTIN, M.P.

"Sir," said the humane M.P. to the facetious dramatist (praising his own
bill), "instead of the drovers inhumanly beating the poor bastes as
formerly, you will shortly see them applying opodeldoc to their wounds."
"Ay;" rejoined the punster, "Steer's of Cow-lane."
R. PEAKE AND WINSTON.

The punster, having occasion to call upon the stage manager of Drury
Lane, was shown into his room, when the servant remarked, "he feared
Mr. Winston had left the theatre." Peake observing a stage screw lying
upon the table before him, took it up and replied, "I perceive he has left
his card and name behind him."
ARNOLD AND PEAKE.

A person observing that Mr. Arnold, the proprietor of the English Opera,
was an ill-tempered man, but a fortunate one, Charles Westmacott
replied, "he knew that to be true, for he was indebted for both his cash
and success to pique." (Peake his dramatist and treasurer.)
PEAKE'S "STOUT MAN"

Appeared originally during the oppressive heat of the season 1825, at

the English Opera House: when Arnold observing that the piece did not
run according to his expectations, Peake dryly replied, "How can you
expect a stout man to run in such very hot weather?"
CHARLES BANNISTER AND PARSONS.
The late Mr. Charles Bannister going with Mr. Parsons into a shop where
there was an electric eel, the latter said, "Charles, what sort of a pie
would that eel make?" He answered, "A shock-ing one."
THE RIGHT HON. G. CANNING ON RESOURCES.

Mr. Canning seeing a certain nobleman rowing a wherry on the Thames,

with all the power and skill of a waterman, observed, "Your grace is
certainly prepared for the worst extremities, for by your skull you could
always keep your head above water."
BEN JONSON AND THE COUNTRYMAN.
Simplicity v. Wit.
A country booby boasting of the numerous acres he enjoyed, Ben Jonson
peevishly told him, "For every acre you have of land, I have an acre of
wit." The other, filling his glass, said, "My service to you, Mr. Wise-acre!"
DENNIS THE PUNSTER.
Tria juncta in uno.
Mr. Dennis, a gentleman who died about 1764, and was famous for his
puns, was once ridiculed for it in a copy of verses by three gentlemen,
whose names were Goodwin, Johnstone, and Marshall; he answered
them in the following manner: "If Good be the better half of thy name, it
is so little in thy nature as not to be perceived, though in conjunction
with thy friend John, thou hast helped to make such a noble copy of
verses that they ought to be engraven on stone. I would have given steel
the preference, if a certain person did not Mar your works, so shall say
no more of the matter."

W. R. V.-ANA.

THE CONVERSATIONAL PUNSTER.

 "A fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy."

[There are very few literary persons in London, at least among those
connected with the public press, who have not occasionally enjoyed the
pleasant, punning, conversational powers of my friend W. R. V. whose
whim, wit, and great good nature are not more esteemed, than his
unaffected manners, and sincerity of disposition justly entitle him to.]
Some one observed, "Matches are made in Heaven." "Yes," answered he,
"and they are very often dipped in the other place."
Two men contending at a tavern upon the point of who wrote that
beautiful song on Ingratitude, "Blow, blow, thou wintry wind!" one said
Ben Jonson; the other said Shakspeare. R.V. to adjust their differences,
observed, "They must have written it between them, for each was a-
verse to ingratitude."
A fat gentleman who was at a loss for the name of the nobleman who
was shut up in a tower and starved to death, applied to the punster
—"You-go-lean-O!" was the reply.
"A tailor is the ninth part of a man," observed a would-be-wit, in the
presence of a knight of the sheers: "But," answered R.V. "a fool's no part
at all."
"He that will pun will pick a pocket," observed an old cynic. "You speak
from experience," was the stopper to this vinegar cruet.
Rhodes, the punning landlord of the Coal Hole tavern, took the Bell Inn
at Hammersmith: R.V. hoped that as he had so long answered the bell,
the Bell would now answer him.
One asked him what works he had in the press. "Why, the History of the
Bank, with notes; the Art of Cookery, with plates; and the Science of
Single Stick, with wood cuts."
A person told him that Louis dix-huit, when he entered London, put up at
Grillon's hotel. "I am surprised at that," said he; "his father took his chop
at Hatchett's."
A barber recommended him his aromatic essence for the improvement of
his hair. "No, no; don't waste your fragrance on the desert hair."
A friend remarked of a gentleman with very large curly whiskers, that he
said nothing. "Poor fellow; don't you see he's lock-jawed?"
"How well you put on your cravat," said a crony: "that tie's something
new."—"Yes; it's a novel-tie."
He pacified a quarrelsome fellow one evening by observing, "I should not
like to go up in a balloon with you, for fear of our falling out."
Seeing a porter bring in an edition of a new work of his from the press to
his bookseller, "Dear me!" he exclaimed, "what a weight is off my mind."
"What a swell you are in your new frock coat," said a quiz to him one
day. "Don't you like it?—I do: indeed I'm quite wrapped up in it."
The same person meeting him one day in the city, observing he had on a
new waistcoat, asked if it was a city cut. "No," answered he, "it's a west-
cut."
Dining at the Wrekin tavern, he asked for a wine glass: the waiter, in
bringing it, inadvertently let it fall—"Zounds! I did not ask you for a
tumbler!"
Sitting in company with one of those people who find fault with every
thing, good, bad, or indifferent, he could not refrain from quizzing the
old fellow. "True, true; we have nothing new or good now-a-days:
Waterloo bridge is a catchpenny, Herschell's telescope all my eye, the
steam engine a bottle of smoke, and the safety-coach a complete take
in."
Bearcroft the classic observed to him, that learning was pabulum animi,
food of the mind. "Yes," replied he, "and that's the reason, I suppose,
the collegians wear trencher caps."
On George the Fourth landing at Calais in 1820, the wind was so
boisterous as to blow off his foraging cap, greatly inconveniencing him: a
brave officer, Captain Jones of the Brunswicks, who stood near,
presented His Majesty with his own, which the King graciously accepted,
and wore until he got to his carriage. This drew from him the following
impromptu:
"Whether in peace or war,
If hostile dangers frown,
It is the soldier's care
To guard his Monarch's crown."
He blamed a friend for dedicating a very clever work to a certain
nobleman, notorious for his stupidity. "My book wanted a title," was the
reply. "Oh!" he observed, "but it might otherwise have been peer-less."
On Sir Robert Wilson's motion for investigating the affair that deprived
him of his rank as General being lost, he lamented it as very hard that
they should refuse him "even a major-ity."
Being proposed a member of the Phœnix Club, he asked when they met:
—"Every Saturday evening during the winter."—"Then," said he, "I shall
never make a Phœnix, for I can't rise from the fire."

Blank Page
 NORBURYANA[21];

CONTAINING

A RICH SELECTION OF LORD NORBURY'S

BEST PUNS,

Pure as Imported.

THE PUNNING LAWYERS.

The counsel archly crack their joke

On every word the witness spoke;
 The Jury, laughing, like the fun,
And Norbury sums up with a Pun.
[21] Many of these whims have never before appeared in print.

A good Pun has, from time immemorial, been quite as admissible in our
courts of law, as a good plea; and not unusually has proved successful
with the feelings of a jury, when the latter, left entirely to the more
weighty arguments of precedents and rejoinder, would only have
produced a temporary suspension of the understanding. Lord Norbury's
talent as a punster is proverbial, and his wit upon all occasions as clear
as his judgments are sound: scarcely a packet of Irish papers arrive in
the sister kingdom, but the first inquiry of the humourist is after the last
good thing of the Chief Justice's; and, if he fails to encounter a new pun,
he retreats homewards like a city sportsman, without game for the
morrow; for pun-less, he is quite as miserable as if he was penny-less;
and if he cannot crack a new joke at the club, he is like to go cracked
himself with vexation in consequence.
It is one of the evils attending eminence in any art, that many loose
performances will be attributed to genius, for the sake of notoriety,
which would cause a blush upon the cheek of the talented individual
under whose cognomen they are surreptitiously launched forth into
public life. Every new pun, made by the Emeralders, whether invented in
the Four Courts of Dublin, or at the midnight orgies held in the broad
and narrow Courts of London, at the Fives Court or the Tennis Court, the
King's Court, or the Courts of law and equity, are all heaped upon the
great original, Lord Norbury; who has, in consequence, as many sins of
this sort to bear with, as any criminal that ever appeared before his legal
tribunal. In selecting from an accredited stock, the compiler of this little
book has endeavoured to affix to the Noble Punster, only, the legitimate
offspring of his own creation; or at least such, if any one has stolen in,
as may not disgrace his witty family.
LORD NORBURY'S MOTTO

Is, "Right can never die;" then, said his lordship, punning thereon, "right
must be left for ever."
AN AMOROUS PUN.
"Who is that lovely girl?" exclaimed Lord Norbury, riding in company with
his friend Counsellor Grahaarty. "Miss Glass," replied the barrister.
"Glass!" reiterated the facetious judge; "by the love which man bears to
woman, I should often become intoxicated, could I press such a glass to
my lips!"
THE JOKER'S RETORT.

The numerous and severe animadversions on Lord Norbury in the

Imperial Parliament, only afforded his Lordship an opportunity for a
supplemental criticism, viz. "That the English Broom (Brougham) wanted
an Irish stick to it;" an appendage which, in the early part of his
Lordship's career, he certainly would have been very ready to furnish.
PENCILING WITH A PICKAXE.

The late Counsellor Egan, well known by the appellation of Bully Egan,
from his rough courage, got into the Irish parliament during the
administration of the late Marquis of Rockingham, and joined with the
Whigs of that day in a most outrageous opposition to the administration
of the noble Marquis, upon the question of regency, when the opposition
succeeded in voting the unlimited regency of Ireland to the Prince of
Wales. The Marquis, unable to rally, fled to England without beat of
drum, leaving the oppositionists masters of the political field. Not content
with this retreat, the Whigs continued to pelt the character of the noble
Marquis, by way of post obit, and to heap all those maledictions upon his
administration, when defunct, which they had so indefatigably done
while living. Amongst the rest, Mr. Egan, in the course of a debate,
thought proper to introduce in his speech an episode, in which he
proposed, "Now that the Marquis was politically dead, to pencil his
epitaph;" and this he did in such coarse and ponderous words, that Mr.
Toler, the present Lord Norbury, in his reply, termed this effort of Egan,
penciling with a pickaxe.
TIME AND ETERNITY.

On passing sentence of death upon a prisoner who had been convicted

of privately stealing a time piece, Lord Norbury, after dwelling upon the
enormity of his crime, concluded a very impressive speech by observing,
that he had been grasping at time, and caught eternity.
 THE CANAL AND LOCKS.

Meeting with a lady in Dublin who was possessed of considerable

property in a distant part of the country, and in whose welfare he had
taken great interest, particularly during the progress of a bill through
parliament for draining her lands, he accosted her, "Ah, my dear Mrs. G
——, how d'ye do?—how goes on your water ways?—I must come and
take a view of your little canal and locks."
DROPPING THE SUBJECT.

A man having been capitally convicted before Lord Norbury, was, as

usual, asked what he had to say why judgment of death should not pass
against him—"Say!" replied he, "why, I think the joke has been carried
far enough already, and the less that is said about it the better; so if you
please, my lord, we'll drop the subject." "The subject may drop," replied
his lordship.
JAM SATIS.

A gentleman helping his Lordship to some pie made of raspberry jam,

inquired if he would have some more fruit? "Jam satis," replied the
punster.
THE CRITICS CURTAILED.

"Lord Byron calls his abusers dogs," said a friend to Lord Norbury; "No
doubt he wishes them and their censures cur-tailed," was the reply.
SHAKE-SPEARE.

Riding one day with a friend of the name of Speare, whose horse
appeared to jolt him very much, his Lordship could not help observing it.
"He is young, and awkward in his paces, but may mend," said Speare.
"By the bye, my Lord, I want a name for him." "It must be Shake-speare,
then," retorted his Lordship.
KING AND JAMES, THE DUBLIN LORD MAYORS.

Sir Abraham Bradley King, Lord Mayor of Dublin, declined, through

prudential motives, from giving, during his mayoralty, the Orange toast,
so offensive to the King James's party. James, the next Lord Mayor, was
not so particular, but gave it at his first dinner. Lord Norbury, who was
present, could not help observing, "You are no friend to King,—James."
CURLED HAIR.

Lord Norbury calling one day on Mrs. O'Connor, the mattrass-maker in

Sackville Street, Dublin, who is a very pretty woman, remonstrated with
her on having so long delayed sending home his order: "Sure your
Lordship," said the good woman, with great naiveté, "there's no curled
hair to be had now in Dublin, neither for love nor money." "By the
powers above," replied his Lordship, looking amorously, "but it was very
plentiful in this city, Mrs. O'Connor, when I was a curly boy."
TRIAL OF A HORSE.

Late on a Saturday evening, as Lord Norbury had concluded charging the

jury, after a laborious and long trial, when they retired to make up their
verdict, a barrister got up to make a motion respecting a horse, that had
been returned to a jockey for not being sound. His lordship complained
of his being much tired after the business of the day, and begged they
would postpone the business till Monday. The lawyer, anxious to push
forward the business, said it would only occupy him a few minutes to try
it. His Lordship rising, said in his usual dry way: "Gentlemen, to-morrow
is a holiday; you will have time and leisure to try the horse yourselves."
A DRY WIPE.

Lord Norbury being in company with some lawyers, was asked, had he
seen a pamphlet that was written by O'Grady, in which he was reflected
on? replied, "Yes, yes, I took it to the water-closet with me." When told
who was the author, he replied, "Ha! I did not think my friend Grady
intended me such a wipe."
HOW TO CUT A FIGURE IN THE TEMPLE.

Lord Norbury, while indisposed, was troubled with a determination of

blood to the head. Surgeon Carrol accordingly opened the temporal
artery; and whilst attending to the operation, his Lordship said to him,
"Carrol, I believe you were never called to the bar?" "No, my Lord, I
never was," replied the surgeon.—"Well, I am sure, Doctor, I can safely
say you have cut a figure in the Temple."
 THE GAME JOKE.

On being informed, last autumn, of the elopement of Mrs. Moore, whose

maiden name was Woodcock, Lord Norbury said, "Then we must look
out our fleecy hosiery."—"Why so, my Lord?" "Because it is an unerring
symptom of a sudden, long, and severe winter to see, so early in the
season, the Woodcocks forsake the Moors."
MAJESTICALLY MOUNTED.

Lord Norbury, meeting the Marchioness of Conyngham and Lady

Elizabeth riding on horseback in the Phœnix Park, took occasion to
admire the beauty of their horses: "The gift of His Majesty," said her
Ladyship artlessly: "and Lady Elizabeth's is also a royal present."—"Then
I understand," said Lord Norbury, "His Majesty mounts you both."
A SPORTING PUN.

A gentleman on circuit narrating to his Lordship some extravagant feat in

sporting, mentioned that he had lately shot thirty-three hares before
breakfast.—"Thirty-three hares!" exclaimed Lord Norbury: "Zounds, Sir!
then you must have been firing at a wig."
THE FEMALE LINGUIST.

A report having reached his Lordship that a female pedant, who was well
known as a blue stocking and linguist, was about to be married, he
observed, "He could answer for her disposition to conjugate, but feared
she would have no opportunity of declining."
HOPE AND JOY.

At a trial in the Irish Court, Mr. Hope, an eminent attorney, being

employed as agent in a certain cause, apologized to the court for the
absence of Mr. Joy, his counsel, requesting that it would delay for a few
minutes, till Mr. Joy, who was engaged in another court, would return.
Some time having elapsed, Lord Norbury addressed the bar, saying,
"Gentlemen, I think we had better proceed with the business of the day
—although
 'Hope told a flattering tale,
That Joy would soon return.'"
A RUM WITNESS SENT TO QUOD.

A witness being interrogated by Lord Norbury, in a manner not pleasing

to him, turned to an acquaintance, and told him in a half whisper, that he
did not come there to be queered by the old one. Lord Norbury heard
him, and instantly replied in his own cant, "I'm old, 'tis true, and I'm rum
sometimes—and for once I'll be queer, and send you to quod."
A LATE DINNER.

Mr. Curran was to dine with Lord Norbury, when Mr. Toler. His dinner
hours were late, which Mr. Curran always disliked. Mr. Toler was going to
take his ride, and meeting Mr. Curran walking towards his house, said,
"Do not forget, Curran, you dine with me to-day." "I rather fear, my
friend," replied Mr. Curran, "it will be so long first, that you may forget
it."
CUT AND COME AGAIN.

In a celebrated trial, wherein Mr. Trumble was plaintiff, and Mr. Allpress
of Abbey-street, defendant, before Lord Norbury and a special jury, Mr.
Serjeant Johnson, Counsellor Leland, and one or two more very fat
barristers were employed for the defendant. The opposite bar were
remarkably thin spare men, viz. Messrs. Goold, North, Pennyfather, &c.
Mr. Johnson, in defending his client from paying a penal rent, in the heat
of argument said, "My Lord and gentlemen of the jury, the opposite party
stand forth like Shylock in the play, with their knife outstretched to cut
from us the very pound of flesh!" Lord Norbury very tritely interrupted
the learned serjeant by saying, "Mr. Johnson, the opposite bar perhaps
conceive you can spare it better."
A NOTE TAKER TRANSPORTED.

When it was told to Lord Norbury, that sentence of transportation to

Botany Bay was passed upon the notorious Mr. Smith, who had been
detected in clandestinely pocketing some notes off the vestry-room
table, after the collection for the Charity Schools of St. Michael's Church,
in November 1819, he jocosely replied, "that he thought it very hard, as
it was no uncommon thing to have note takers at all such public
meetings."
CLOSE SHAVING.

The Persian Ambassador having, among other public places, visited the
Irish Courts of Justice, in November Term of 1819, coming into the Court
of Common Pleas whilst it was sitting, the business was suspended for a
short time, to view so extraordinary a personage, he being fully dressed
in the eastern costume, long beard, &c. After he had retired, one of the
Judges asked Lord Norbury what he thought of him, his Lordship wittily
replied, "he might be a very clever man, but he was certain he was not a
close shaver."
THE RACKET COURT.

The counsel in the Irish courts are not always so decorous and attentive
as they should be. During the examination of a witness, Lord Norbury
had occasion once or twice to request silence; when the man, in a reply
to a question from his lordship relative to his occupation, answered that
"he kept a racket court." "Indeed," said the judge, and looking archly at
the bar, continued, "and I am very sorry to say that I am Chief Justice of
a racket court much too often."
POT LUCK.

A certain Irish musical amateur, who was very irritable, had a party of
vocal and instrumental friends on a particular evening in every week at
his own house; when some wags, more desirous of promoting discord
than harmony, used to assemble under his windows, making the most
hideous noises, or in the Irish phraseology, "giving him a shaloo," upon
which the amateur dislodged the contents of a certain chamber utensil
upon the heads of some passers by, but unfortunately missed his
persecutors. For this assault an action was brought and tried before Lord
Norbury, who, in summing up the case to the jury, good humouredly
observed, "that the plaintiffs must be considered in the light of uninvited
guests, and it could not be denied that they had been treated by the
defendant with pot-luck."
In a humorous trial between the rival managers, Messrs. Daly and Astley,
respecting the right of the latter to perform the farce of "My
Grandmother," at the Peter-street theatre, Dublin, Daly's counsel stated,
that the penalties recoverable from the defendant, for his infringement of
the rights of the patent theatre, would all be given to that excellent
charity the Lying-in Hospital. Mr. Toler, in reply, observed, "That it was
notorious, no man in Dublin had contributed more largely, in one way, to
the Lying-in Hospital than Mr. Daly; and it was therefore but fair, if he
recovered in this action, that he should send them the cash. But,"
continued the facetious counsel, "although Mr. Daly's attachment to good
pieces is proverbial, we do not choose that he shall monopolize all the
good pieces in Dublin, from 'My Grandmother' down to 'Miss in her
Teens.'"
LORD NORBURY'S EPITAPH.
SAID TO HAVE BEEN WRITTEN BY HIMSELF

He's dead! alas, facetious punster,

Whose jokes made learned wigs with fun stir:
From heaven's high court, a tipstaff's sent,
To call him to his pun-ishment:—
Stand to your ropes! ye sextons, ring!
Let all your clappers ding, dong, ding!
Nor-bury him without his due,
He was himself a Toler[22] too!
[22] The Learned Judge's name.

Blank Page
 PUNNING EPIGRAMS.

THE SPORTING PUNSTERS.

Two merry wags, of Cockney land,

Well known at Rhodes's, in the Strand,
Where tavern wits choice puns let fly,
Resolved their dogs and guns to try.
Dress'd cap-a-pee, in sporting suit,
With jacket, belt, and net to boot,
Away they trudge to Hampstead Rise,
To take the pheasants by surprise.
And what will strange appear, though true,
A poor stray'd cock-bird came in view,
Uprising 'tween the punning elves,
Who miss'd the bird, but shot themselves.
Condoling on their hapless gunning,
They yet could not desist from punning:
 "Ne'er mind, Tom, peasants each we've hit."
"Why leave the aitch, Ned, out of it?"
"Because," quoth Ned, "I'd fain forget
The aitch that frets my body yet."
"Still pop for pop," quoth Tom again.
Says Ned, "I feel a shooting pain;
But then I've heard, those who aspire
To be good sportsmen must stand fire."
"Agreed," cries Tom, "and in my head
'Tis now engraved in molten lead."

By Bernard Blackmantle.
ON SIR THOMAS MORE, LORD CHANCELLOR OF ENGLAND.

When More had few years Chancellor been,

No more suits did remain;
The like shall never more be seen,
Till More be there again!

R.B. SHERIDAN'S EPIGRAM ON PITT.

The nation is pawn'd! we shall find to our cost,

And the minister since has the duplicate lost.
We shall all be undone by the politic schemer,
Who, though "Heav'n-born[23]," will not prove a Redeemer.

[23] In the ministerial prints Mr. Pitt was usually so designated.

ON "RECOLLECTIONS OF LORD BYRON, BY THE LATE R.C. DALLAS, EDITED BY HIS SON."

A mighty DULL ASS is old prosing Dallas,

And quite as dull and prosing is his Son—
What! fifteen shillings for the book! Alas!
No pleasant "Recollection"——I am done.

DEAN SWIFT'S BARBER.

Dean Swift's barber one day told him that he had taken a public house.
"And what's your sign?" said the Dean. "Oh, the pole and bason; and if
your worship would just write me a few lines to put upon it, by way of
motto, I have no doubt but it would draw me plenty of customers." The
Dean took out his pencil, and wrote the following couplet, which long
graced the barber's sign:

Rove not from pole to pole, but step in here,

Where nought excels the shaving but the beer."

G. COLMAN TO MISS M. TREE,

Impromptu, on Miss M. Tree's intended marriage and
retirement from the stage.

You bloom and charm us!—still the bosom grieves,

When Trees of your description take their leaves.

TO CAPTAIN PARRY, THE POLAR NAVIGATOR,

On his giving a Fete on board the Hecla.

Dear Captain Parry, you are right

To give the belles a levee;
God grant your dancing may be light,
For oh! your book is heavy.

SAM ROGERS TO CHARLES LAMB.

Elia's Pen.

Says Elia, "Zounds, this pen is hard!"

Quoth Samuel Rogers, "Do not huff;
But write away, my honey bard,
You soon can make it soft enough."

FRI v. DAY.

Good Friday rain'd, Sam Rogers dined

On soles, for fish were all the go;
And Sam allowed the Fri was good,
Although the day was but so so.
 TO THE LATE MR. COUTTS.
Written at Holly Lodge, Highgate, by the Duke of
Gordon, and presented in the Drawing-room by the
Marquis of Huntley.

An apple, we know, caused old Adam's disgrace,

Who from Paradise quickly was driven;
But yours, my dear Tom, is a happier case,
For a Melon transports you to heaven.

TO MRS. COUTTS, THE GAY WIDOW.

Her mourning is all make-believe;

'Tis plain there's nothing in it;
With weepers she has tipp'd her sleeve,
The while she's laughing in it.

IMPROMPTU, BY LORD ERSKINE TO LADY PAYNE,

ON BEING TAKEN ILL AT HER HOUSE.

'Tis true I am ill, but I need not complain;

For he never knew pleasure who never knew Payne.

TO C.J. FOX, ON HIS MARRIAGE.

God's noblest work's an honest man,

Says Pope's instructive line;
To make an honest woman, then,
Most surely is divine.

TO JOSEPH HUME, ON HIS ORATORY.

You move the people, when you speak,

For one by one, away they sneak.

COWPER'S HOMER.

Any-mad-versions when like this I see,

Animadversions they will draw from me.
 TO LORD NELSON. BY PETER PINDAR.
With his Lordship's night-cap, that caught fire on the
Poet's head, as he was reading in bed at Merton.

Take your night-cap again, my good lord, I desire,

For I wish not to keep it a minute;
What belongs to a Nelson, where'er there is fire,
Is sure to be instantly in it.

ON THE COUNTESS OF B——, WHO WAS RUINED AT THE GAMING TABLE.

Card-table epitaph.

Clarinda reign'd the queen of hearts,

Like sparkling diamonds were her eyes;
Till by the knave of clubs' false arts,
Here bedded by a spade she lies.

ADAM AND MACADAM.

"The Macadamized streets are extremely dusty."—

M
orning Paper.

Adam was made of borrow'd dust;

So says the Bible; and, 'tis plain,
Macadam, to discharge the trust,
To dust turns all the ways of men.

THE INQUEST, BY E. KNIGHT, COMEDIAN.

A hint to clever men employed on such occasions.

"Poor Peter Pike is drown'd, and neighbours say

The jury mean to sit on him to day."
"Know'st thou for what?" said Tom.—Quoth Ned, "no doubt
'Tis merely done to squeeze the water out."

BY HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS THE DUKE OF SUSSEX.

Royal Pun-Dit.
 Come, lament, all ye Rogers, of punning renown,
Whose praises are sung by the[24] Puss sex,
For the pun of all puns that enraptures the town
Is the last by his big Grace of Sus-sex.

In dispensing last week the Dispensary toasts,

And telling the names of its Patrons,
He stumbled on two, of whom Watling Street boasts,
No matter if spinsters or matrons.

First came Mrs. Church, and then came Mrs. Bliss:

Said his Grace "Were such joys ever given!
We enter the first—for the way we can't miss:
We enter the second—'tis Heaven!"

[24] Puss, a domestic animal—allegorically a mature spinster—a

tabby.—Johnson.

TO HOWARD PAYNE, THE COMPILER OF "BRUTUS."

Your prose and verse alike are bad,

Methinks you both transpose;
Your prose e'en like your verse runs mad,
And all your verse is prose.

DR. WALCOT TO SHIELD THE COMPOSER.

The following was sent to Shield, the ingenious Composer, for his Ivory
Ticket of admission to a Concert, by his friend Peter Pindar.

Son of the string, (I do not mean Jack Ketch,

Though Jack, like thee, produceth dying tones,)
Oh! yield thy pity to a starving wretch,
And for to-morrow's treat, pray send thy bones!

BY LORD BYRON,
On Southey's house being on fire.

Pierios vatis Theodori flamma Penates,

Abstulit: hoc Musis, hoc tibi, Phœbe, placet?
O scelus, ô magnum facinus, crimenque deorum,
Non arsit pariter quod domus et dominus.
Martial, Lib. xi. Epig. 94.

The Laureate's house hath been on fire! the Nine

All smiling saw that pleasant bonfire shine:
But, cruel fate! Oh damnable disaster!
The house—the house is burnt, and not the master!

GEORGE TIERNEY, M.P.

The Inclosure Bill.

If 'tis a crime in man or woman,

A goose to pilfer from a common;
What can a parliament excuse,
To steal a common from a goose?

ON THE MARRIAGE OF MISS LITTLE,

A lady remarkably short in stature.

Thrice happy Tom—I think him so;

For mark the poet's song,—
"Man wants but little here below,
Nor wants that little long."

ON SIGNOR B. OF THE KING'S THEATRE, WHO RAN AWAY FROM HIS CREDITORS.

His time was quick, his touch was fleet,

Our gold he nimbly finger'd;
Alike alert with hands and feet,
His movements have not linger'd.

Where lies the wonder of the case?

A moment's thought detects it;
His practice has been thorough-bass,
A chord will be his exit.

SHERIDAN AND HIS SON TOM.

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